Bored!

[Sarojini]

Ugh... so bored... I want to have a "date night" with hubby; go out to dinner or something; maybe go out and explore the new town we live in. Now's a great time because downtown Winston-Salem has all kinds of live music outdoors on weekends -- we could go eat a pretty good dinner and then enjoy the free entertainment....

But Hubby, of course, refuses to go to any restaurants or go anywhere that is more than 20 feet from his recliner and the TV (oh, unless it's to go buy beer or something). First off, he's cheap and insists we're broke and can't afford to go out... and second he's just lazy. I don't get it either. He's home ALL DAY, you'd think he'd want to get out of here for a while at night at least occasionally, but NOPE.

*SIGH*

I'm going to start going out with people from work and he can just stuff it and stay home if he wants... grrr...

Any ideas on how to get him off his butt?

[July]

Is he a football fan? With the football season starting, you could threaten not letting him watch the first Sunday football of the season unless he goes out on a date with you! Tell him you will unplug the TV, hide the remote or take out the batteries (you said he doesn't want to get up and out of the recliner), and make him do girly things! Or, if he must watch TV, make him watch a mushy chick flick on the Lifetime or Hallmark channel or Oxygen Network with you. Tell him that that will be his "date" with you if he refuses to go out! :woohoo:

[ICNJess]

Maybe just tell him you want a nice date night, just the two of you, and say maybe like "like when we first dating, wouldn't that be fun and romantic?" and act all coy and sweet?

GL!

[Sarojini]

GOOD ideas ladies!

July, he is indeed a football fan... I may just hide the remote this weekend!!! And regardless, he is going to have to watch a chick flick with me this weekend -- GREAT idea. I bet after I bring home one or two mushy movies he'll start suggesting we go out ;)

Jess... also a good idea :) If I am coy and sweet, he usually thinks he's gonna, um, "get some" if he does what I'm asking, so maybe this would work. Especially since my pain is under control better these days, I could actually follow thru on the sex part after... maybe that would be good "positive reinforcement" for him to inititate future date nights. It seems men will do the date thing if they think they may get to have sex later ;) :biglaugh: So, if he starts associating date night with lots of flirting and "fun" then maybe he will be more willing to do it.

Keep the ideas coming ;) I wanna hit him from ALL sides with this!!!! He NEEDS to get out of the house... hey, I'M the diseased one around here and I think it's good for ME to get out and I do it, so I think it should be good for him as well. I mean, hey, today his big news when I got home was that an ICE CUBE IN THE FREEZER HAD DEVELOPED A WEIRD SPIKE ON IT. Ummmm...... yeah....... he needs to get out more ;)

[ICNJess]

Jen,

OMG all this talk about bribing and positive reinforcement reminds me of when I was training my pup...do you think you could find a manual on training a husband??? :biglaugh:

Hugs,
Jess

[patricia1]

I would LOVE a date night with my Hubby. But with 3 kids and no one to watch them cuz we live in the woods it is usually very, very rare that we do anything. They are rarely all gone at the same time, and if they are sometimes a quite night at home is just as good for me.

But I stay home all week have my 3 kids plus my neice and nephew. So that is 5 kids I do homework for, fix food for and etc. So on the weekend mom goes on strike. I dont cook and really want to do nothing. But I dont like sitting at home cuz I am here all week.

Try telling him you want alone time, cause one day when and if you guys have kids alone time is very hard to come by. Dinner does not have to cost alot and the music is free so that is a real good date. I dont have alot of advice other than when the kids come alone time is rare.

[July]

:biglaugh: Love the comment about the ice cube...what a conversationalist!

[Sarojini]

LOL... Jess, I don't know if I could find a manual for training a husband, but maybe we could write one :) :biglaugh:

Patricia, yes, I think I'll point out the alone time thing too. We've been married 2 years so far, and the kids have not come yet, but in the future we hope to do so. In fact, he's more interested in having a baby right now than I am (I just started a new job, and have to get my IC under better control, so it's not a good time for me right now)... so perhaps if I also explain that when the baby does eventually come, we will be dying for some time alone.

ANYWAY, I threatened him just now with renting the mushiest chick flicks I could this weekend and also having a "home spa day" where HE has to have a salt rub for his gross dry skin and a clay mask on his face... and lo and behold, he has agreed to actually go to a party one of my colleagues is having tomorrow night ;) However, in an odd twist, he asked if we could do the spa day before we go -- I had forgotten he actually LIKES being rubbed and exfoliated by me, and he LIKES having me put masks on him. He's a weird combination of girlie and MACHO :)

[ICNJess]

LOL Jen well do you think we have that much time to write a manual? That thing could get very thick, very quickly!!! ;)

[Sherry5]

It sounds like he is a little depressed! That's understandable.

You guys have great ideas! Because Hubby is probably a little depressed , these gentle tactics are probably best for him. And he does seem to be responding! You are showing that you are willing to meet his needs, so he will be more able to meet yours.

If it were me, I would just say, look, I need and deserve a night out. If you don't take me out, You are not gettin any for a month. I don't actually say the words, but it is implied by the look and always works. Because, frankly, I do need and deserve a night out and he knows it.

In my defense, I'm pretty low maintenance. Most of the time date night consists of renting a video and watching it when the kids go to bed. So on the rare occasion that I really do need to get out, I get out.

Good luck! Take advantage of this time you have to go out together before you have kids!

[Sarojini]

Jess -- you're right. The manual would be over 1000 pages I bet :biglaugh:

Sherry, thanks for your insight. I do think he is a little depressed... he left a great teaching job in Memphis just so I could take a great job with huge potential for career advancement here in Winston-Salem, and I am sure it is hard on him to watch me flourish in my new position while he is still searching for a job. He denies being depressed, but then again, men usually DO deny that sort of stuff ;)

I did get him to go to dinner at one of my colleague's homes last night -- I thought it was a nice easy step for him. He doesn't like places that are really packed and crowded because he hates to wait for his dinner, so I thought just going somewhere where it would just be us and my colleague and his wife would be a good start. I think he had a good time.

And, he said we could have date night next weekend -- he wants to take me out to a nice restaurant and then we will probably rent a movie or two for the weekend and come home, cuddle on the couch and watch one after dinner. That's fine with me, I think that's a great date night -- a dinner out and a movie at home. Plus, often if he likes what he has at a restaurant, he later attempts to dissect the recipe and make the dish at home -- and he's usually pretty much spot on :) Yum!!

[Sherry5]

Jen- It sounds like you can read your guy to a t! :) And he can cook! Does it get any better than that?

[July]

My hubby cooks AND does dishes...actually enjoys doing dishes.

[Sherry5]

My husband does EVERYTHING right now!(I'm on bed rst) You know I read an article that said men do twice as much now (housework, child care) than they did in 1985. Thank goodness! Men used to be so darned useless! That would drive me crazy! We live in a golden age.

[ibtracy]

:idea: Hi hon. Try a coupon booklet. Things like dinner, movie and romance afterwards. Or out for a drink, listen to the music and a long romantic walk. Bring home a rose and suggest that you go out and celebrate something like 2 months in your new home (or whatever milestone it might be). Free backrubs, footrubs. You can be naughty or nice and as creative as you want. You can do it on the computer or draw the coupons free hand. Buy him a new shirt, bring it home, tell him how handsome he would look during a candle light dinner at a restaraunt that your friends from work recommend so put the shirt on and let's go - my treat. I don't know, I'm just trying to suggest things.

I think he's lost his "macho-ism" not working or bringing home an income. He doesn't have that sense of accomplishment as he drifts off to sleep. Is the depression something you should be taking him to the doctor for? Are you guys getting along alright?

If none of these ideas right, then yes, I suggest when you're feeling up to it to start going out with friends and then you'll have familiar fun spots you can recommend to him when he gets out of his rut. :hmm: I wish you luck.

If you need more help/advice :help: email me and I'll come up with some more creative ideas, I'm good at this. Not that it works in my home but sometimes when you can't help yourself you can help someone else and it'll make me feel like I helped a good friend as well.

Email me and let me know how things go.
Love,
Tracy K.
Your friend from long ago...

[trytosmile]

I have the sports channels under the "parental control" locks on our stallite dish...lol. You need a secret password to get at them, keeps the "season" a little under control around here.

We actually laugh at it now but at first, a toughy subject.

[traceann]

There was an old movie, possibly a Doris Day movie (love her, lol) where she finds a dog training manual and decides to use it to train her hubby, it was a cute movie! I'd forgotten about it til I read this thread, anyone remember the name of it????

[traceann]

I found it! I was a bit off, lol. It's Sandra Dee and Bobby Darin, and the movie is titled "If A Man Answers". Really cute movie, and yep it's a dog training manual she uses...LOL

[ICNJess]

OMG Jen if I did that, my husband would move out LOL!!! He lives for sports.

[stacey79]

OK. Turning off sports wouldn't phase my husband one bit. He really doesn't care about them at all. He's a gamer. We have every video game console they make and are already saving for the new XBox.

WHen we got married six years ago, video games were my arch enemy. I knew he was really into games before we got married. BUt, still! Anyway, I took an assignment for my college newspaper about a new video game system that was coming out because I was trying to figure out its allure. After talking with him for that article, I got more interested. Now I even have a couple of games that I enjoy playing with him. You might think about that. If your hubby is really into sports, maybe you could get tickets to a minor league game. For our anniversary this year, we went to a minor league game in our nearby big city. The tickets were like $10 each for really good seats. Much better than $60 each for decent seats at a major league game!

You might also think about sitting down and talking about it. Letting him know that you need to get out sometimes as a couple. My husband lost his job a few years ago and went through a similar time. He felt like he should be the provider, so he was upset when he temporarily wasn't. Last year, I wasn't able to work much and make any money because I wasn't feeling well. Then we went through the same thing with me. He was taking care of us, but I saw things we were doing without because of my medical bills or whatever. I needed to hear almost constantly that it was OK. My husband was patient in reassuring me that it was OK and we were fine. That I would work more when I could, etc., etc. Maybe your hubby needs to hear some of that now. I don't know.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy dinner and a movie at home. Sounds like a nice date to me! :)

[poetgirl]

The boyfriend and I are kind of strapped for cash these days, so there aren't many date nights. We do like to go to art openings, which are fun and free, but lately, we've just been renting movies. It's hard to get him to do social activities because he is very quiet and so he's not likely to just start chatting it up at parties or small group gatherings. I love to go out to eat, but he isn't so into that (probably prefers that I cook...but I get tired of doing that!)

[trytosmile]

Jess...

That is to funny. Works great around here but I'm going to be soon in a bind. I am a hockey NUT AND THE PUCK DROPS IN 16 DAYS !!!! Now how to I turn the table around, control when he watches, NO control when I watch. He doesn't know I've already ordered the NHL channel...lol

Hum...any suggestions ladies.

[traceann]

I think you got the right idea! Of course you can watch what you want, when you want, and him, well you have to just tell him tough luck buddy, I am the Princess around here right? So, do as I say, not as I do!! LMAO!!!!!! Oh too funny. Hmmmm didn't know there was an NHL channel...I may have to check into that! I too love hockey!! Go Wings!! LMAO!!! Ohhh Jen, you and are going to be in the opposition in all this I am sure....uh oh.....;)

[trytosmile]

GO WINGS GO is right !!!! Yippy, Cugo is GONE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL I used to have season's tickets, hell I dated a Red Wing...years ago.

Oh ya NHL channel through StarChoice, not cheap but well worth the price. I'm all set, NHL channel, my lounge chair, bottled water, some how the water part just doesn't sound right.

[traceann]

Shoot yeah I hear ya!! Bottled water seems like sacrilege (sp??? lol)!! Oh goody goody !! A wings fan!! Oh you lucky girl, dated one of them...sigh...drool......

[ICNJess]

It's sad when a romantic evening at home entails ESPN Sports Center, a bag of chips, and a good book...I feel so lame!! :biglaugh: But honestly? I wouldn't want it any other way! I guess I'm a creature of comfort...cheap comfort :biglaugh: !!!

[Sarojini]

;) You guys are great... I'm enjoying following this thread I started :) :biglaugh:

Anyway, I don't really mind hubby watching sports; all I'm asking is we go out occasionally for dinner.

I guess he's sort of feeling bad as he is not working right now, but I think it'd be good for him to get out of the house now and then... plus, since I'm earning the money, I'm paying the bills, and I'm doing the budget, so I know that we always have some extra money at the end of each month for a dinner or two out... so once I showed him that (and that even if we go out I can still invest some money for the future) he felt better.

I also put $500 in his account so that he can "feel like" he is taking me out by paying at the restaurant... for some reason, that was a big issue with him. He felt bad if I paid at the restaurant; he wanted to be the chivalrous guy ;)

We're doing better anyway -- talking about things and solving the problems as they come up. Now, we just need to find him a job, and we'll be doing perfectly :)

[stacey79]

I just thought of one more than that my hubby and I used to do. After we got engaged, we were saving money for wedding stuff and all that. We were both still in college, so we weren't rolling in the dough. We used to get together on Friday or Saturday evenings and color! Seriously. We still have our coloring books and crayons. It was fun to do and we were able to talk while we colored. Sort of one of those distractions that are good to do while talking. I know it sounds dorky, but it was fun. I may have to pull those coloring books out tonight! :)

[Sarojini]

:) I love to color -- in fact my mother still buys me a new coloring book and crayons every Christmas as one of my gifts even though I'm in my 30s :)

[traceann]

OH! I forgot how much I love coloring! I colored well into my teens and 20's then just couldn't find any coloring books I wanted, so kind of fell out of it. I still have my crayons though, and my "special" sets that I won't open at all, lol. I had these Garfield coloring books, really cool, there was 3 or 4 of them, I was in my late teens early 20's. I was going to get them laminated when I was done, for my future kids! Never did though... Got one of my girlfriends into it, so she'd come over and we'd color (too funny), but I soon banned her from touching any of my crayons, she'd break them on accident, then stick them back in the box so they looked like they were ok...made me so mad! LMAO!!! I just may have to get back into that.... LOL! ;)

[ICNJess]

LOL everytime my neice and nephew drag out their coloring books, I am all over them...my sister told me that they think of me as a big kid...great LOL!

[traceann]

Hey, that's a great way to be thought of...I can definitely think of worse things! LMAO!! Wow, now I want to go to Kmart and buy some coloring books....;)

[ibtracy]

Ya know what the best part of coloring is? When you buy a brand new box and the smell of fresh crayons really enticises my creativity. I color all the time with my lil Shelby. I find it relaxing and fun even tho I'm 33 years old. :loco: Yeah, I'm a lil weird, huh?

Jen, I'm glad to hear that things are on the mend and you and hubby are getting along alot better. I truly feel that once he gets his dream job the two of you will be doing wonderfully. It'll happen, I just know it! :)

Tracy K.

[traceann]

Yes! I love the new crayon smell too! Heck no, I am 36 and just discovered that I miss my coloring and probably am going to snag some crayons and a few coloring books next time I am Kmart, just for me!! I don't have any kids yet to use as "my excuse" for why a 36 yr old is buying these things, LMAO!!!! Maybe I should borrow a friend's kid to take along....;)

[stacey79]

Nah, Tracey. No need to borrow kids. I don't have any, yet, either and my hubby and I still go to kids' movies and stuff with no shame. Really, if more adults colored, this world would be a happier place! :) Embracing your inner child isn't a bad thing. I still love the Barbie coloring books because then I can make her dress match with her shoes and stuff like that. Very girly girl! :biglaugh:

[Sarojini]

The crayon smell is SOOOOOOOOOOOO good :) LOL :biglaugh: Even when I was a kid I'd open a box of them and just sniff for a while :) :lmao:

I went to the store today and bought crayons (have been sniffed several times) but could not find a good coloring book. Will need to go to a different store and check that out....

[traceann]

Oh my gosh! I loved my Barbie coloring books (as the adult colorer), I loved using the different shades of yellow for her hair, for the highlights and the lowlights, etc!!!! It was taken very seriously! :) You're right too Stacey, what do I care!? My girlfriend and I went to see finding Nemo, and her mom thought that was hilarious, asked us if were taking my friend's nephew or something, we said "nope" just ourselves!!!! LMAO!!!

[stacey79]

Here's to the inner child in all of us! :) Hubby and I go out and buy the new VegeTales movies the day they are released. I guess whenever we do have kids, they will be happy with our selections!

[traceann]

Oops, forgot, speaking of "inner child" one of my best friends got me this GREAT book for my b-day this year. It's a big hard-cover book, by an artist who goes by "Sark", and she made this book and calls it "a play-book".

It's got all kinds of pages for you to doodle, write your dreams, hopes wishes, and spaces for whatever you feel like writing, and it has places for creative drawing/doodling, plus directed ones (like, draw your dream home, draw your ideal bedroom etc.), pages that ask you to answer questions, like what are your fears, what makes you happy, etc. And then near the back there's these spaces she created for you to enter the people's names in your life, people who inspire you, people who support you etc...

It's all about embracing your inner child. I fell in love with it when I saw hers, it's great!! I bought colored pencils to doodle and nice pens to write with, it's so fun!!! ;)

[traceann]

Hee hee, I have most of the Disney videos, all ones that I like, and loved as a kid!! No Bambi in my collection though, makes me cry too much... Well, so did the Lion King...haven't watched it since the very first time...bad when a cartoon can make you cry..... yeesh...

[stacey79]

Oh my gosh, Tracey! I sobbed at Lion King. I think every Disney movie I see has at least one part in it that makes me cry! My husband won't rent them when I'm flaring or have a UTI and tend to be weepy anyway! :)

[traceann]

Oh that's funny. I understand that kids need to understand about "death", but cripes, I watch to be entertained and made happy, not cry!!!! LMAO!!! There's enough bad things in everyday life that kids encounter, shouldn't be in their entertainment too!!! Guess I am too sensitive or something, lol, and yeah -- I get even worse when hormonal.....
LMAO!!!! ;)

[sunflower69]

Hi all, sometimes I don't understand where men are coming from, lol. I'm from Canada, and this weekend is Thanksgiving. I've always enjoyed a turkey with all the trimmings for Thanksgiving. I've been feeling a bit blue lately, the bladder has been acting up, I've been worried about my sister's health (she's undergoing tests today regarding her stomach tumour), my grandma's birthday is this weekend and sadly she is no longer with us and I miss her deeply, and I thought turkey for Thanksgiving indeed. I mention it to my husband who indicated that we have a roast in the freezer, that we should be eating that because money is a little tight. In the next breath, he indicated to me that he discovered this neat site on the net (it's a pay site) where people can download music. He told me how much it cost and I thought to myself no turkey, but a web site. I told me that we couldn't afford it right now. He spends $45 a week on ciggies, I'm getting my darn turkey! I needed to vent.

[traceann]

Oh Sunflower that's hilarious! My girlfriend and I were just talking about that sort of thing last week! She and her hubby are buying a new home (their first "real" house) and she wanted to get some new bedding etc. Well, hubby was like "no way, money's tight blah blah blah..." The next day he calls her from work and says he wants to buy a radio to listen to at work, and the one he's looking at is 100 bucks!! What the heck? No money for house stuff, but a 100 bucks for a stereo to listen to AT WORK??? Men!!! LOL ;)
Happy Thanksgiving by the way to you Canadian sorts!! LOL ;)