icnmgrjill
08-15-2005, 11:20 AM
I lost a family member and good friend yesterday. She passed after suffering brain damage during a not unexpected heart attack after having hip replacement surgery last Thursday. Jenny was 42 and had suffered for years from Juvenile Diabetes. The last ten years were a decade of anguish for her and her family as the diabetes took a terrible toll on her body with the loss of sensation in her limbs, coronary heart failure, bypass surgery five years ago, amputation of the toes on both of her feet, constant bed sores that lasted for months. Oh god.. the list just goes on and on.
But, I tell her story not to be sad or morose... but to actually tell a story of a woman who, despite the loss of her limbs, still lived a full, energetic life. She may have died yesterday but she truly lived every moment to the best of her ability and did things that I, who was far more healthy than her, would have hesitated to do. This is really a story of hope and courage. It proves that human beings, even when suffering, have a capacity to live life to the fullest, to give to others and to be a joy to those around them.
For the two years, Jenny had been living at various rehabilitation and, for the last 9 months, at a convalescent hospital about ten miles from my house out in Sonoma. But, her scooter was her independence. Nearly every day, she scooted away from that depressing, sad place to toot around town. Every week, sometimes twice a week, she'd catch the county bus (thankfully they all had lifts) and drive all the way up the Sonoma Valley (past our office) and into Santa Rosa where she'd cruise up and down the mall. Though she was so terribly ill, she knew that she needed to get out and see people, talk, and appreciate the skies and the animals and the birds and the butterflies!
And whenever you talked with her, she never said that she was feeling badly. She always said that she was doing okay, even hours after they had saved her life yet again from insulin shock. When I visited her in the hospital a few nights ago, I remarked about how tan she was. She proudly announced that she'd just been to our county fair, not once, but twice in the previous week all by herself.
How she did it?? I don't know. When I'm not feeling well, I stay at home. I'm much more comfortable being within the four secure walls where I know that if I'm not doing my best, I will be well cared for. But Jenny didn't need that. She didn't want that. I think it was because she had been ill for so long, for all of her life, that she just went out and did it! She participated in the Society of Creative Anachronism... where she was a Lady of her shire. She participated in a few other historical societies. She volunteered for her city museum when she could. She trained to be a medical transcriptionist.
Jenny filled much of her time reading like a beast. Whenever we got together, we ALWAYS talked books, whether they be Stephen King or the latest romance. She was so excited to that the new Harry Potter had come out... she'd looked forward to it for months... and I'm so glad that she got to read it. She loved it. I'm the saddest that we won't be able to have our great talks about her and my favorite author, Diana Gabaldon. I'm really sad that she won't be able to read that book but, perhaps from above, she'll read it over my shoulder with me. I'll certainly be thinking of her.
In 20 years, I never saw her feel sorry for herself.... even when her marriage ended or when she lost a child through miscarriage. I never saw regret in her eyes and, honestly, I don't know how she did it. She always had a positive attitude. To her, life was good... even if she was in the hospital or waiting yet another two weeks before she could scoot again.
And so, the reason I write this column today, is to share her life and her spirit and to help me through the grieving process. I've had so many days when I'd be so angry about my IC or so frustrated about having my medical problems. Yet, compared to what she had lived with, mine were minor. She taught me perspective and composure.
I ask this of you. If you have any friends or family members in the hospital. Please... go visit them. They need to see friendly faces every week... and call them every day to check in. In our family, only three family members went to see her regularly. The rest didn't... and it's their loss.... but it was also hers too. I wish that I had gone to see her more frequently in the past year but they had a major virus outbreak at the hospital of a very contagious virus and it kept me away most of the Spring months. I just didn't want to risk bring that home to my elderly parents. But, now that she's gone, I sure wish that I had spent more time with her. She deserved the company and I would have just loved to have, one more time, a great discussion about Jamie & Claire Fraser!
Jenny lass, you've lived a good life. I hope that you're now romping through the heavenly highlands, playing with your cat & dancing with your da. Jamie would say that you're a fine, braw lassie ... ye are!
Jill
But, I tell her story not to be sad or morose... but to actually tell a story of a woman who, despite the loss of her limbs, still lived a full, energetic life. She may have died yesterday but she truly lived every moment to the best of her ability and did things that I, who was far more healthy than her, would have hesitated to do. This is really a story of hope and courage. It proves that human beings, even when suffering, have a capacity to live life to the fullest, to give to others and to be a joy to those around them.
For the two years, Jenny had been living at various rehabilitation and, for the last 9 months, at a convalescent hospital about ten miles from my house out in Sonoma. But, her scooter was her independence. Nearly every day, she scooted away from that depressing, sad place to toot around town. Every week, sometimes twice a week, she'd catch the county bus (thankfully they all had lifts) and drive all the way up the Sonoma Valley (past our office) and into Santa Rosa where she'd cruise up and down the mall. Though she was so terribly ill, she knew that she needed to get out and see people, talk, and appreciate the skies and the animals and the birds and the butterflies!
And whenever you talked with her, she never said that she was feeling badly. She always said that she was doing okay, even hours after they had saved her life yet again from insulin shock. When I visited her in the hospital a few nights ago, I remarked about how tan she was. She proudly announced that she'd just been to our county fair, not once, but twice in the previous week all by herself.
How she did it?? I don't know. When I'm not feeling well, I stay at home. I'm much more comfortable being within the four secure walls where I know that if I'm not doing my best, I will be well cared for. But Jenny didn't need that. She didn't want that. I think it was because she had been ill for so long, for all of her life, that she just went out and did it! She participated in the Society of Creative Anachronism... where she was a Lady of her shire. She participated in a few other historical societies. She volunteered for her city museum when she could. She trained to be a medical transcriptionist.
Jenny filled much of her time reading like a beast. Whenever we got together, we ALWAYS talked books, whether they be Stephen King or the latest romance. She was so excited to that the new Harry Potter had come out... she'd looked forward to it for months... and I'm so glad that she got to read it. She loved it. I'm the saddest that we won't be able to have our great talks about her and my favorite author, Diana Gabaldon. I'm really sad that she won't be able to read that book but, perhaps from above, she'll read it over my shoulder with me. I'll certainly be thinking of her.
In 20 years, I never saw her feel sorry for herself.... even when her marriage ended or when she lost a child through miscarriage. I never saw regret in her eyes and, honestly, I don't know how she did it. She always had a positive attitude. To her, life was good... even if she was in the hospital or waiting yet another two weeks before she could scoot again.
And so, the reason I write this column today, is to share her life and her spirit and to help me through the grieving process. I've had so many days when I'd be so angry about my IC or so frustrated about having my medical problems. Yet, compared to what she had lived with, mine were minor. She taught me perspective and composure.
I ask this of you. If you have any friends or family members in the hospital. Please... go visit them. They need to see friendly faces every week... and call them every day to check in. In our family, only three family members went to see her regularly. The rest didn't... and it's their loss.... but it was also hers too. I wish that I had gone to see her more frequently in the past year but they had a major virus outbreak at the hospital of a very contagious virus and it kept me away most of the Spring months. I just didn't want to risk bring that home to my elderly parents. But, now that she's gone, I sure wish that I had spent more time with her. She deserved the company and I would have just loved to have, one more time, a great discussion about Jamie & Claire Fraser!
Jenny lass, you've lived a good life. I hope that you're now romping through the heavenly highlands, playing with your cat & dancing with your da. Jamie would say that you're a fine, braw lassie ... ye are!
Jill