What can i do?

[Gump]

Hey all. Im a bf of a member of these forums and i have spent quite a bit of time reading all your stories. At first reading all the stories and ones writen by husbands an other bfs kinda scared me a bit seeing how it can totally turn your life around and i feel really bad for those that have to deal with this disorder.
The thing that bugs me the most about IC is that it causes so much pain and there is not much i can do to help her. so this is the main reason why im posting... id like to hear from both sides of a relationship what you women with ic would like your bf/husbands do more or not do. Or what things you guys do that your gfs seem to like... I would like to know things to calm a flare or things i can do to prevent them. Or any general info so i can be more helpful. Thanks in advance.

[megancolleen]

That's really sweet. The fact that you're here trying to learn about the condition says a lot for your boyfriend skills! Heh. I have a wonderful boyfriend who cooks IC-friendly food for me, takes me to doctors appointments and talks for me when I'm in too much pain, goes out of his way to make me comfortable when I'm having a bad flare, etc. More than anything, I appreciate his willingness to learn about what I'm going through. He listens to me and educates himself about IC, just like you're doing. That's important.

If you're girlfriend doesn't have much info about IC, maybe you could direct her to these boards? Or to ichelp.org. Maybe you guys could learn together. As far as helping her through flares...I'd say just letting you know that you care about her and are present for her would be a great help. The love and support of a partner is so important when it comes to IC. For actual flare-coping strategies, this might be a good list to share with her:
http://www.ic-network.com/handbook/copingwithflares.html

Anyway, props to you for doing your homework...sounds like your girlfriend is lucky to have someone like you in her life right now.

[SharonA]

The most important thing my husband does for me is: he believes me. If I tell him I am having a flare, he takes me seriously and knows that I am really not feeling well. He does not push me to do things that I am unable to do at that time. You see...most of the time I feel pretty good and am able to do the things that need to be done along with the fun things. But there are those times when my bladder gets grumpy and decides it is going to control my day. That is when my husband backs off and allows me to take care of myself. Even if that means I have to cancel plans at the last minute. He does not take it personally and knows that I would much rather be out having fun with him than having to deal with the pain in my bladder

He also knows that stress is a major trigger for me and works very hard to help me reduce the day to day stress that we all have.

BTW... :welcome: to the ICN. I think it is wonderful that you posted and want to help your lady. :)

[traceann]

Welcome and glad you asked! I think all we girls just wait for these kinds of questions, and are always more than happy to respond!! LOL ;)

You've been give great advice already! And I know each of us have are different "coping" ways, and mine are different all the time. Yeah, I know, sounds just like a woman, lol. There are times I just want to be "sick" by myself, no coddling etc. But then there are times I want some general TLC -- like help around the house, letting me rest with my heating pad and just "taking care" of me. Like making me a nice hot cup of herbal tea, rubbing my feet, a back rub, grabbing my meds for me -- or whatever else I might need.

(The foot rubs for me have been one of the best things! I have a tendancy to feel my bladder woes echoed in my feet at the same time -- it's weird. But a foot rub has been known to calm my bladder down for me!)

I also so appreciate it when my hubby speaks up for me, so I don't always have to sound "difficult", for example when friends ask us to go out for dinner to a place I know I can't find anything acceptable for me to eat (like a favorite pizza place -- that would just be cruel and unusual punishment, lol), he will suggest somewhere else that he KNOWS I can find an item off the menu. That helps soooo much, saves me from having to say, yet again, "can't eat there". Or even when invited over to friends for a BBQ or whatever, he makes sure we take along snacks for me to have and lots of them, so the crowd doesn't eat them all and leave me with nothing, lol. Things like that are soooooo helpful. As is when travelling not making a big deal if we have to stop a million times for me to pee, and asking me BEFORE I need to speak up if I need to stop. It's also nice to know he pays enough attention to ME to know instinctively when I am not feeling quite up to par. I try not to be a complainer (especially when out with friends), and it's nice that he can just kind of "read" me and know when I am not feeling quite right, and then makes our exit from the shindig painless for me. Very nice. (I have a tendancy to sit there and silently suffer, vs being vocal about needing to leave, ugh.)

Well, that's all I can think of off the top of my head, I am sure you will get many many more replies, and lots of other great ideas/advice!!

Take care, and glad you asked!
Hugs,
Tracey :)

[classics]

Gump,

My husband makes me a separate pot of low acid decaf coffee every weekend. It's little things like this that help me. Communication is important. If you know how she is coping you can help her better.

[Ginny]

I agree with Sharon's answer. My husband believes me. If he calls me he asks how I feel. If I am with him he can tell by looking at me. He knows my ups and downs better than anyone.

Don't let this illness scare you. Sometimes it's the struggles that bring you closer together.

Ginny