What Next?

[Rosalie]

Hello Everyone.

I just need a little support here today. As I have said on a previous thread, my nineteen year old son is suffering from depression. It had been effecting him so badly that he has been unable to continue this semester with uni.
Last week he collapsed after going for a walk. He was semi conscious for about ten minutes. During that time he muttered that he had collapsed in the park before getting himself home. When he finally came around he didn't remember anything at all.
Today he had a CT brain scan. In a way, it would be better to find something amiss so that it could be rectified. The continual struggle with depression has him up and down from day to day hour to hour.
The doctors have him on a new medication which he says is starting to have some effect. But so did the last one until I suppose his body got used to it and it didn't work anymore.
I am so glad that he has some wonderful friends who care about him. There is even a delightful young lady with whom is "Just good friends". From the outside he seems to have everything going for him.
I hate this horrid disease. One minute he is his beautiful self, full of fun and good humour and I see my gorgeous little blondie who would enchant everyone around him. Then the light goes out of his eyes like he has shut the blinds on the world and he can't concentrate enough to answer a simple question. He tells me that these are the times when he is fighting the hardest not to be completely overtaken.
I'm having trouble not getting on the mad mouse with him. I can feel so down and then he will breeze in happy as larry which picks me up too. But an hour later down we both go again.
He is out with his "just good friend" at the moment and she always seems to put him in a good frame of mind. So I will be optimistic that tomorrow will be a good day.
I've rambled enough but feel much better having someone to talk to.
Thanks
Rosalie

[tigger_gal]

sending you lots of hugs
Brat

[ICNDonna]

I'm also sending hugs and prayers.

Donna

[lalarainbow]

Hi
I know how difficult it is when our children suffer.. My son has had problems with depression and has been suicidal..He was on an antidepressant but don't think he ever took it right.. He ended up getting messed up with "drugs" and admmited to addiction. He lost his job, his girlfriend and his place where he lived and had to move back with us..He went to a short term detox- narcotics anonymous and started to clean up his act.. It was the hardest thing I ever went thru.....Fast forward ---Today 5 months later.. he found a job he loves out west doing what he wants to be doing, has met a girl and is doing really well..and sounds so happy ...but I always think will he crash again???.. My heart goes out to you...I have had problems with depression myself..
It sure is not easy...
God bless you and take care
~~Pam~~

[Sarojini]

I am so sorry... :( Sending hugs and prayers.

Have you thought about the possibility that your son may be bipolar (manic depressive)? I ask this, not to be intrusive or insulting, but just as a gentle suggestion, and because *I* am bipolar, and what he's going through sounds a lot like me before treatment -- up one minute, down the next, inability to concentrate, feeling like the disease was "taking over". I'd have these amazing highs where I was bubbly and enchanting, and these horrible lows where I could hardly get out of bed.

You might want to consider this. If this is the case, he may need a mood stabilizer (I take Lamictal, the generic/chemical name is lamotrigine) instead of or in addition to his antidepressant. I know that when I was on an antidepressant alone, I got worse... my moods would cycle even faster... and my psychiatrist told me this is very common in bipolar individuals who are on only antidepressants.

Lamotrigine is not the only mood stabilizer used... there are many others. And later, antidepressants of certain types can be added back into the mix if your son is having more "down times" than good ones.

In addition I think it's good he is having CT scans and things just to make sure there is nothing physically wrong, especially after his episode after the walk.

I hope everything works out for you and your son, and I am sending lots of hugs to you both ... I hope it all gets figured out soon so you and he can get back to a more normal life. :grouphug: :grouphug:

[deviation72]

Hi Rosalie,

Sending you lotsa :grouphug: at this difficult time. It is so hard to watch someone you love with that terrible disease. I am surrounded by it - family, friends and my partner. I also suffer from it (thank heavens, mine is mild and manageable with therapy) but find it harder to manage others' down times than my own, especially when my partner is in her dark times. I never know what to say, but I also know that no matter what I say it usually can't save her from the pain.

Is your son also receiving some counselling help? As a long-term psychotherapy patient I can highly recommend the value of this, even in the short term. I would not be the same person without my therapist of 7 years.

I am thinking of you and hoping that soon, there will be some light at the end of your rainbow,

[Rosalie]

Thank you everyone for your kindness.

This is what I need right now in order to help Campbell. It amazed me that so many people suffer with depression in its various forms. However, you rarely know about it until you become involved in some way or another.
It truly is a silent disease. It was only after my son was diagnosed that a close girlfriend admitted that she had been dealing with depression for a number of years. I felt ashamed, how could I not have known that someone else so close was suffering and I did not see?
Sarojini, I hadn't considered bipolar but hope that if this is possible that his medical carers would have. I will take it up with them. The medication he is currently on is Luvox (fluvoxamine maleate) which I believe is a mood enhancer.
Today he seems OK but I am on eggshells most of the time. Do I treat him as normal? I asked him to hang the washing before I went to work. Can I have a go at him for not doing so? Am I allowed to show normal annoyance with him?
Am I doing him no favours by not doing so? It gets pretty hard at times to stay positive.
Listen to me complaining! I should just be happy that he is getting help and has lots of good times.

[Rosalie]

Kirsten,
You were posting at the same time I did. Sorry I didn't see your post before I moved on.
This disease is so difficult to deal with because the sufferers can seem healthy and at times even happy. It is no wonder it is so misunderstood.
I caught a snippet of a discussion on the radio the other day about Gary Ablett and his depression. Some comentator said "but I heard him laughing the other day". This summed up the general public's ( and previously my) misconceptions.
Yes, Campbell is seeing a wonderful psychologist whom he trusts implicitly. However, even she said that they need to get his medication right and then the work with her truly starts.
The thing I am having most trouble with is seeing what I wanted for him come to a grinding halt. That is, getting an independant life underway for himself. He is having to withdraw from this semester's subjects - actually I finally had to step in and write to La Trobe because he let it all slip beyond the cut off dates. ( Still waiting to hear). And next semester who knows? I know that in the long run this won't matter as long as we still have him.
Having people like you who deal with depression, in your case on two levels, speak up really helps. I can feel hopeful for the future. We just need to get through the muddle we are in at the moment.
It means so much to be able to come here for everyone's support.
Rosalie

PS Sarojini, Jen is the name of his "just a friend"!

[andcohen]

Just a short note Rosalie,
I have just caught up on your post & wanted to let you know I have thought of you & Campbell often. He's a lucky guy to have a MuM like you. I do wish both all the luck in the world , just to get this to a managable spot would be great. I'm sure with all the great help your getting things will be getting better soon.
I know this is probarly taking up most of your time now, but do try & take care of yourself. Even if it 1hr a day to relax in the bath/ read a book/go for a walk/ hey take a mid-day nap if you have to. You have to be carefull not to try & be Supper Mum all the time, or Supper Mum might come crashing down before you know it.
In one of the post you said you were unsure of how to treat him at differernt times. Is there somewhere you can go ( talk to ) about parents dealing with these issues? I,m sure you are all feeling like you are walking on eggshells at the moment.
Good Luck & take care.
Thinking of you.
Andrea :grouphug:

[anxious one]

Hi Rosalie :grouphug: I am so sorry that I have been busy and preoccupied and haven't had a chance to check the aussie boards. I am so sad to hear that things are still difficult and haven't gotten much better from last we spoke. I don't understand why he collapsed- was it a side effect of the meds??? I know what you mean when you say it would be easier to find SOMETHING wrong that at least you could work with, because the pain and frustration of not knowing the cause is sometimes worse than the illness itself. This is definately how I felt with my IC. As bad as my symptoms were, the fear of not knowing what was causing them was even worse.

As for how to treat your son, I would go easy but not so easy that he feels you can't treat him normally and are tiptoing around him. Know what I mean?? It's a difficult line to cross, but sure ask him to hang out the laundryt and if he doesn't do it calmly ask him why. He need to be treated normally. I know when I had my depression, seeing my mother almost afraid to upset me and always crying from the frustration of not knowing how to make things better for me resulted in a guilt that just added to the depression. Not only was my own life crap but I was ruing hers too. Just be loving and supportive which you obviously already are. I wish you all the love and luck and support that I can offer.

(((((((((BIG HUGS)))))))) :grouphug: :angel: :flower:

Sara

[Rosalie]

Hello Everyone,
Well no posts for a month! You slack lot!

Things are going great with Campbell. He DOES have a brain after all. Scan proves this. And there are no tumors or anything else untoward going on in his cranium.
His new medication is working really well at this stage. He is looking forward to going back to Uni at the end of July. La Trobe rang me and they have withdrawn him from last semester's subjects ( so he won't have a fail marked against those subjects) and have waived his HECS debt for that time to boot! They have been fantastic and told me to contact them again should there be any further problems where they can assist.
He turned twenty on tuesday 12th and had a wonderful day. He is laughing all the time and his crazy sense of humour is in full swing again.
Although I realize that the depression may rear its ugly head again at any time, I can breathe for a while.
I hope you are all well and could pass on some good news like me.

Rosalie

[andcohen]

This is great news Rosalie, so glad things are going well. Hopefully with the right people to talk to & the right meds things may be a little more smooth sailing most of the times. Great news he's going back to school, he sounds like a pretty smart cookie, so I will be crossing my fingers that he can stay well enough to get through his education.
I have been thinking of you so this must be wounderful for you to see him with a smile on his face. There is no job in this world harder than being a parent, I can only begin to imagine what things have been like for you during Campbells harder days. Well with the right treatment & lots a love hopefully most days are good days. :)
Take Care
Andrea

[emilyrose197377]

I am sending you hugs and prayers.

Take Care
Kim

[deviation72]

Hi Rosalie,

That is great news that things are beginning to work out for you. I have been thinking of you and the fact we've all been a bit quiet of late... hibernation for winter, perhaps? :)

Sorry for the short post but I am busy getting ready for Semester 2, just wanted to say hello...