Getting really depressed

[Janie Miranda]

Yesterday, I had a few pain free hours and was optimistic that my new meds would eventually make me feel better . . . of course the pain is back today and I have to admit I am feeling depressed. :headbang: Although my pain level is not as bad as a lot of folks on these boards it is really wearing me down. I'm also starting to get really sad with the realization that my life as I knew it before may never come back. I can't believe how many ways this is impacting my life . . . 1) I can't sit down because of the pain - meaning I have to stand up all day every day - even writing this I'm standing up and typing on my laptop which is sitting on my kitchen counter.
2) Since I can't sit down without pain - long car trips are excrutiating so forget even thinking about going on a vacation
3) Sex is out of the question
4) Can't eat any foods I use to enjoy - I'm so food sensitive that I'm living off of a few vegetables, grilled meats and home made bread -
5) I'm especially sad because I have a three year old daughter and up until 5 months ago when all of this started i was extremely physically active and could do anything with her. Now I feel like a 80 year old woman. I am sad for my little girl.

Yes, I am standing here having a pity party. :help:

[Imustpee]

See my posts about ALOE VERA GEL...It is working for me...good luck..

[Janie Miranda]

Thanks - I am going to try some of this gel. I'm glad you are having so much success with it. How long did it take until you noticed a difference?

[vm]

You know, what? Sometimes we need a pity party! It's OK to feel grief over what IC has taken from us. The trick is only not to stay stuck in the mud playing around in it. But we can jump in now and then b/c the feelings are real and denial isn't good. Sometimes we have to feel those feelings to ever move past them.

I think the fact that you had those good hours so early in your game in terms of treatment is a really good sign. I know you're feeling vulnerable and sometimes hope is hard to come by in that space, so I'll have hope for you, OK? ;) Seriously, hang in there. Especially since your symptoms are mild there is a very good chance better days and much longer stretches of feeling good lay ahead.

I know when I first started having days of feeling good and then a flare would hit me again I would panic. I would be soooo scared that THIS would be the time it wouldn't go away. This would be the time it sets in and won't budge.

But, I learned the rhythm of my flares and how long they usually lasted. I learned to chant over and over again, "This is temporary, this is temporary, this is temporary."

The good news is that many of us TRULY do get our lives back. I was scared to hope I would be one of those people - but so far it has happened for me. I tried anything the doctor suggested (I had a doctor I had a great gut feeling about), stuck to the diet, read and read and read about self-help strategies ---- and relief eventually came. Not as soon as I wanted it to, but it came.

So do NOT lose hope, OK? :kissing: But it's OK to feel sad, even mad. IC sucks, no one will argue that... :(

[Imustpee]

2 days!!! That's all..and I have had I.C. for 38 years... :)

[massagedoula]

I have very similar feelings to you, Janie Miranda. Some days I get a few hours of feeling so much better, and I think "this is it...now its over" and then it comes back. Once I felt great for 3 days in a row, and really thought I never had IC in the first place and celebrated by eating 3 slices of pizza from my favorite pizza place! I think we know how that ended.....

But I really try to be in good spirits, try to push myself to do things, I make myself leave the house and go about my life....take comfort in little things....

I truly know that I will get better one day soon. I have faith in my body and faith in nature, that from the herbs and suppliments and self-care (massage and physical therapy, etc) that I am doing, my body will heal. I telll myself that it is a temporary hurdle. Right now I can't have sex or go on vacation or have a baby, but I will soon.
Yes...I know that there are many people that have had IC for many years, but I still feel confident despite that. Maybe this sounds naieve, but it is what I tell myself, that if I stay in good spirits, I will keep my mind healthy, and my body will follow.

Going on this message board both helps and hurts me. Sometimes I meet wonderful people and learn exciting things...other times I hear stories of long-standing despair or stories of people doing treatments so very different to what I am doing, and I start doubting myself. It is important to go on this board, I think, but to not let it wear down your spirit.

[Janie Miranda]

Thank you everyone. I knew I could come here for a little sympathy and support and it does help a lot!!! :-)
Hugs,
Janie

[Janie Miranda]

Just an update - I'm feeling a bit better again this morning and a lot better psychologically. This group is very uplifting and supportive and I don't know what I'd do without it. It has certainly been a lifeline for me!

I have to say I am feeling a bit quilty about my pity party. So many folks on this board have it so much worse than I do. My heart really goes out to everyone who is having to suffer with the worst aspects of this condition.

hugs,
janie