Help! I need to make the connection

[dragonfly7412]

Hi
I hope you all are well. I need some advice. This subject is a little personal to me, but I will do my best to explain myself properly.
My parents have been divorced for about 10 years and my dad has been an alchoholic since before I was born (he has been sober for about 15 years and I am 23, so I was never traumatized or directly affected by it, they were always open and honest about it and my dad spoke openly about AA, ect., ect.).
However, since my dad was always "sick" during their marriage (ulcers, poisoning) my mom views any illness as a weakness and never wants to acknowledge anything that resembles a long-term illness. (she is a very loving and caring mom and I love, admire and am deeply loyal to her) The only time she will happily help someone when they are sick is when they either
1) obviously ill with the flu or a cold
2) sick with a terrible, terminal illness
The truth is I have not told her all about IC because I am afraid of her invalidating this illness or seeing me as an attention seeker and a baby. Whenever I have mentioned it to her (I think a lot of it has to do with how I broach the subject, I come off as insecure and unsure because I am!) she says that I should go and see a doctor and get it "taken care of". Even when I state clearly that I am NOT asking for her advice, only her support, she seems unwilling to hear me.
I feel very strongly that when I talk about being sick it reminds her of my dad and she automatically thinks that it is something I can control, because she gets this dismissive tone of voice that I have not heard in years. It makes me feel guilty because I don't want her to be reminded of my dad.
How can I speak to her about it? I have contemplated telling her that I am cured because when I see her and she asks me about it, I can tell it is because she feels like she has to. Again, she is the most wonderful woman on this planet and any kindness I have ever known has come from her.
Please help, I think her knowing I am sick is hurting more than helping, how can I talk to her?
Sorry I blabbed so long.
Caroline

[dyno]

Would it help if you printed info off from our site and showed it to her? Something else that might help is if you take her to a Dr.'s appt. with you and she hears it from the Dr. For years I had a lot of the same problem with my mom. Something though has changed the last few years, I don't know what did it but I am sure glad it happened. Good luck and know that we are here for you.

[trytosmile]

I agree with dyno, maybe if you took her information to read and a trip to your doctor with you may help. It is a touch situation. Your mother has been through alot.

I know lots of people that believe diseases are not caused by the disease itself but by trama, stress etc in one's life. To a certain point I agree. I had an aunt that was in a terrible marriage. She thought all was fine but her x-husband treated her like crap. Dominated the marriage, always talked down to her, critized her all the time. My Aunt went from her parents home to being a full time wife so I think she really thought that was "normal". Well, "he" (never really considered him my uncle) had an affair with the neighbour and left my aunt after 42 years of marriage. She was devasted. The affair had been going of for some time and everyone but their family saw it. It was horrible. Well, about 6 months after he left her she was diagnosed with cancer and died exactly one year later. Her last year of life was horrible. I sometimes wonder if all the mental abuse and stress she was enduring and not even noticing caused the "dis-ease" to start.

Kinda got off topic here and not even sure why. I guess what I would do it prepare myself with as much information I could when I went to talked to my mom and suggested she come to a doctor visit with you. Just try to help her to understand it all.

[ICNDonna]

Another thing that might help her understand is to get her a copy of the book, "The Interstitial Cystitis Survival Guide," by Dr. Robert Moldwin (It's available in the ICN Shop) --- sometimes just reading something in a "book" is more help than anything else you could do.

Warm encouraging hugs,
Donna