Depressed

[Kiyoka]

as today is the day for people that have someone to be with. I do not, I wish the commercal world didn't make today a holiday at all. Just seeing people together makes me more depressed.

I am really having a hard time seeing the light to tomorrow. I feel so alone, and their is no way to get back into the light. I'm tired of life, and wishing it was over, day after day.

i don't really have anyone to talk about this stuff too. I want to give up

[Katrina]

Kiyoka, I don't believe this holiday is only for those "inlove" but for all love. You are very loved. Happy Valentines Day Kiyoka! Someday you will be inlove and and enjoy cellebrating love of all kinds. Right now there are many other kinds of love to help fill your heart with gladness. Gods love, friendship, family, :love:

[dbays]

Kiyoka
I am sorry you are down. Maybe you need something else to think about besides being alone. You need to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with someone else. Maybe once you get there the right person will come along!!! Hang in there!!

[JenG]

:kiss: Happy Valentine's Day! :kiss:
I agree with Katrina that you do not have to be involved with anyone to celebrate the day. Think of all the things you love and use the day to be grateful for the good things. Remember you are not alone! You are loved by all of us! :love:

[Babs RN]

Kiyoka,
Don't be so hard on yourself. I met my first and only boyfriend(who is now my hubby of 8 years, together for 11)at the age of 23. Don't give up. I know it sounds redundant, but the right one is waiting for you somewhere. I was sure I would live out my days single and now not only am I married but have a child too. I know Valentine's Day alone stinks--my hubby is in Iraq so this day has been hard. Hang in there, kiddo--when you are looking the least, is when you find the one. Trust me I know. I was there. If you want to talk, please PM me your number, as I have unlimited long distance. :love:


Hugs,
Barb

[Sarojini]

Kiyoka,

I didn't get married until I was nearly 30 years old... I was 29. I spent many a Valentine's Day alone, and I know how you feel. :( It's sad sometimes, but I do agree that (a) Katrina's right, this is a day to celebrate ALL love, not just the romantic kind -- so think about those you care about and who care about you today.... and (b) dbays is right, you must must must learn to be with yourself before you can fully be with someone else. So, maybe doing what I did on Valentine's when I was alone may help a little -- think about what you like about yourself. Think about what you are good at (I'm sure there are MANY things) and what your best traits are... then treat yourself. Draw a warm bath, buy yourself a new robe, make yourself your fave dinner... just celebrate your love for yourself!!!!!!!

This day IS very commercial, but find a way around it.... celebrate family, friends, and above all, YOU. You deserve it. Even sneak in a taste of chocolate ;)

And one day, when you least expect it, your Prince Charming will come along.. trust me. It happened for me, The Biggest Nerd on the Planet, so it will happen for you :)

In the meantime... we all love you :)

[desolationangel]

I prescribe lots and lots of self-indulgence. Sometimes it just sucks, IC or no, and then IC just makes it all worse. So I agree that you should take a bath (if you can where you live), watch a really good movie, ignore your homework for the night, get loads of candy... white chocolate and then if you want to have a little chocolate, have it at midnight, that way you'll have had a happy valentine's day, and you won't have any problems until the 15th! lol.

and here's something for you:

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v710/heavymetalkarma/valentine.jpg

[Kiyoka]

I just hate being alone all the time. This semester, I haven't really hang out with anyone at all. I wanted to but everyone is busy and whqat not. I thought I would grow, if I find myself...but everytime I do,....I get lost or deeper in the whole. The director at the BSU..said I was being selfish...not sure how to reply to that. He make me calll one of my friends and tell them I am sorry to doing this to you, and I was being selfish, and please forgive me....and asked how I could pray for them...and not focus on me...I don't!!! Life stinks soooo much. I don't know how to change it.

[Rosalie]

Kiyoka. I'd love to hear more about you. You sound like a caring person trying to find out about herself. Don't worry about Valentine's Day, its just another day after all. I only heard about it a few years ago, so it has little meaning for millions of people.

It sounds like you have some other issues going on in your ilfe at the moment. Don't let anyone put you down and never belittle yourself. Its fine to be selfish sometimes. You have to love yourself before anyone else. And when you do, thats when love may just sneak up on you.

Please keep posting to these boards. You don't have to be alone. There are many many people here wanting to help, even if it's just to listen.
Rosalie

[vm]

Kiyoka - Please speak to a doctor or therapist about how depressed you are feeling. I have been in that dark hole before and sometimes we NEED that outside help. Back in '92 I was hospitalized for 2 weeks (my choice) with depression and anxiety. I was in school at the time (college) and it seemed like such a bad idea to leave school for that amount of time. BUT, it was one of the best things I ever did. My professors were all supportive and I still finished that semester with all A's and one B. And I finished HAPPY.

Please go get help. This depression is temporary and it WILL pass. Get the help you need to move past it - there is no weakness in seeking help and accepting it. :kissing:

[Dixiefireball]

Kiyoka i agree with Kim at this point you need to talk to a doctor and reach out for help i know your reaching out to us but we can't get to you :( in person to hug you and tell you how much your loved and needed.

Please talk to your doctor about this type of help it wouldn't hurt to go in the hosp for a few days or weeks to get help with your depression.
I wish i could just hug you right now.

sending you lots of love and prayers
Rhonda

[donutgirl]

Oh...Kiyoka...I'm so sorry you are having a rough time emotionally to go along with your physical pain. Like Kim, I too have been hospitalized for depression in the past. There is a light at the end of the tunnel....you just can't see it right now. Just remember that depression is also an illness and sometimes we need to see a doctor when we are suffering. I urge you to call and get an appointment as soon as possible to get you back on the right path.

Know that you are loved here at the boards!!! Come here as often as you feel like it and read the kind thoughts from those who care about you and we've not even met you in person.

Diane

[desolationangel]

yes, i need to add that i'm worried about you and i think you need to reach out for some help. i went to a counselor a few times, and it helps a lot.

:grouphug:

we all love you here. really.

[Kiyoka]

Today was a much better day, the sun was up and bright. I did take my antidepressants this morning. One of my friends is going to remind me to take them, so maybe a yesterday won't happen again. Maybe in a few weeks of taking my meds, I will feel better. I had a chance to talk to a few friends, which was really good. I let a lot of stuff out, I wish I didn't keep things out until I explode. One day at a time, thing will work out. Thanks for your help. I did got to a counslor before, it didn't help. I guess I have a lot of stuff, that I wasn't allowed to talk about when I was younger.

[Babs RN]

Kiyoka,
I'm glad you're doing better. Hang in there kiddo. You are one smart cookie and will do great things.


Hugs,
Barb

[calmkiwi21]

Every valentines day I celebrate a day called Anti-Valentines day and treat it more so if it is just any other ordinary day. That way I don't get so depressed about being single. Glad you're feeling better though :) We both will find someone someday, hopefully in the near future. :grouphug:
~Amy~

[Thoney]

kiyoka, I'm glad to hear you are feeling a little better. I know what you are going through, I went through a very serious depression about 15 years ago, and spent some time in the hospital for it. Depression is a disease and can be very serious. I had people in my life that told me I was being selfish and to just "SNAP" out of it. These are very painful statements to say to someone who is depressed and you have to try very, very hard to not listen to them. You are suffering from a disease, just like IC, it's not something you have brought on yourself, we do not ask to feel this horrible. Please do not give up on counseling, you probably just did not connect with that person. Sometimes you have to see a few people before you find someone that your comfortable with. I cannot stress this enough...it is VERY, VERY important that you talk to a Counselor and go see your Doctor right away. There are ways to get you through this dark hole you are in and you shouldn't be going through it alone. Friends and family are great, especially if they understand, but you also need professional help. How long have you been on antidepressants? PLEASE, PLEASE PM me with your phone number, I also have unlimited long distance and would love to talk to you and help if I can.

Like everyone has said here on the boards, you are not alone and we are here for you. Take good care of yourself and I hope to hear from you, anytime night or day!! I mean it! :grouphug: :kissing:

[SueC]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KIYOKA ! !

HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT/AWESOME DAY!!!!!!!!!!!

Your friend always, SueC~

sclaus1@pacbell.net

[Katrina]

Kiyoka, you are so loved.....feel free to call any time ok? I really think you should talk to a counselor....:love: Bless you dear child of God! :kiss: