trytosmile
01-09-2005, 11:22 PM
I was diagnosed 7 years ago with IC. To date and three urologist later (one being the best in Canada) and I still have no relief. Treatment after treatment, nothing works. Today I've hit the bottom and I don't know how to pick myself up.
The last year and a half have been very difficult. It all started in Sept 2003 I lost a baby because of this crappy disease and have been medically advised not to pursue another pregancy. I was so sick and the IC symptons where unbearable that the fetus became weak and stress and it just couldn't handle it. I felt like I was dying. I have ached everyday since the lost, feelings of guilt and loss are becoming overwhelming. At the time I lived a hours distance from my boyfriend and family. I was on disability and I'm not likely to ever return back to work so I decided to sell my house and move back to my home town area. I live with my boyfriend and up until tonight I "thought" he was supportive, understanding and caring but after 2 1/2 years I now see his true colors. As I sit typing at 5:00 AM he is yet to come home. I have an idea where he is and it is with a guy that doesn't care about his own girlfriend and influences my partner to be the same. You know men, can't show their soft side infront of another guy. There race sleds and where doing practice runs today so assuming into the wobbly pops and couldn't drive home...hello...ever hear of a phone !
I have been in a horrible flare for a couple months now, my grandmother was put in the hospital last week, I'm in the middle of renovating a century farm house and it has been nothing but chaios since the beginning (which started 13 months ago). I need him and where is he. What I don't need is his irresponsibilities. I can feel the pain increase already. I'm sensing a trip to the emergency room.
This disease has taken over my life and who I was. I think back to who I was and what I did compared to what I have now and it makes me cry. I hurt inside and out. I am not working because of this, I have no social life because of this, I've lost friends because of this and now I don't know if I'm loosing the man I love because of this. Hasn't God already taken enough from me. I want to scream at the top of my lungs. I want to run and never turn back.
Fake a smile, tell a lie, when really you are hurting deep inside.
Thanks for listening
The last year and a half have been very difficult. It all started in Sept 2003 I lost a baby because of this crappy disease and have been medically advised not to pursue another pregancy. I was so sick and the IC symptons where unbearable that the fetus became weak and stress and it just couldn't handle it. I felt like I was dying. I have ached everyday since the lost, feelings of guilt and loss are becoming overwhelming. At the time I lived a hours distance from my boyfriend and family. I was on disability and I'm not likely to ever return back to work so I decided to sell my house and move back to my home town area. I live with my boyfriend and up until tonight I "thought" he was supportive, understanding and caring but after 2 1/2 years I now see his true colors. As I sit typing at 5:00 AM he is yet to come home. I have an idea where he is and it is with a guy that doesn't care about his own girlfriend and influences my partner to be the same. You know men, can't show their soft side infront of another guy. There race sleds and where doing practice runs today so assuming into the wobbly pops and couldn't drive home...hello...ever hear of a phone !
I have been in a horrible flare for a couple months now, my grandmother was put in the hospital last week, I'm in the middle of renovating a century farm house and it has been nothing but chaios since the beginning (which started 13 months ago). I need him and where is he. What I don't need is his irresponsibilities. I can feel the pain increase already. I'm sensing a trip to the emergency room.
This disease has taken over my life and who I was. I think back to who I was and what I did compared to what I have now and it makes me cry. I hurt inside and out. I am not working because of this, I have no social life because of this, I've lost friends because of this and now I don't know if I'm loosing the man I love because of this. Hasn't God already taken enough from me. I want to scream at the top of my lungs. I want to run and never turn back.
Fake a smile, tell a lie, when really you are hurting deep inside.
Thanks for listening