ibtracy
01-09-2005, 07:27 AM
As many of you know I'm the goofy chic that had to shovel snow the other night and rip stitches open in my new stitched Interstim Pocket and am ordered to be on bed rest. My birthday is tomorrow and I'm really, really depressed. No one in this house understands depression or the deep dark day that I'm having. :( :( It's like my anti-depressant isn't working and I feel so alone. Everytime I look at the patio I scooped I'm angry with myself for having to prove something. The whole reason I did it to begin with was to catch my husband's attention thinking if I did something for him he'd pay more attention to me and instead I get less attention cause now he's keeping the house running and I'm glued to the bed in the bedroom with no one to talk to. My teenage daughter of 13 years would rather be in her room talking to her friends on the phone and my youngest 7 is all into playstation 2 and Jon (hubby) is running kids to basketball games as he's their coach now. So I'm alone with my little sweetpea who like i said is all enthralled in her playstation games and I'm crying :( cause I feel like it's such a deep dark day.
We're supposed to be going to my parent's house later today for supper and to celebrate my birthday (which is tomorrow, big 33) and I'm not up to going. I don't feel well and don't feel like being around people and no matter what we tell her she's going to be ****** and hurt that we aren't coming. She only understands when it's her that doesn't feel well. If we call and cancel she'll be calling her all day long trying to talk us into coming. Why don't people understand? I just don't feel like leaving the house, getting in and out of the car with my incision pain and being around people. My Mom said, "Well you can just lay in my bed while you're here". How much fun do you think that's going to be, c'mon seriously! :cussing:
My bladder is raging, I'm in the middle of a horrendous flare on top of the incision busted open thing so that isn't helping either. It's just one of those days you'd like to go back to bed and wish it all away and no one seems to understand that here at all. I've reached out to my 2 closest friends here on the ICN and neither answer their emails or their phones or buzzes on yahoo and I don't know where else to turn other than to you guys here, my ICN friends and family. I'm sure someone out there in cyber land has felt like I do today.
I'm just mad at life for giving me IC, I'm made because I have to inherit this depression problems, I'm mad that I lost my job and am in capable of working which in turn is putting alot of pressure on our marriage, I'm mad I scooped the dang snow and now am confined to bed, I'm mad at life in general I guess, it's just one of those dark, dreary, sad days that you just don't know you're gonna make it through. :toilet: I feel as though life is flushing me down this huge toilet.
I'm trying to remain optimistic (it's NOT WORKING TODAY) and besides all these feelings I'm very, very concerned that my Interstim pocket is going to become infected. Some of the drainage now is yellow not just pure bleeding and I'm worried, I've called the uro/surgeon and he isn't concerned which totally blows my mind. He was willing to call in a few more pain meds because of the increased pain I'm having but didn't feel an antibiotic was necessary. I'm really not into the idea of going back into the OR and having this irrigated or all redone due to infection so you would think they'd just put me on oral antibiotics as a precaution. I asked about putting an antibiotic cream on the incisions and they said no to keep things dry and healing = NO CREAM, well it's not dry because it's draining so much. It's slowed down some now that I keep flat in bed and still but it hurts tremendously and the pain seems to be intensifying each day - it's not in my head believe me. I tend to be a worry wart but I should be worried in a case like this.
I guess I just needed to vent and reach out to someone/anyone. I'm hurting in my heart and so lonesome :shake: I just feel like no one understands.
I'm just an emotional trainwreck I guess that's the best way to sum it up. :help:
We're supposed to be going to my parent's house later today for supper and to celebrate my birthday (which is tomorrow, big 33) and I'm not up to going. I don't feel well and don't feel like being around people and no matter what we tell her she's going to be ****** and hurt that we aren't coming. She only understands when it's her that doesn't feel well. If we call and cancel she'll be calling her all day long trying to talk us into coming. Why don't people understand? I just don't feel like leaving the house, getting in and out of the car with my incision pain and being around people. My Mom said, "Well you can just lay in my bed while you're here". How much fun do you think that's going to be, c'mon seriously! :cussing:
My bladder is raging, I'm in the middle of a horrendous flare on top of the incision busted open thing so that isn't helping either. It's just one of those days you'd like to go back to bed and wish it all away and no one seems to understand that here at all. I've reached out to my 2 closest friends here on the ICN and neither answer their emails or their phones or buzzes on yahoo and I don't know where else to turn other than to you guys here, my ICN friends and family. I'm sure someone out there in cyber land has felt like I do today.
I'm just mad at life for giving me IC, I'm made because I have to inherit this depression problems, I'm mad that I lost my job and am in capable of working which in turn is putting alot of pressure on our marriage, I'm mad I scooped the dang snow and now am confined to bed, I'm mad at life in general I guess, it's just one of those dark, dreary, sad days that you just don't know you're gonna make it through. :toilet: I feel as though life is flushing me down this huge toilet.
I'm trying to remain optimistic (it's NOT WORKING TODAY) and besides all these feelings I'm very, very concerned that my Interstim pocket is going to become infected. Some of the drainage now is yellow not just pure bleeding and I'm worried, I've called the uro/surgeon and he isn't concerned which totally blows my mind. He was willing to call in a few more pain meds because of the increased pain I'm having but didn't feel an antibiotic was necessary. I'm really not into the idea of going back into the OR and having this irrigated or all redone due to infection so you would think they'd just put me on oral antibiotics as a precaution. I asked about putting an antibiotic cream on the incisions and they said no to keep things dry and healing = NO CREAM, well it's not dry because it's draining so much. It's slowed down some now that I keep flat in bed and still but it hurts tremendously and the pain seems to be intensifying each day - it's not in my head believe me. I tend to be a worry wart but I should be worried in a case like this.
I guess I just needed to vent and reach out to someone/anyone. I'm hurting in my heart and so lonesome :shake: I just feel like no one understands.
I'm just an emotional trainwreck I guess that's the best way to sum it up. :help: