Having a big time lapse in optimism...

[ICNJess]

Tonight, I had 2 more "friends" turn their backs on me. I have never felt more alone. These were people I thought I could count on, people who said they would be there.

One pretty much stopped talking to me--we weren't even talking about IC or anything.

The other, I was confiding that I was sick of being in pain and that the doctors can't do anything more for me, since I can barely tolerate any narcotic pain meds. I was telling her how lonely I get sometimes, being so isolated because if I am on my feet moving around for more than an hour (at the most) I end up in a tremendous flare. She went on to tell me that I isolate myself, and I'm to blame.

I have a wonderful husband and family, but I miss my old life. I miss my friends. I know they aren't my true friends, and that the ones who do stand by my side are...but it hurts so much that I am practically drowning the keyboard here.

I have never felt more alone. I get sick when I think about my paid college at a great school that I had to pass on because I was too sick to go, or the fact that I had to quit my job, or that all my friends except a few turned their backs on me...I don't know if I am going backwards or forwards.

I just needed to get this out--to people who do understand--because within 20 minutes, I had two people slam their doors on me.

[Dixiefireball]

I'm sorry Jess :grouphug: I been where you are at today I know how bad it hurts :(
we are here for you and I believe each and every icer knows how you feel.
I hope the very best for you.
And remember hon if they truned their back on you they was never really your friend in the first place :( I know how bad that sounds but its the truth. I had two people that i thought was my true friends who did the same thing to me and one was my friend or so called friend for 15 years, but drugs changed her and i had to cut all ties with her. The other was just a user acted like my friend to my face but made fun of me behind my back.
sending you hugs and prayers
Rhonda

[kadi]

Dear Jess,
I'm so sorry that happened to you. I've been there with friends & family members who just don't get it. Some have come around, others have not. Two simply walked away from me. Haven't heard from them in a year. Several others have lectured me, just plain flat out critical and harsh, full of opinions on how I should live my life with an illness they knew nothing about. You are not alone and what is happening to you has happened to all of us with this or other "invisible" illnesses. If a person has not been ill themself or experienced the illness of a loved one, they do not understand. I try not to think of them as bad people or bad friends, just ignorant or unresilient ones. I hope they'll come around and realize what they are doing...

Just really try not to take this on yourself, as not being valuable, okay? (I'm saying this because that's what I did for a long time). If you know that you have still listened to them, still taken an interest in their lives even if you can't get about much, know that your "side of the street" is clean, then it is not your fault if they cannot handle your illness.

You are right to focus your attention on the people who have stood by you. And-- know that here people do understand and love you. You've given a lot of kindness & support to people here and it is very much valued & appreciated...

[andcohen]

I think that it has all been said in the 2 wonderful post that are already here. I too think most of us know what it feels like with friends & family that just don't get it, in fact I don't think that anyone gets it unless they have this horrid thing themselves. My friends act like they half care, but I know they don't really, they have no idea what an impact this has on your life.
Anyway I don't want you to feel any worse just know that everyone here is always willing too listen at any time. My husband wonders why sometimes I tend to be on here forever, it's just so nice to have people who understand.
Sending you a big hug & wipe aways those tears girl we are always on your side.
Take care
Andrea :flower: :flower: :flower:

[ad8123]

I know exactlty what you mean, people just up :loco: and leave when it gets ugly. I guess that is because maybe their ties were never that strong to begin with. My husband up and quit on me.....but my family as they came to understand have been my support(that and God). I have no good answers except to say that those that stick with you are gold. I am depressed to day too so thats is the best I can do today, hold on, you can do it. If there is anything I have learned is that IC makes us stronger than a hurricane because we do survive. My prayers are with you. :toilet:

[cinder]

You have friends here so hang in there
cinder :bunny:

[dancemomof2]

Hugs, Jess. I think we have all had a few friends like this in our lives. It is hard to lose friends, and so quickly like that. Take care a remember you always have us on the boards.

[ICNDonna]

:grouphug:

Gentle hugs headed your way.

Donna

[tigger_gal]

Dear Jess,
I am so sorry that you had doors slamed in you face.. I, and, many of us know how that feels. Especially when its friends of 30 years, or people that you only talk to on the internet...
I miss my old life to I'd do anything to have it back, I'd do any thing not to get up and hurt every morning till I go to bed.....
Always remember you can pm me.. email me.. or pick up the phone and have a caring friend at the other end.. I can call you back if you can't afford the call.. I know I couldn't till I got the free long distance. I think its wrong when someone dumps you for being in pain, or just because they think your an inconvience to them.. It is THERE LOSS not yours... you are a wonderful caring person and I truly value our friendship..
you have all of us to be there for you and give you hugs and support..
always rememer real friends hang in there no matter what.. even thru disagreements and periods of silence...
huggies love ya
Cindy

[Betsie]

(((Jess))),

This is always the hardest part of any illness...why don't they get it? I know this more from migraines than from IC. My IC is under control most of the time, so it isnt too much of a factor...but my migraines? They have way too many times taken me out of the game, and unless people understand them, they simply think you can make them disappear...some of my dearest friends, still think if I just took some herbal supplement I would be fine...NOT. If only it were that easy, right?

Listen, you have tons of support here, people who do understand and you can even VENT! ;) In the meantime, you have to take care of Jess and not let rainy day friends decide your happiness. I am so sorry they have hurt you, this should be the best time of your lie and you have been through a lot. Try to feel good about the things you do and don't concentrate on the things they remind you you can't.

Feel better, okay?
Hugs,

[vm]

Oh, Jess.......... :( It does hurt so incredibly badly when friends turn their backs on us. I have been there, too, and it feels like a knife in the heart. But we love you so much!!!!! :kissing: It is a crappy thing that crisis shows us who our true friends are - but it does seem to happen that way.

We are here for you day and night, girlie. I ain't turning my back on you and you can't make me!!! ;)

[Alexa]

:grouphug: :grouphug: I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this ... we're here for you..

:kiss:

[ICNJess]

Thank you for all your kind words. One of my "Friends" I mentioned earlier continued to bash me after I logged out of the messenger last night, so I got some more disheartening words. I can't help but feel really sad.

[vm]

Just remember that you will not always feel this sad. It will pass - I PROMISE!!!! Let yourself cry, but also remember it won't always hurt like this. :kissing:

[Iris]

Hi Jess, so sorry to read your post and you are feeling so sad. I have been gone for a while, and not been here much at all, so was really feeling bad for you. I wish I could just wave a magic wand and make everything right for you, you have had so much to go through in your young life. I will be gone again for a while this week have to have more surgery done on my face, so hope when I return things will be brighter and better for you. You are always here to help everyone out with helpful, and loving messages, now it is our time to help you through a bad patch. Please feel free to pm me or email me at my other address you have, I will be back sometime at the end of the week. Here is hoping you know how much you mean to all of us, and how you will always have helping, and loving, friends here on the ICN anytime needed, lots of hugs and warm thoughts, love Iris. :kissing: :grouphug: :hi: :flower:

[Dixiefireball]

Jess the others are right the hurt will go away. I cried and cried when i had to cut all ties with one of my friends we was best friends for 15 years! that is a long time to end a friendship but drugs changed her and the only time she called me was to cry about he boyfriend or when she wanted me to do something for her. So I had to let go.

If this these people are talking to you this way they wasn't your friends to begin with block them off your messager let them go don't answer the phone for them block them if you can from calling you.
You have enough to worry about rather then a mean person who don't understand and who doesn't care.

[SharonA]

Jess...I am so sorry this has happened to you. There really is nothing I can say to make it all better. All I can do is let you know the you are a valued person. Just take a look at your hubby and family. They value you. Take a second look at all these wonderful posts from people who value you even though most of them will never meet you in person.

I know that what has happened to you is very hard and very sad. I think that losing someone's friendship is so hard because a bit of our innocence is lost. It damages and weakens our ability to trust people and makes us reluctant to take a chance and reach out to someone with our friendship. We have to, though. We can't let these feelings win and cause us to retreat from people.

Today, you are sad and disappointed with these people. Tomorrow, you will probably feel the same way. But, in time you will heal and will be able to trust, again.

We love you, Jess. :kissing:

[Betsie]

Jess,

I hope the day turned into a nicer one for you. I hate the sting of mean spirited thoughts flung your way. You know you can't be in charge of what others think, so just be in charge of knowing you are a good person...your IC and it's limitations are not about anyone but you, feel better and give some energy sucking "friends" lots of space....let them figure it out. ;)

:kissing:

[ICNJess]

Thank you so much... :grouphug: :kissing:

I feel so silly venting and crying here, I have so much to be thankful for, and there are so many worse things in life. I just can't help but feel pretty down. One of these "friends" of mine have been close, best friends for 10 years, since we were much younger. I guess everyone shows their true colors at some point...

I'm pretty depressed still, and will probably be taking a break...I don't feel like I can be much help as of now, I just have this big empty void inside and I'm mad as hell at my IC again, mad at myself for letting all this happen, too. Don't you ever just wish sometimes that you'd never been born? I've been on earth for only 22 years, and for about 10-15 of them, I have been dealing with this crappy disease. Ok now I'm falling into a pity party, and I don't want that!

I love you all for the warmth and support you have shown me...I'll be back when I can return it again.

[kadi]

HI Jess & all of us who've been there,
My mom sent me this after I talked with her about the 2 friends who dumped me when I got IC. I think it's true...
Love, Kadi

People come into your life for a Reason, a Season, or a Lifetime. When you know which one it is for a person, you will know what to do for that person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a Godsend, and they are! They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your
part, or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered, and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They bring you an experience of peace, or make you
laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons: things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant. Thank you for being a part of my life!