ibtracy
12-31-2004, 12:58 PM
Hi there. As many of you know I had my Stage 2 Interstim Implant surgery on Monday, the 27th. I am really down in the dumps. My MD who has been kind enough to keep me comfortable with my long term pain therapy has chosen to quit helping as of yesterday and I have no where to turn. I don't know what I'm gonna do from here on out.
My husband thinks that because surgery was 4 days ago that I should be back to normal and to be quite frank "I don't know what "normal" is". It hurts still to bend over or pick anything up and I was told to take it easy and rest for a couple of weeks. (Couple of weeks NOT 4 days). He keeps saying to me that I'm sitting in the house rotting away and always on the computer. I come to this site to find support because I don't get it from him and that's what he doesn't understand. My shrink increased my anti-depressant this week but I don't see yet where it's helping, maybe it's not the right medication I don't know. He also has me on a mood stabilizer which I can see a difference as far mood swings but I'm just so down about life right now. It seems as though everything is stacked against me.
I feel like I have to ration what pain meds I do have and that's not fair to my body when I wake up in excrutiating pain and feel like I have to cut back. I still need pain meds from my surgery which was just 4 little days ago, it's not like it's been months, ya know? I feel like he's (hubby) expecting way too much of me and I've tried talking to him and he just gets ruder. I truly think he thought I'd get this interstim placed and then in 4-5 days I'd be cured and out looking for a job, wouldn't we all like that to happen? I can't work because of the chronic everyday and SEVERE IC pain that I have. We're broke, have no money, barely making the bills and I don't know what it is he expects me to do. When I do ask him he just walks away, that doesn't solve anything other than make me more upset and more anxious, ya know?
I've forgotten already what pre-IC life was like and wish that somehow I could go back in time to that wonderful time but even when I look back we still had problems in our marriage then. He tries to blame our current marrital problems on IC and all the associated disorders I've been diagnosed with since then on IC but we've had problems since we got together.
I've got a 7 year old in the house that is so full of stress that is on an anti-depressant, anxiety meds and meds for ADD cause she can't concentrate in class. Her counselor thinks it's because of all the stress at home, yelling, screaming, fighting, etc. The harder I try to make it stop the worse it seems to get. Her counselor said no more, especially in front of her but that doesn't seem to stop him (hubby) from making snide remarks or saying things to set me off.
I'm at a point where I'm very depressed, still sick and healing from surgery and things just don't make alot of sense. You'll all find it really easy to say you need to leave and move on but it's not that easy. I have no money, no place to go and need help with the kids because I'm so sick with IC, Fibromyalgia, Severe Depression and Anxiety and a recent surgery that will take some time to heal. Plus I ended up with a severe skin allergy to the adhesive they used on me post-op that appeared/looked like it was the beginning of a staph infection but thank God it wasn't.
It's just all so much at once. I need to take things one day at a time. I'm worried about running out of pain meds, I'm worried about my dull marriage and getting no attention or love from him, I'm worried about getting the recovery time that I truly need and deserve and I'm worried that staying in this marriage is only making my children's anxiety levels worse because they are so sick of the fighting and arguing that goes on here.
:help: I seriously don't know what do here. My Mom says to concentrate on me and get myself better and then tackle each problem one at a time from there, but for someone that just naturally worries constantly about every thing that still isn't an easy task. I always put everyone else before me and not used to putting myself first.
WHAT SHOULD I DO? DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY SUGGESTIONS? HELP ME, PLEASE!
Lost, Stressed to the Max, Confused, Hurting and In Total Pain,
Tracy K.
My husband thinks that because surgery was 4 days ago that I should be back to normal and to be quite frank "I don't know what "normal" is". It hurts still to bend over or pick anything up and I was told to take it easy and rest for a couple of weeks. (Couple of weeks NOT 4 days). He keeps saying to me that I'm sitting in the house rotting away and always on the computer. I come to this site to find support because I don't get it from him and that's what he doesn't understand. My shrink increased my anti-depressant this week but I don't see yet where it's helping, maybe it's not the right medication I don't know. He also has me on a mood stabilizer which I can see a difference as far mood swings but I'm just so down about life right now. It seems as though everything is stacked against me.
I feel like I have to ration what pain meds I do have and that's not fair to my body when I wake up in excrutiating pain and feel like I have to cut back. I still need pain meds from my surgery which was just 4 little days ago, it's not like it's been months, ya know? I feel like he's (hubby) expecting way too much of me and I've tried talking to him and he just gets ruder. I truly think he thought I'd get this interstim placed and then in 4-5 days I'd be cured and out looking for a job, wouldn't we all like that to happen? I can't work because of the chronic everyday and SEVERE IC pain that I have. We're broke, have no money, barely making the bills and I don't know what it is he expects me to do. When I do ask him he just walks away, that doesn't solve anything other than make me more upset and more anxious, ya know?
I've forgotten already what pre-IC life was like and wish that somehow I could go back in time to that wonderful time but even when I look back we still had problems in our marriage then. He tries to blame our current marrital problems on IC and all the associated disorders I've been diagnosed with since then on IC but we've had problems since we got together.
I've got a 7 year old in the house that is so full of stress that is on an anti-depressant, anxiety meds and meds for ADD cause she can't concentrate in class. Her counselor thinks it's because of all the stress at home, yelling, screaming, fighting, etc. The harder I try to make it stop the worse it seems to get. Her counselor said no more, especially in front of her but that doesn't seem to stop him (hubby) from making snide remarks or saying things to set me off.
I'm at a point where I'm very depressed, still sick and healing from surgery and things just don't make alot of sense. You'll all find it really easy to say you need to leave and move on but it's not that easy. I have no money, no place to go and need help with the kids because I'm so sick with IC, Fibromyalgia, Severe Depression and Anxiety and a recent surgery that will take some time to heal. Plus I ended up with a severe skin allergy to the adhesive they used on me post-op that appeared/looked like it was the beginning of a staph infection but thank God it wasn't.
It's just all so much at once. I need to take things one day at a time. I'm worried about running out of pain meds, I'm worried about my dull marriage and getting no attention or love from him, I'm worried about getting the recovery time that I truly need and deserve and I'm worried that staying in this marriage is only making my children's anxiety levels worse because they are so sick of the fighting and arguing that goes on here.
:help: I seriously don't know what do here. My Mom says to concentrate on me and get myself better and then tackle each problem one at a time from there, but for someone that just naturally worries constantly about every thing that still isn't an easy task. I always put everyone else before me and not used to putting myself first.
WHAT SHOULD I DO? DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY SUGGESTIONS? HELP ME, PLEASE!
Lost, Stressed to the Max, Confused, Hurting and In Total Pain,
Tracy K.