Am I over sensitive??

[Haysmom3]

Hi All-
Let me give you a "brief" history of my IC...7 years ago I found out I was pregnant, pregnancy and my body didn't mix well. Basically I was put on bed rest the last 3 months of my pregnancy because of swelling and high blood pressure. I gained 100 pounds during my pregnancy. Last February i had a total hysterectomy because my uterus was falling out. That is when they discovered my IC. They did a hydro when I was under for my hysterectomy. Anyway, last night my husband has the nerve to say that if I wasn't heavy (50 pounds over what I think I should be) I wouldn't have these problems with my bladder. Are you kidding? He has been in and out of work for the last 5 years. I have worked fulltime since my daughter was born 6 years ago. I have the stress of this disease and his unemployment among eveything else and he wants me to lose weight, that will make it all better?!! Am I overly sensitive?

[Betsie]

Oversensitive?

Um, let me think...NO! It was a comment that is only hurtful and I don't care if you had brain surgery or a frontal lobotomy, I just think no one has the right to accuse anyone of anything regarding weight. On the other hand if your Dr. in a confidential chat communicated weight loss could be a preventitive measure towards illness, etc. that is different.

I don't think you are over sensitive...perhaps it's one that is worth ignoring. So, sorry.

[yvette]

(((((((Haysmom)))))))))))) I'm not sure what weight you should be at or if it does directly affect IC. Personally I am trying to lose weight because its medically been shown that the extra "padding" has to go somewhere. And it can get to the point where it *squishes* your internal organs. I know I feel better losing 25 pounds. I can breathe easier, I can move around easier

Now as far as your husband goes and are you overly sensitive...I think we all have been overly sensitive with having IC. I mean really, we feel sick, we feel overwhelmed and its tough to stay thick-skinned when we feel so bad and venerable. Hubby may mean well but his delivery may need a little more finesse...

What do you think? Do you think you'd feel better?

[dancemomof2]

My hubby makes comments like that all the time to me, especially if he is having a hard day dealing with my IC. I just laugh and tell him you have 3 babies by c-section and 5 other abdmonial surgeries and see how attractive you are. I don't think they really think about what there saying, how there saying it, and if it is a good time to say things. Take care.

[ICNJess]

Before I go into my two cents, I'd like to give a little background. 5 years of a nasty hormone imbalance plus the inactivity from being in pain caused me to gain quite a bit of weight. While I have lost quite a bit, I still have a little ways to go, so I can sympathize with your situation.

What I would like to say is, I can understand why you would be hurt by your husband's words. I will say this much, too; when I was skinny, I had IC, and it was as bad then as it is now. You sound like you have been through an awful lot lately, take your time with your weight loss, and make sure it is something you want to do. Be motivated by what YOU want, not what your husband wants.

I've learned to quit worrying about what other people think of my weight, and have become comfortable in my own skin. Losing weight has just become the low-fat crouton on the top of the salad. (LOL) Do it for yourself, and the rewards will be greater. When I was 15 or 16 years old I struggled with anorexia because I overheard some hurtful words, and ended up losing 30 pounds in just a few months...when I realized not to care what other people thought, it changed everything.

Ok sorry about all that babbling, but I see what you put in your post about all those surgeries and problems and then what your hubby has to say and I can totally relate to having someone you love tell you that you should lose weight. I wish you all the success in the world, and soft hugs. :)

Jess

[desolationangel]

well, i'm several pounds underweight and i have ic... so... i don't think weight has much to do with it!

i do however think that your husband was being insensitive. could you show him some literature on IC just so he could better understand the nature of the disorder??

i mean, i drag my boy along with me to counseling, not because we already have a problem, but because i'd like to prevent one from ever happening!

[codyryonwoodward]

You are not being overly sensitive. WEIGHT has nothing to do with IC. When they found my IC I weighed 117. Then started Elvial and gained weight was up to 165. I am now back down to 125. Tell you husband to shut up b/c losing weight will not make you IC better. It could make other health issues better but not IC. You have enough to deal with then listening to his crude and insenstive remarks. I wish you luck...

[vm]

I don't know if weight affects the severity of our IC or not. It certainly doesn't "cause" it if that's what he is thinking. Maybe if he understood a little more about the disease it might help him know that weight doesn't cause the disease at all. I don't know if losing weight would help your symptoms or not.

Maybe a heart to heart with him about how much the comment hurt you sprinkled with some facts about IC might help. He should at least be told that it hurt your feelings. :kissing:

[kadi]

You know, when I first got IC, I was so sick, I lost a pound a day from not being able to eat due to pain. I assure you the weight loss didn't do a thing to help the IC. What did help was appropriate treatment... Unfortunately, 2 of the meds I'm on (Elavil & Necon) tend to cause weight gain (plus the lack of exercise for the past year), so I'm about 25 pounds overweight, but I feel way better than I did 35 pounds lighter & sick as a dog...

Am very sorry your husband made that dumb comment, it really isn't helpful... I think sometimes people want to "blame" us for the IC, because it makes them feel less helpless - like it's still something we can control. Doesn't make the comment any less dumb, but maybe not surprising... I am still astonished at the stupid things people have said to me since I got IC a year and a half ago.

Isn't it unfair that we get a frustrating and chronic illness and then have to spend a bunch of energy trying to make other people okay with it?????!!!!!!!!

[Annie2]

You've received so many good responses. I think we all can agree you are not at all overly sensitive.

One thing to keep in mind is that most men are problem solvers and action oriented. It can be very frustrating to them when they feel there is nothing they can "do" to solve the IC problem. I understand how hurtful his words were. Perhaps he believed he had found a solution to the problem....you lose weight and your IC would go away or at least would be less severe. There. Problem solved. No need to deal with it any more. If only it were that simple!!! And I can attest to the fact that weight loss does not cure IC. I was very overweight when I developed IC. By following the IC diet and eating healthy, well-balanced meals, I dropped 60 lbs in the first 9 months. Did it help my IC? No, not one bit. In fact, my IC got a bit worse as my weight went down. Following the diet helped my bladder but it was finding the right combo of meds for me along with the diet that gave me more control over IC. Yes, losing weight made me feel better in other ways and did have a positive impact on my overall health. But then I had to deal with comments like "You look so GOOD...you must be feeling so much better!" Even my PCP said that to me. Argggghhhhhh!!!

Weight is a very personal issue and it's affect on your overall health is something for you to discuss with your doctor. I do agree with the others. Maybe it is time for a good long open discussion with your husband. Talk about all these issues and let him know how his comment made you feel. You might also suggest some action oriented things your husband can "do" to help you deal with IC like accompanying you to doctor's appointments and becoming an active participant in your health care team, helping plan IC-friendly meals, helping with household tasks that are difficult for IC patients (like vacuuming). Perhaps if he felt there were problem solving things he could "do", he might feel less helpless in dealing with your IC.

:grouphug: to you!
Annie

[sister]

:grouphug:

I am so sorry your husband made such a comment. That was incredibly insensitive of him.

I wear a size four and have IC. I am sure my symptoms are probably similar to yours. He obviously needs to do some more research and perhaps be a little more sensitive to what you are going through.

Losing weight might help you feel a little better but it will probably have little effect on your condition. I was at a size 12 earlier this year but lost a good deal of weight due to feeling like major crap (Stress just doesn't bother my IC it makes me puke...I do NOT do well with stress). Yeah, I am skinnier now but I still feel like crap. Only difference is my clothes size really...

[janelle77362]

No I do not think you are being over sensitive AT ALL! Your husband is being insensitive and ignorant. If he really cared about you and your needs he would take the time to really learn what causes and worsens IC. Providing him with educational material or taking him to one of your uro visits may help him understand better and cut you some slack. Just remember that having IC can sometimes be as hard on your spouse as it is on you. Don't let him be disrespectful of you but be considerate to the fact that he is probably having a difficult time coping too.
:kissing:
Janelle

[blue]

Geez, what a jerk! Does he have any idea what these medications do to our bodies????? What they do to our emotions? What this stupid disease does to our lives? He had no business making a remark like that!

[loccolil]

ok to begin with i have had ic for 25 years and ,it is no fun and dont get any better, it takes a certian kind of person to put up with you, not only for me but also for the person that lives with you . and i know that it is hard. but your husband is very wrong and if he dont change and show you a little afection on how you feel , things are going to get bad between the two of you, cause most weman and men that has this has problems with having sex and i have really bad mood changes, there are times that i will set around and cry for now reason and it is really hard to deal with, not only for me but for the person that you live with to.i feel for you all and , i will be praying for you all. i have never had any thing that has been so pain full and the thing is you can control the pain on your own. with what you eat, and what you do. yes your activeaty also plays a part on the pain. there are several other thing that goes along with ic, that is irritable bowl syndrom, somtimes high blood pressure, fibromaliga,so guys the long hall has just started. i have been going to the hospital for 25 years for bladder dialations , with dmso and heprin instilled in the bladder. it is down to every 2 months to have to get this done. i hope i have helped some of you . lilly or loccolil