Depressed and need cheering up

[ibtracy]

Hi everyone. I usally try to be so upbeat and happy but I'm struggling today. As many of you know I had the trial Interstim Implant put in on Monday. I'm depressed because it's not working as I hoped it would. It's actually causing more pain and discomfort although it is working on frequency but for me that isn't enough.

I'm just so down in the dumps. I'm on my 2nd week of Zoloft (50mg) and it's not working fast enough and I think my depression is worse than normally first diagnosed. I cry alot, easily frustrated, have the holiday blues and don't care much about Christmas even coming up. I'm usually the holiday happy person not the scrooge.

I woke up this morning after having my Interstim on and running all night for the first time and I'm flaring amongst everything else. It's just not a good day.

I caught my lead wire on the bathroom door handle so that's hurting too, maybe I should of posted in the venting section rather than here but I'm so depressed about Christmas. Here is is 1 week from Christmas and I haven't been able to buy my oldest daughter a thing and all we've gotten for our youngest is a barbie head that you do her hair and make-up. Financially we're tapped without my income coming in and loosing my job has really hurt us. They haven't made any decisions about my disability yet and probably won' t for another month or 2.

I just don't know what to do to get me out of this dark hole I'm trapped into. I'm weak and tired still from surgery, have lots of IC pain, the anesthesia is causing my Fibromyalgi (along with the cold weather, in the teens) to flare up. I'm just one huge MESS!

:help:
Tracy K.

[Babs RN]

After surviving what I considered hell these past few weeks, I hope you start to feel better too. I will be home all day. PM with your number if you really want to talk. You've been there for me with words of encouragement, I wish I could jump on the next flight to SD and hug you.

Healing thoughts buddy,
Barb :kissing: :grouphug:

[jaime15]

{{Tracy}}
I hope better days are ahead. Are you supposed to feel better w/ the stim so soon after the surgery? Have you tried contacting your doctor about the zoloft? Maybe it needs an adjustment since you feel so blue. But you have a lot to deal with and this time of the year always has a person in stress overload.
I wish there was something I could do or say to make you feel better......so I hope this hug will do....... :grouphug:

[ibtracy]

:) It's just nice to know that people care, ya know? Between surgery, the holidays, not being pleased with the Interstim so far (that's a real let-down) and feeling really blue. Plus it's hard to sleep at night with all the incisions and the lead wire, can sleep on my back, cnan't sleep on my favorite side b/c of the incisions so nights are rough. Life is just a mess rightnow. Jon (hubby) isn't helping much either, he doesn't get "depression" he says stupids stuff like well just quit being depressed, doesn't he know if it were that easy I would do that? :cussing: Just adds fuel to the already burning fire. I woke up this moring in immense, raging pain inside my bladder. My Fibro is acting up so basically I'm just falling apart or so it seems.

Thanks for your rapid responses...I"m gonna go try to lay down for a while.

Tracy

[Betsie]

Aside from anything that might complicate life, like pain or illness I know I have to really struggle sometimes to fight the holiday blues. I think it doesn't matter whether there are financial burdens, emotional ones or just basic memories, good and bad that surface....many people just really struggle with the whole season.

I realize that your pain and interstim are complicating this, but I try to focus on the fact that Christmas is only one day and we put way too much emphasis on it. We burden ourselves terribly and then the next day, it seems so clear that half our worries were needless. Last year my mother went into a coma and wasnt expected to live through Christmas, a year later I am shopping for her and playing elf to all her support people in a nursing home. It is truly a miracle that she is here and likely she will not be next year. So, when I get whiny with myself, I realize she is humble enough to accept her new life and she never complains.

I am not sure if I have had that gene passed on, but it does help me regroup sometimes.

The best of guys don't get a lot of things, including depression, and I think it is basically that it scares them. It is easier sometimes to deny the things we are most concerned about. I am sure the stim, the decisions involved and the procedure have drained both of you and if its not better for you yet, I am sure you are both at your wits end. Though I expect it will take more time for you to feel good with the trial.

Hopefully you will figure out how best to proceed with it and feel good about the decision.

As for the zoloft....make sure its the right one for you. That is one i had an awful time with. Others do very well, but for me I was very agitated, felt very nervous and even though it usually is a good 4 weeks for anti-ds to kick in, I gave up after 2. I went back to Lexapro and its been great for me. I guess my point is, regarding a change, make sure it is not making you feel worse before you discuss an increase. In my case it needed a change completely...it was the same for me with Wellbutrin and Prozac, so it may take some patience and tweaking before you get the right one.

Hopefully your spirit will return and the holidays can be a happy time for all. Just planning a special breakfast can make christmas morning so festive...perhaps your girls can join in and help you plan some easier ways to celebrate this year. :kissing:

[dancemomof2]

Tracy, First off Big hugs, wish i were there then we could do the interstim together and figure it out as we both go along. if you need to talk you may also PM me your numbr if you would like.I have free long distance.

[Dixiefireball]

Tracy,
i'm so sorry that your hurting so and have the hoilday blues. Im shareing the hoilday blues with you. I don't have any presents for my children yet.
with my health going down so fast dont know what i'm going to do.
if you need to talk hon please buzz me or call me.
lylas
Rhonda

[vm]

Tracy- I feel so sad reading your post and the one on the Interstim board. I don't have the Interstim, but I can imagine that after doing all the research, asking all the questions, and making the HUGE decision to proceed with it ---- and now to feel so unsure as to whether or not it is helping or making things worse must be very stressful. :( I know you must have hoped you would be feeling a big positive change today. :(

We are all thinking of you here. I hope the gals who have had the interstim have been some help - I know it makes such a difference to talk to other people who have been there.

I wish I knew more about interstim and the trials and all of that - but I really know nothing so I have no wise words. Just know we are all here pulling for you. :kissing: I hope you get some answers soon.

[ICNDonna]

I'm so sorry your interstim trial isn't working as well as you hoped. It must be heartbreaking. I wish I could do your shopping for you. I know where all the restrooms are located so I wouldn't mind at all.

I'm sending gentle hugs and warm well-wishes your way.

Donna

[work it]

Tracy, Having the holiday blahs are never fun and I know how much pain you are in so that doesn't help. My Dr that I see for depression pointed out that alot of us get the winter depression. I have to agree with the cold and yuck I just don't want to leave the house.

I am sorry that this is a difficult time money wise also that never helps. I bet your kids will be pleased with anything they get. I found for me this year that shopping on line was the way to go. I did over half of the shopping that way. I don't have to fight the lines or crowds and it comes to my door. And my bathroom is not far away!

You know how to find me so if you need me just give me a buzz.

[mayray518]

I know how you feel girl. sometimes IC problems are just so overwhelming. The only advice I can give you is that this too will pass. I dont know how all us ICers cope. We are one brave bunch of women.

[Babs RN]

Tracy,
I hope you are better. Let me know if you need anything.

Hugs,
Barb :grouphug:

[ibtracy]

:) It always makes me feel good when I post and get such wonderful replies of support. You all are so special and I thank you all for caring for me so much. It helps. Too bad you're not all closer for me to give a big Christmas hug too. Today, emotionally, is a little better of a day. My husband told his parents and sister and 2 nephews they could come over today which I'm not real okay with, but it's a little late now.

I woke up in excrutiating pain this morning which isn't helping today be a better day all around either.

I go to see my shrink next week and hopefully he can do something about this depression and kicking it up a notch before the holidays. Not many people understand depression or anxiety in my family so it doesn't make the holidays any easier. I'd like to curl up in a ball and cry but have to keep kicking for my girl's sake, they don't like to see their Mommy hurting or crying. It's like putting on a show though i feel like sometimes, not letting the real me out.

Somehow I'll survive I guess. Thanks again guys, for all your support. It's so nice to have a place to come to and ask for support on the crappy days that we all have sometimes. IC is not only a bladder disease but an emtional one as well. I HATE IC and wish i was never cursed with it!

Tracy K.

[Babs RN]

Tracy,
I've had that talk with God about being in the funky disease line one too many times as my little soul prepared to meet fetus me. I plan on having a chat with him up there at the end too. Talk about the shallow end of the gene pool......

Hugs,
Barb :kissing: :love:

[andcohen]

Hi Tracy,
I hope you are feeling better soon :) This is a hard time of the year to feel so crappy. Please don't push yourself too much, I'm sure the family will understand if Christmas is not exactly what you would like it to be this year. You have been through alot & still going through it. Don't feel as though you have to be iron woman to be a good wife & mother, I'm sure they all know you love them & looking after yourself is just as important to them is it is to you. If Chrissy is a bit casual this year don't worry........just take a bit of time to relax & recover, let them know that's what you need this Christmas.
Take care
Andrea :grouphug:

[Hope]

Tracy,

Just wanted to send out some cyber hugs :grouphug:
Give the zoloft some time, it can take a month. And give yourself a break too. You are just recuperating from the surgery, which in itself is enough to leave you exhausted and depressed.

Just remember that you are not alone.

Love,