MakinIT
11-28-2004, 08:00 PM
No...I haven't been reading the bible...but I had I revelation today. I was one angry and frustrated pup today. My husband has ALWAYS had this thing with being able to focus on one thing so hard that he does not hear anything else, usually reading the paper. So...He gets up, pours a cup of coffee and notices my youngest daughter riding her new bike she got for her birthday. She dashed in and he says "I want to video tape you on your bike". Now, the older 15 year old says "NOOO..I haven't showered, I look ugly...yaddah.." so of course the 9 year old (who looked adorable with ruddy cheeks, gloves, scarf etc..) says "No daddy, I look ugly too.." At which I shot my oldest a glare, as we've had discussions about her comments rubbing off on Kelsey before. So, Hubs puts the video camera down and starts reading the paper. Of course, Kelsey says..."Ok daddy, you can video tape me"....Roger was already in another place. I told her to wait, she already said no, wait til he was done with the article. She waited. She asked about every 2 minutes for about an hour. My husband NEVER responded to her, and picked up a new section of the paper. He wasn't trying to be mean...He just was clueless. So, now I have a whiny 9 year old on my hands and I, as most women, cannot shut out the noise of my whining child. So I just pushed the paper down and calmly and politely said, your daugher has been waiting for you for over an hour and you have not even given her the courtesy of a response. He got up, said, "I can't read here anyway" and marched back to our room. Now my overreaction happens. I follow him in and said "what was that supposed to mean, youv'e been reading just fine"..he ignored me, got dressed, I got ******, threw an empty pop can and flung myself on the bed kicking, screaming and punching. He just looked at me and said "I don't even know what to say to you."
I've been analyzing this and other events, in my journal, and have decided that it is a lack of power in my life that is causing my depression. My kids (I know they love me) have no respect for me right now. My husband ignores me. My friends...Well, I feel cut off. I can't drive. I have a Master's degree and I get treated by these federal agencies like an idiot. AND the problem is, the meds I'm on make me an idiot. I would almost like to just live by myself for a while and just get back in touch with myself. This has been the roughest period in my life, and, of IC the past 2-3 months has been the worst. I am covered, starting in January, with my counselor. He has been in some contact with me since we were cut off from each other last time.
Gotta go....Good night....Sleep tight. :bunny:
I've been analyzing this and other events, in my journal, and have decided that it is a lack of power in my life that is causing my depression. My kids (I know they love me) have no respect for me right now. My husband ignores me. My friends...Well, I feel cut off. I can't drive. I have a Master's degree and I get treated by these federal agencies like an idiot. AND the problem is, the meds I'm on make me an idiot. I would almost like to just live by myself for a while and just get back in touch with myself. This has been the roughest period in my life, and, of IC the past 2-3 months has been the worst. I am covered, starting in January, with my counselor. He has been in some contact with me since we were cut off from each other last time.
Gotta go....Good night....Sleep tight. :bunny: