Advice on Mom...

[Hollydoll85]

Ok, so I haven't exactly told my mom that I'm having to withdraw from classes this semester since I've missed so many classes. I know I need to talk to her rather than just failing out and telling her then, but I need help trying to tell her. We've kinda had a difficult time communicating lately and I know she doesn't mean it, but every conversation we've had as of late has turned into her attacking me for my beliefs, etc. For example, she asked me if I voted for the "right" candidate for president. I said yes cause I felt I did. She lectured me telling me I didn't know anything about the way the world works and that I only voted that way cause my bf did...bla bla bla. Didn't listen to any of my explanations. We have tried counselling. Any time the therapist tells her she's wrong about something, we have to stop going to that person. I'm scared to death she's going to be disappointed in me and it IS my fault, but if I can barely get out of bed in the morning, there's no way I'm driving 20 minutes to school to sit through a three hour class when I don't even know what I want to do with my life...anyway...any hints on how to tell her?

[ICNDonna]

That's a tough one. I'm assuming you do not live with your parents. There's not really an easy way for you to do this --- one way might be to write it out for her. If your doctor has been part of your decision, include that information. One thing you might consider is opting to take "incompletes" for the classes you won't be able to pass. That way you can still gain some knowledge, even if you have to repeat some.

Good luck!
Donna

[kelly McC]

sending huggs.
hope it all works out for you!
Kelly

[jaime15]

A letter about your feelings and certain printed out lectures about IC would be a good start.....if she wants to know more then get phamplets about IC from your uro's office.
When I was first dx'ed my uro said it was something I was born with and just "decided" to rear its ugly head at that time in my life....my mother had come with me and when I met her back in the waiting area she asked questions about IC...I gave her the phamplets and told her it was a birth defect....she felt so guilty that she might have eaten or did something during her pregnancy with me.....I just let it go at that and she has been so supportive......I hope your mother will come around.
Oh and about the voting thing.....my mother and I didn't agree about the candidates either....so when she asked me....I told her it was private. ;)

[andcohen]

I really carn't give you much advice, but I found the one way I could really get my Hubby & family to understand what it is really like to live with IC is to show them this website. I think that after seeing this & reading some of other peoples stories that they can try & understand what we go through & that this is a very real diease.......
Good luck with it all. :grouphug:
Andrea

[kadi]

Oh yeah! I remember when I was a senior in college & my mom asked who I was going to vote for. I told her & she sent me to my room!!! I was so surprised I actually went.
Then thought, "Hey, wait a minute!" & started to pack my bag to go back to school. She came in, saw the bag & apologized, said she just wasn't used to us having such different opinions.... That doesn't mean that 15 years later she likes my politics any better though (oh well...).

About leaving school, I think if I were a parent, my questions would be, "Are you going back next term? "What are you planning to do instead of school?" I can't offer you much advice, but I'd definitely try to figure out some possible answers before you tell her.

Wishing you good luck in whatever you decide (and hey, at least you've got another four years before another presidential election!)
Sending a hug,
Kadi

[Betsie]

As a mother of one in and one out of college, here is my first thought...no further thinking. It is tough to be a Mom and for some it is challenging beyond the obvious.

Given that you are so aware of your mother's views and her likely reaction...I would take this in simple stages.

I would ask her this, and know that I really do understand this is far more complex than what is being related here in this thread.

"Mom, it is really important that we sit down and have a serious discussion. I have avoided this given our oppsing opinions, but first I would like to know if you are willing to sit down with me and really LISTEN to me and my concerns. I would like you to consider this and let me know if this is something you are open for. If you can try to respect my feelings and really HEAR me, I promise to also be listening when it is our turn to comment. Let me know if you are open to this, as it means a lot to me."

Then I would see how the first reaction is prior to jumping in and be open to what you already know may take place. I think being true to yourself and showing her your options will go further than just bickering. Been there, done that....:)

Good luck, this may sound too textbook, but said with conviction i do think it can LEAD to a discussion.

Note my tag line at the bottom...I often offer this as guidance to my daughters and myself.....

[Ginny]

Sometimes our parents surprise us and can handle things better than we think. I can remember being young and worrying about what my mom would think and then find out it was not that bad.

I am sure my daughter went through the same thing 2 weeks ago when she told me she was withdrawing from college. After 2 days of being upset for her I realized she made a smart decision to get out of a situation that was not good for her.

Ginny

[Hollydoll85]

Hey all, I thought I'd update you. I tried to talk to mom about it...she told me I would have to move home if I wasn't in school and blew me off. Today she asked me if I was concerned about school and I told her yes, i've been really sick and I've missed a lot of class." She completely ignored that comment and went on to another topic. I asked my nurse practitioner to write a note to give to the school and I'm supposed to get it Wednesday. Maybe I'll sit mom down and show it to her. I really don't want to move home....

[ICNJess]

Holly,

Why not print out a bunch of info about the pain and difficulty of IC, and share it with your mom? When I had to withdraw from college, my dad was so upset, and it was really hard to talk to him about it. (At that time we didn't know it was IC that I was dealing with) Anyway, once I was dx'd, I showed him all about IC and he finally understood. The dust will settle, and your mom's main focus will be all about you, not whether or not you are in school.

Hugs and luck!
Jess

[Hollydoll85]

I had a good talk with my mom and amazingly it went pretty well...I'm probably going to have to move back in with her (gulp) so keep us in your prayers....

[Dixiefireball]

~hugs and prayers being sent~