Please help me cope with my Dad's death!

[LooGirl]

Hello,
I am desperate and need help!!! My father passed away this morning. My 80 year old mother and I have been his caregivers for eight years. I was recently diagnosed with IC and I am in the worst flare ever today!! I just started Elmiron and Nortriptylene, but I cannot deal with this hideous pain now or over the next week when I have to be strong for my father's funeral. How can I possibly do this??? I haven't been out of pain since July, do drugs can even touch my pain, and now I am so sad and stressed, I just can't catch my breath. How can I deal with the coming days?? I had just started PFD therapy, but now I must interrupt it. The burning in my bladder is unbearable, and I feel like I am dying of cancer. Is there ANY drug I can take without being wacked out from side effects???? PLease, please help me. I will check this website tomorrow.
Thank you.

[Dixiefireball]

Oh hon i'm so very sorry to here about your fathers passing. I had to deal with my mother passing when i was 13 years old :( and its getting about the time of the anv. of her death :(
can you take Pyridium or Pyridium plus? all the other meds i know to take would make you feel waked out :(
I will be sending you your mother and all of your other family members prayers
Rhonda

[Mel53H]

I am thinking maybe you need to take an anti-anxiety drug. Maybe Antivan or Valium. Take a half of a dose and it won't wack you out. It probably is the nerves that are making you flair.

I am so very sorry to hear of you dad's passing. My heart goes out to you and your mom.

:grouphug: to you and yours!

Mel53H

[ICNDonna]

Please --- I urge you --- telephone your primary care doctor and ask for something to help you through these next few days. When I lost my brother, my doctor gave me a tranquillizer, which helped me through the initial horrible days.

It does get easier with time --- I promise you it will. I lost my father many years ago and I will always miss him, but I am so thankful he was a part of my life. Try to remember something good about him every day. And it helps to talk about good times. I'm so very sorry for your loss.

Sending gentle hugs and prayers your way,
Donna

[Alexa]

I am so, so sorry for your loss. I think the above advice is wonderful - please talk to your doctor as soon as possible.

You're in my prayers and thoughts :pray: :pray:

Warm hugs,
Alexa

[XoChelsey03Xo]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I will be praying for you and your entire family. I understand how stress can cause your bladder to flare. Just remember you will see your Father again. He's now one of God's angel. He's always looking down on you and your family. Chelsey

[AmandaRN]

I am so sorry about your loss. It is very hard to lose someone you love. I agree with everyone that you must contact your doctor and ask for ativan or valium. Ativan is probably a better choice and will not make you as out of it as valium will. You may need percocet or something like it also for the pain, it may make you drowsy but it will ease the pain. My thoughts and prayers are with you at this difficult time.

[lalarainbow]

Hi,
My Dad passed away a little over a year ago.. It was a very difficult time. I was in a major flare...As others have said it would be good to talk to your Dr to get something to help you over the next little while.
My heart goes out to you...It sure is hard to deal with and can understand your feelings.
Take care
~~Pam~~

[kelly McC]

prayers for you and your family,
Kelly

[LooGirl]

Thank you everyon. I am overwhelmed by your outpouring of care. I did take a 1/4 of a 10mg Valium (I am only 105 pounds and it usually only takes a tiny dose of meds to affect me), but alas, no relief, just very sleepy. Then I took Tylenol (is that ok with Elmiron and Nortriptylene?), but no releif either. My insides feel like scalding razor blades. All I do is cry for my Dad. I am so ANGRY that I have come down with this disease that is distracting me from being able to grieve properly for my father. I can't do both, I just can't. None of my relatives who will be arriving have any idea there is anything wrong with me, and I don't think it's appropriate to be discussing my bladder at a funeral. If only I could just ease the pain even 50%. I am so terrified of what lies ahead for me, now that I need to be strong for my mother. I just can't believe this is happening. I just hpe I don't forget to take my meds in the midst of all this. I can't handle the stupid dietary restrictions, or trying to have an empty stomach at med time. Not that I'm eating much anyway. I will just carry rice cakes with me for the next week, so I don't add to the misery. If you all can think of anything else, I really appreciate it. Thanks a million. It's great to know you are out there.

[kadi]

Your post reminded me so much of last January when my IC was full blown & my grandmother passed away. My thoughts & prayers are with you. These are a few things I did during that time of my life. Maybe something of my experience will be helpful to you?

I did tell my relatives that I'd been ill with IC (explained it briefly as "an autoimmune disease"), that it's uncomfortable, but not terminal & that my doctors were working on getting it under control. Also that I had to follow a strict medical diet or I had pain. I did this to deal with relatives pushing inappropriate food at me & was glad I had a "canned" answer ready to recite. It was pretty obvious I was ill & would have created more tension if I hadn't said anything...
If you can, call on your friends for support. Having my best friend at the memorial service & reception made it all much easier to deal with!

I don't know if you belong to a church?, but my church has helped me a lot. I talked with my minister several times, she also came to the memorial to support me. I also requested support from a "Stephen Minister" at my church (lay minister) who visited (& still visits) me once a week. I don't know if you have an option like that, but for me it was very helpful.

Wishing you better days soon,
Love,
Kadi

[shennan]

sorry for your loss!

hey, i feel worse in my bladder when my stomach is empty. try eating a baked potatoe... some rice is good too. i have even eaten some regular brown rice, too. i get so sick of plain white rice. broccoli and green beans are good, too.
i have lost weight since starting my heparin instills, so i know what you mean about not eating and just feeling ill. i have also bought some shredded wheat cereal. they have the plain kind--some have sugar in it. plain oatmeal is good, too. throw some brown sugar or honey in there. just a little.

darvocet takes away my pain. if you can get some pain meds....????
i sometimes have to take norco for those really crazy days. it does make me itch a little, though.

i bought arnica ointment for my vulva burning. it works....

good luck!
sorry!
:)
shenna

[ICNDonna]

Just for this week, it shouldn't be too bad if you take the elmiron without worrying about the empty stomach. You might try taking some pyridium (the over the counter stuff is AZO standard) to help with the burning. You'll want to wear panty liners since it does stain badly.

I'm sure your relatives will be very understanding. And you will find the strength to help your mother.

Sending warm hugs,
Donna

[ICLori]

I am so sorry for your loss. I know it hurts worse than you ever thought anything ever could. I lost my Mom a couple of years ago and I never knew anything could hurt so bad as that.

Everyone gave excellent suggestions regarding medicines, etc.

I hope and pray that there will be peace in your heart soon to help calm the grief. It won't hurt this bad forever. I promise. You will always miss him, and there will always be times you cry, but there will be minutes and then hours and then even whole days when you enjoy life again and look forward to the promise that we will see our loved ones again in heaven.

Many hugs to you.

Blessings, Lori

[Sarojini]

:grouphug:

I am so sorry to hear of your loss! You will be in my thoughts!

[bunnymoomoo]

T_T *sniffles* i'm sorry that you are going through such a tough time right now; i wish that i could give you some advice to help calm your IC so that you can better concentrate on your father's passing, collecting your emotions as well as helping your mother and other relatives get throught this very difficult time. i can only offer you my prayers and ear to lend if you need to talk ... *big hug*

~ bunny

[July]

You are in my prayers! I pray that God will carry you and give you strength to get through the next several days. There is some good advice in these messages. Perhaps it is just the anticipation of all that is going to be happening in the next few days that is really bothering you. I hope that once the events start, you are more at ease. It is such a hard thing that you are going through! Again, you are in my prayers!

[jeanniebug]

I am so sorry to hear that you've lost your father. My dad had a quintuplet bypass heart surgery a couple of years ago, and I was terrified that we would lose him. So ((LooGirl)), I will say a special prayer for you and your family tonight, that God will bring you comfort and peace during this very difficult time. If you are travelling for this, if it were me I would make sure to pack a heating pad for the trip, and just grab everything and anything that feels soothing to have with you. If you're staying local try to pamper yourself as much as possible. I know exactly how that "scalding razor blade" feeling is, it makes me feel like something is trying to eat me alive from the inside out. I will pray for some relief for you from your physical pain and for your loss. :pray: :grouphug: :pray:

[blue]

Sweetie, I know I'm really late in responding. I haven't been at the site lately. The stess and emotions I'm sure are aggrevating your IC. Make sure you get the opportunity to lay down, try to relax.

I was my Daddy's baby. When I lost him I was devastated. I understand how you must be feeling.

Can you updated us on your progress?

[blue]

Loo Girl, take a long hot baths, wear therma Care heat wraps, take your hydrocodone, ask your doctor for valium, maybe just temporarily he'll give you enough to sleep! If you can sleep, it will make a huge difference. Eat bland, comforting food, read a book, wear comfy clothes, cuddle you dog, stuffed animal, kids, whatever fits into the blank.

I hope you feel better soon.

[dyno]

I am very sorry for your loss. When I have been in those situations, I also have asked my Dr. for something to help me through it. Thinking of you and sending hugs.

[KristaM]

Hi there,
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I think everyone has given you some wonderful advice. I will be thinking about you and hope that you are feeling better soon.
Krista

[donutgirl]

So very sorry for your loss. Know that we care. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Hugs,

DIANE

[Iris]

Hi, I am so sorry to read about the loss of your father, and I know this must be a very stressful time for you and your mother. Sending lots of prayers, and know that we are all thinking of you at this time, hugs Iris. :grouphug: :grouphug:

[theclownster]

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your whole family. Let people know how you are feeling and take the time you need to grieve "your way" no matter what others think or say. It can be hard to get sleep during this difficult time, but if you can get some - that should help too. Take time to share your memories of your father and talk about old times. That might help you and your family. I'll continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Take Care!

Hugs~
Jennifer

[Cricketmk3]

I am very sorry about your father! Such a HUGE void when someone we love and care for is gone from our lives. The advice that has been given is great. Just allow the Heavenly Father and your own father's spirit to comfort you!

[Jean12]

I too am sorry to hear of your loss. Maybe you could try a heavier pain reliever at night before bed and then take the valium first thing in the morning. My thoughts are with you duing this most difficult time. Take time for yourself. You'll be tempted to be the rescuer and caregiver over the next few months and it is important to remember that your needs are important too.

Jean

[Katrina]

So very sorry for you loss. I agree that you need to give some time to yourself. I pray for healing for you and the love of God for your family. :pray:
:kiss:

http://www.ic-network.com/forum/showthread.php?t=7562

[Betsie]

I am sorry to be reading this so late. The loss of a parent is so very difficult. My own personal experience reminds me of how busy we are and how stressful it is...though we don't understand this while in the early stages of grief.

I did not have IC during my own experience(es), so I am thinking it is essential for you to be a little more protective of your heart as well as your physical self. I do remember profound exhaustion...

I just can't find the right words here, but I do hope you are just taking some moments for yourself and allowing yourself to grieve is important. It sounds so cliche, but I do think it's very important, especially when your health is impacted.

I hope loving memories will help heal your heart as well as your families. :kissing: