Its been over 2 months....

[heybrej]

It has been over two months (maybe longer...??) since I have had sex. I found out that I have syphillis....apparently I have had it well over a year. I took my antibiotcs, but my boyfriend and I still arent sleeping together because hes not done with HIS meds. As if thats not horrible enough.....

My bf and I are talking about getting engaged. Its hard for me to imagine him proposing to me when I never ever want to be intimate with him. The syphillis has been a scape-goat for me to say "no" when he wants to have sex. To be honest with you, i HATE it. I HATE HATE HATE sex. Its painful during as well as after. I get so scared of infections and flares. I love my boyfriend very much, and all of this is so hard. we are 19 and 20 years old, yet I feel like I am 60 when it comes to our sex life. :headbang:

[Babs RN]

Just wanted to say i'm here for you. My life story is a lot different than yours so I don't have alot to add but if you need to talk, please let me know. I have family in Sacramento and Elk Grove. On thing I can talk about is marriage--my hubby and I got married at 27-- 7years.



Hugs,
Barb

[Cricketmk3]

heybrej, I know where you're coming from. I have a boyfriend too but I'm 42 and so is he. We each have two children that we raise by ourselves so we don't often have an opportunity to be intimate but when we do, I'd rather watch a movie. I take Paxil and that does nothing for your sex life not counting the disinterest I have because of IC. He would marry me tomorrow but I have no desire to be put in the situation of sleeping with him every night and not wanting to do anything. I feel sorry for the poor guy being stuck with me but he's a sweetheart and I don't know what I'd do without him! At least I know he doesn't stay with me for the sex! Haha

[ICLori]

I completely understand where you are coming from. I wish I never had to have intercourse again, I am terrified of getting yet another UTI and I'm tired of being in pain, and it just plain old hurts during the act for me, and for days afterwards too.

I wish there were some easy answers. I wish there was some innoculation we could take, as children, that would make it so we never got a UTI or IC or anything like that. So that we would never feel scared or unhappy about normal relations with our SO's or husbands.

I don't have any advice to give you because I haven't resolved this in my own life yet either - but I wanted to let you know you aren't alone in your feelings and that I feel bad for you and for all of us in this boat.

Blessings, Lori

[Lex]

Hey, I know how you feel heybrej! I'm only 21 and I feel like an old lady when it comes to sex. Only some positions hurt me during though, but it is still pretty limiting. It is frustrating cause I want to intimate with my fiance on a regular basis, but it is getting harder. Maybe we should start an IC convent? lol

:pray:

[ICNDonna]

Developing a satisfying sex life is another of the challenges with IC. There's a lot of good information in the Patient Handbook on the subject. Also, it takes a lot of open communication and experimenting (and a lot of extra lubricant) --- but it's definitely possible.

Donna

[mayray518]

When I first got IC I was involved in a relationship which ended because of it. For the better part of 5 years I was bedridden and depressed and could have cared less about sex (not typically me). Now I have been pain free for 5 years and am involved in a relationship and my interest in sex has come back. Chronic pain can do a number on relationships and I know how hard it is for partner/spouse to understand. But there is hope once you can get to a pain free point.

[gloriabono68]

heybrej,
I too have lots of pain and sometimes mega flares after sex. Which totally sucks because i have finally learned to like it. But for almost two years i have had unexplainable pain with sex and my gyno keeps saying nothing is wrong. that its just in my head. I know it isn't. My URO has told me otherwise and i hear other ic folks saying similar things. Lots and lots of lubrication is a major necessity. I think that the KY we use though is bothering me. I had sex friday and the rest of the weekend and today even i am still hurting.......but i actually think its a yeast infection.......lately everytime we have sex and use the ky i end up with a yeast infection........which i think is really weird. Does anyone else have this problem?? You should discuss all your fears and worries with your boyfriend.....especially if you end up getting marrried . theres alot of things he needs to understand about that before you get married. I am lucky my fiancee is very patient and understanding about our sex life. He doesn't get upset or anything if i can't. He loves me reguardless. I am so blessed to have him in my life. Good luck......let me know how you are.

[heybrej]

Thanks guys for your kind replies :)

I have been working with my regular doctor to find out why it hurts so much (besides the normal bladder pain). She thinks that my vaginal region is imflamed and swolen from the IC. She prescribed me a high dose of Ibuprophen to try. She is also running some blood and urine tests. She also suggested that I got my Uro and talk to him. I am lucky to have such wonderful doctors. They truly want to help me.

My bf and I are doing well. We have been trying to be intimate in other ways, which helps.

Thanks again everyone, and God bless.

[DetroitMel]

Hey ladies,

Just wanted to add my two cents. I'm 25 and engaged and have been living with my fiance for the past 2 years. Sex was always a little painful for me since I was about 18 and I just thought it was normal!!!! Well, since being diagnosed with IC a year ago the pain got worse, and I've since been diagnosed with vulvar vestibulitis -- the culprit to the even more painful sex. If your vaginal area is red and swolen (inflamed) you might have VV ... I tried physical therapy, which didn't help, and I've recently tried Estrace cream, which also didn't help. Now I'm using a lidocane jelly every night before bed which my urogyn says has worked for some people. But in the meantime here are some suggestions for you (I should say, too, that just because these things work for me, doesn't mean that they would work for everyone - and they work on my VV, not necessarily my IC, although sometimes it's hard to tell which one is causing me pain) 1. Orgasm before your partner enters you - for me it makes it 100% better - my muscles are relaxed and there is less pressure and more lubrication. 2. Ask your doc to prescribe lidocane jelly - you rub it on right before and it sort of numbs the outer area and makes sex 10 times more comfortable. 3. I can't have sex during the 10 days or so during or after my period - the pain is a lot worse because everything down there is all raw and sore. 4. Urinate afterwards and apply an ice pack for a half hour or so - really helps.

But most importantly I'd say really talk to your boyfriend and let him know everything you are thinking and feeling about your sex life. It really helps. I went through a period of feeling really guilty for not wanting to have sex all the time (like the majority of other 20 something couples!). Plus I think having IC and all the meds tends to make some people (me for sure) sort of lose interest in sex - like where did my libido go??? But after talking about it with my fiance, I've felt so much better, and more comfortable doing the things we DO do. He wasn't aware that he was hurting me, and felt really bad when I told him ... But with the suggestions from everyone else here and lots of patience, you will probably be able to have a normal sex life ... I hope things work out for you! Who'd have thought we'd be having bad sex lives in our 20s, right? As someone who's desprately trying to take back control of her sex life, I'm always happy to chat with you all about it (whether you want to hear it or not)!

:grouphug:

Mel

[heybrej]

Thank you so much Mel, all of that really helps. Just yesterday, we had a little issue. My bf was trying to get me to do stuff (not sex, because he knows that it hurts me), and I was totally not into it, which he could sense. I could tell that he was sad- not because I wouldnt "put out" but because he wants to so badly to be close to me. I made him a promise that I would do anything it takes to get our sex life back.

I will deffinatly try the lidocane gel, that sounds like a great idea. Thanks for the help, all of you, you cant possibly know how good it feels to have support like this.


~Breanna