Pain doctor read me riot and made me cry for 45 minutes in his office, on my birthday

[ICNJess]

:birthday: to me...listen to my day...

I went to my second pain clinic. I will just give a run down because I am so exhausted and emotionally drained from what went down.

The doctor told me Fibromyalgia doesn't exist...at least not for some at the ripe age of 22.

IC isn't real...it's just a bladder infection...

I said, "But my bladder is shrunken, it's got scar tissue, and it's bleeding and raw!!" The jerk asked me what a hydro was. I told him. He said "Anyone would bleed if their bladder was filled that way".

He then proceded to tell me that it's all in my head. Although I have seen 4 urologists, each one telling me my case is severe, 2 of which have gone in and had a look around for themselves.

Then he told me I should go out and get a job. Leave the house more. Join a gym!! :mad: Make friends.

Then I told him about how we live with my parents because of our financial situation. He told me to move out. "If you are in pain, chances are your mother and father will do a chore for you. You need to do them on your own. But don't go home and tell them I said this, I don't want them coming after me." HA HA..

So I am sitting there crying, his nurse is handing me tissues, and he keeps ripping me a new one. This went on for about 45 minutes.

He asked what Interstim is. I told him. He didn't understand. I re-explained. He said, "a spinal cord stimulator?" and I said, "sort of"...and he goes, "Well it should've helped your pain!" and I told him about how it's not really meant for pain.

He then went onto say that Urologists shouldn't be certified to do InterStim, and that mine probably put mine in wrong, on the wrong nerves. I told him, no, it works just fine, I don't urinate as much as I used to. He disagreed.

:cussing:

So this was going on and I was crying, and he said some other things that I can't remember because I am emotionally burnt out. He shook my hand, and left. The nurse was trying to be nice, and made a follow up appointment for me.

I came home in tears, told my parents the story, and they were furious. My mom called my ob/gyn and told her about this, and the ob/gyn was angry too. She said there was no reason for any of this, and called the hospital on my behalf to complain, and suggested I write a letter of complaint. She also said that this is not the first complaint about him she has heard.

I feel so let down...I feel like I am crazy...I cried the whole way home while arguing with my husband who felt that this jackass had some merit.

I cried for about 3 hours to the point where I had the crying reflexes but no tears came. My eyes are still puffy, and dry, and I have a raging migraine to boot. I have never felt so insignifcant, or crazy for that matter. I wasn't expecting him to cure me...I just wanted a little help to lessen this pain.

He told me I should be grateful; there are kids my age dying from cancer. Well not to be cold and heartless, but I am not them...I am me, dealing with this for a long time now, and I know it isn't going to get any easier. I don't feel grateful. I feel crazy, let down, and minor.

I can't begin to explain how I feel...I keep hearing his words roll around in my head, and they are so cruel that I can't even post them.

This has been the worst birthday ever...I wish I didn't even exist.

[ICLori]

Oh, honey, I'm so sorry he treated you so badly. So many pain management docs seem to be just horrible like this, I don't understand why. But believe me, it was HIM not you. You have no reason to feel bad about yourself - that doctor needs to not be a doctor any more if you ask me!

I'm so sorry you went through this. I hope that your friends and family will help you to feel better soon.

Blessings, Lori

[ICLori]

I wish so much there was something better that I could say to make you feel better. I feel so bad that you are hurting so much and feeling so discouraged. You are such a good person, you don't deserve this at all :( I feel really helpless to know what to say. I hate being only on the internet sometimes and not in person. In person I could fix you a cup of IC-friendly tea and hug you and maybe make things better.

Blessings, Lori

[Mel53H]

My GOD!! That was one nightmare of a birthday! Don't go back to that doctor for sure. I am glad that you are thinking of complaining to the hospital. They need to know about these things. He does not know what he is talking about!!!

Please don't say you wish you did not exist!! Your mom loves you and all your family members here on the IC network care for you. Here is wishing you a VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! :birthday:

:kissing: :grouphug: :flower:

Mel53H

[vm]

What a complete A-HOLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Plain and simple - that is what he sounds like. Even someone who didn't "believe" in IC could have been considerate about it and not so mean spirited.

Ugh. So sorry for you, sweetie. No one deserves that - especially not on a birthday. Chalk him up as one more a-hole that makes us eternally grateful for all the wonderful docs out there! ;)

Don't give what he said a second thought. He obviously does not know what he is talking about and also does not know how to be human to someone who is in pain. Shame on him.

[jaime15]

Obviously he was having a pms moment.....I'd hate to think how he treats his "friends" when they aren't paying him for his time.......I'd write that complaint....and maybe it will be heard along with your gyn's complaint.......Happy Birthday for the rest of the evening....... :grouphug:

[dyno]

That was just not right. I hope you will file a complaint. I don't know where some of these Dr.s get the Prima Donna license.
Hopefully you will find someone who will help you.
Hugs, :grouphug:

[Lyn40]

Jess,
What a horrible and totally unfair experience. I just hate hearing awful dr. experiences like this. Please don't think you are crazy. This is his problem, not yours. He really needs to be dealt with. I'm so glad you are writing a letter and your mom has stepped in to help with the complaining. I have been to a pain center myself and know how important it is to have an understanding doctor to help treat you. You have been through way too much at your young age. Please hang in there. I know its a tough battle to get to the right place to seek the right kind of help. But you will. I'm so glad you shared your birthday story with all of us. You are not alone. Wish I was there to give you a hug. :grouphug:

:birthday:

[Katrina]

:birthday: That day of yours would give me a migraine too. I can't express to you how very sorry I am you had to go through that...and on your birthday too. I can't believe he didn't know what things were...than after you described them to him he became an expert and knew more than you all of the sudden. :grouphug:

I am also very sorry your husband wasn't more supportive. :kissing:

((((((many, many, many hugs))))))
:kiss:

[donutgirl]

ARRGGHH!!! I am sooooo angry that such inadequate doctors exist and treat patients that way. He is ignorant about IC AND about how to be a professional. I'm sorry you had such a rotten day, Jess....know that we care.

Hope you have a Happy Day AFTER your Birthday tomorrow. Know that we care.

Diane

[kelly McC]

:birthday: :birthday: First I wanted to say :birthday:
I am sorry... How terrible to be treated like that. I was so scared to go to my local pain clinic even my doctor said in her words Kelly dont get your hopes up. How encouraging. If she did not have faith in them I surely did not.
My only option was waiting on a 4 month waiting list to see a urologist who is a pelvic pain specialist. with the help of my recommending doc .I was on a waiting list and got in 2 months. I hope your able to find a pain doctor who will help you. Sending tons of birthday wishes and a great big hugg,
Kelly

[creatingkarma]

Please report this doctor. If nobody says anything, the the hospital who employs him will never know that his conduct is not appropriate & he will continue to treat people with disrespect. I'm soo sad that you were a victim today - on your very special day. Tomorrow will be a better day. :kissing:

[Dixiefireball]

Im so sorry jess you had to put up with an a hole like that ((((((hugs)))))))) i hope your day gets better.
I wish i knew what to say to make you feel better
but Happy Birthday any way. :grouphug:

I do agree I would never go back to that a hole again and i would file a report on him!! ASAP

[Betsie]

Jess! :birthday:

I am sorry this so called pain relief person caused you so much pain and on your special day! File that complaint and forget about him. Someone can and will take you seriously and work with you to find a treatment plan.

In the meantime, you need a birthday re-do!!!

A Thursday birthday should be pushed right into the weekend anyway. Hope you do something nice for yourself with people you love! Go see a movie and enjoy a nice meal out.

Don't ever let anyone make you feel you don't matter, you matter to all of us, and we would fix this if we could! :bonk: :headbang:

As for Chris? I bet he was just frustrated for you and let's face it, guys hate it when we cry...it renders them useless. Then they get stupid on us...but when they figure it out, they feel horrid.

So, after you re-do this day, let us know about it! When you sort this out, I am sure you can get some help with your pain, don't let some jerk make you stressed. Kim said it best...shame on him! :mad:

Hugs,
Bets :kissing:

[ICNDonna]

I have to agree that a letter of complaint is in order. Nobody should be treated in such a fashion. There has to be a better doctor available to you.

Sending a gentle hug,
Donna

[Sarojini]

I'm so sorry you were treated this way -- I have to agree that a letter of complaint is definitely in order here. And no matter what your husband says, this guy is an a-hole and you should definitely NOT go back there, no matter what.

:birthday:

[ICNJess]

Hi everyone,

Thanks for all of your support...I felt better after reading them. Last night I lied awake and questioned my sanity, and decided to write a letter after all. Basically it will come down to his word against mine, but for me, it will give me some closure. Today I remembered a few more things he said to me.

This one was real cute. "Your husband probably works over-time just so he doesn't have to come home to you!" Ack.

Hubby finally told me last night, rationally, that he just worries about me and doesn't think that everything the guy told me is right, but that some things did ring true. He says, "for example, you should try to maintain positive and not want to give in"...I can understand hubby's thinking...but only because he isn't faced with this stupid disease every single day of his life. I used to harbor a lot of anger towards people--including Chris--for not understanding, but I guess it's not really that they don't understand, but rather they feel helpless and want to help, but actually make things worse.

My gyn told me that I should give accupuncture a try. She said there is an excellent one in our area that just moved here and she personally has talked to them and that if they are unsure of what IC is, that they should just call her!! LOL

My gyn makes up for what that other doc lacks I guess, and we're celebrating my birthday Saturday anyway, it just sucks...I thought it would be nice to have just one nice day, but I guess it wasn't in the cards.

Anyway, thanks very much for all the support...it really flat out sucks that we have to go through the worst doctors just to get one competent one!

[Ginny]

I think he should be reported to the AMA. Think of how many other people he is saying this to and are believing him.
I'm sorry he put you through that.
Ginny

[ICLori]

I agree, please do report him to as many people as you can get to listen to you. He seriously needs to not be a doctor anymore IMO.

I'm so sorry you had to go through this :( I hope you will have a nice weekend anyway somehow, that it will make up a little for the bad birthday.

Blessings, and happy birthday (this weekend I count as your birthday since the real one wasn't so good!)

Lori

[Iris]

Hi Jess, and so sorry to read about the terrible time you had on your birthday. My heart goes out to you, as you are so young to be dealing with all of the medical problems you have to live with daily. That doc is definitely an ****hole, as many of the other gals have posted. Late :birthday: wishes to you, and hope you have a good time on Saturday. You know we all care about you, and how you are doing, sending you a big hug, and always here for you, Iris. :grouphug: :kissing: :hi: :flower:

[Amanda]

This is an ignorant man and an unqualified physician. He obviously is not up to date on research and has never had any kind of compassion.

So sorry you had such a bad day.

Amanda

[Betsie]

Hey Jess.

It just occurred to me...is he an M.D.? I think I have read where some pain clinics, are only staffed by psychologists and therefore are not able to prescribe, rather they impart "it's all in your head" wisdom. Obviously some do it way worse than others.

While their is an emotional component to any chronic disease/pain issue...pain is pain, and I think my reading suggested all pain clinics are not alike. I would be curious to see what his credentials actually are. Just a thought. :loco:

If that were the case...I would hope you could feel better in some ways knowing it was not in your best interest. He might have just been Dr. Pyscho babble for our listening pleasure...always a sure fire way to ward off pain and win friends.

:bonk:

[lalarainbow]

((((Jess))) that is so horrible...the first uro I went to and had urodynamics done was a jerk.. after I got dressed he comes back in says "I got to meet my kids on the bus in 10 min" he was in such a hurry.. then he wrote me a prescription - I get home to my local pharmacey and he had made it out to the wrong person!!!! :bonk: ... I wonder what the other person got!! Luckily they know me well at the pharmacey and just crossed the name off and put my name in.. right meds.. but wrong name..Needless to say.. I never went back to him.
~~Pam~~

[ICNJess]

Thanks for all of the checks back into sanity lol...hubby and I are still arguing a bit about this doc, and I give up. Hubby is a good guy, but sometimes he just doesn't know his butt from a hole in the ground!

I wrote a long letter and it made me feel a little better. He is an M.D. but I found out that he is an anthestesiologist...how does that make him a pain specialist?

Grr...

[kadi]

Hi Jess,
Everybody has already pretty much said it all ---what a complete jerk! Just adding another voice to reassure you that he is completely wrong. (I never would have believed before IC how many doctors there are who are poor excuses for human beings. I've met some doozies myself this year.) Congratulations on writing the letter. We have to advocate for ourselves, because there are too many ignorant people out there & unfortunately some of them have medical licenses!
Sending a hug...

[AmandaRN]

I am an RN. I take care of so many patients who do not get adequate pain relief. You really need to report this doc and find a new pain specialist ASAP. This is a problem every where and all hospitals are being held accountable for adequate pain treatment and there are fines in place and yearly surveys by JACHO (acredidation commision). I am so sorry that this sorry excuse for a doctor treated yoou this way. Pain specialists should be up to date with all chronic pain inducing conditiions. He could have easily verfied with one of you're doctors that this is a real and extremely painful condition, if he was unfamiliar with the condition Good luck to you. Hang in there, not all doctors are like that. I work with them on a daily basis and seen the worst of the worst and promise you there are good ones out there. You never have to stay wiith a certain Doctor. It is you''re right to find a doctor who works for you and understands the disease that you have and is willing to do whatever he or she can to help you feel better. If insurance is an issue, most insurance companies have more than one doctor in each speciality and will allow a change. My suggestion to you is to havve you uro or gyn write a lletter for you explaining whats going on with you to help validate your needs.

[mayray518]

Many of the uros I saw before I got diagnosed with IC made off the wall comments to me. When I found out what I had I wrote them all letters and complained to the AMA about them. I was furious and didnt let them get away with it. I am sure your hubby is trying to help but, let's face it, he isnt experiencing the pain of IC. It is so easy for someone to say "What they would do" "how you should act" when they dont have a clue as to the pain. This doc or whatever he calls himself should not be able to get away with that.

[ibtracy]

I want to suggest 2 things to you, you poor girl! First, find a new pain doctor and QUICK and Second, you need to file a report on this guy. Just imagine how you might save someone's shattered ego and maybe even on their birthday too. That's so wrong. Be happy you're amongst your IC family that cares for you in addition to your real family. You're very special and you're loved by many, I'm sure of it!

:birthday: Belated birthday wishes. That all would ruin my birthday too! So sorry it was such a bad experience.

I wish you happier days ahead. :grouphug: Group Hug to make things a lil bit better. Hang in there, tomorrow's a new day and a fresh start.

PS
Dont forget to have this quack reported!

Tracy K.

[Cricketmk3]

The only one who is insignificant and crazy in this scenario is Dr. A-Hole! PLEASE write a letter of complaint to the hospital, tell everyone who will listen about him, and encourage anyone else you come in contact with, who has been emotionally abused by him, to do the same! I would never step foot in his office again and I would write a letter to the office (as well as the hospital) and tell them exactly why. I can't believe he told you you should be GRATEFUL! What a jerk!!!

[ICNJess]

Well my mind is made up, I am sending that letter in. My gyn also said that she will inform her IC patients to go elsewhere for pain management. Well I am fresh out of pain management docs, there are no others in the area. Since I am about 5 1/2 hours from Chicago and go there several times a year, Betsie had an excellent suggestion that I go to a pain clinic down there and have my gyn follow my program. I think I might give that a try.

Thank you all for your kind words...they really do mean a lot to me. I was really feeling like maybe I was cracking up!!

Hugs,
Jess

[shennan]

in all state, doctors have to licened by the medical board. that's who you whoudl sen dyour letter to. you may never hear back from them. but for your own sanity, you can send a letter about what happened. call the medicall board and get a person to send the letter to. don't be too emotional. put down the fact that the dr was rude and uncaring. find a new pain spec.

i am going to physical therapy 2x a week starting next week.
my pt is really nice. she rubbed my tummy this past week. hurt like h-ll, but it will ease in the future.

don't give up, girl.

doctors are human. they can be nice and compassionate and some can be rude and insenstive. just because they are a doctor does not mean they are a god.

it is difficult, but move onto to someone else.

express your feelings in your letter and find a nice pain dr. soon.

i see it like this: how many jerk guys did i have to date to find my hubby? lots....
for every 1 good doctor, there are 3-4 who are mean because they too may be having family issues and just general problems of their own.

wishing you luck.

hang in there....
shenna

[shennan]

sorry for all the typos. my right hand/fingers have joint pain. my mind is just :dizzy: ...

shenna

[this_sucks]

I've had the same thing happen to me. Same exact thing. I got out of school early just to drive 1 hour to this doctors office thinking hes going to give me a miracle. I waited in his office for about 30 minutes and finally he could see me. At first I told him what i was going through and what my old doctor put me on and so on and so on. He then went on to say keep doing ditropan and thats it. I told him fighting back tears, that I have been on this for more then 2 months and it has no effect what so ever. I told him how my other doctor said I might have ic. I started crying because he just nodded and said yes, ohhok, sure, ohhhh. Something I should have been doing. He said probably 2 full sentences the whole time we were in there, one spent on just correcting my mom telling her no man has ic at all, neither children.
I meanwhile was crying hysterically about to scream at him that I cannot sit through class or do any normal things without having a panic attack and peeing! He nodded his head again. So i ran out. Just like you see in the movies haha. The nurse told my mom that I took that well. Yeah, okay.
You defiently need a new doctor. And I am so sorry you had a bad birthday, I know how that feels too. I have had numerous amounts of my friends, doctors, gudiance counselors and even my family say its in my head. And now im going to a psychatrist because of it. and I have had that speech about how their are other teenagers going through much worse like cancer.
Well i say screw that doctor! He has no idea what we all are going through. Best of luck, Jess214.

[Rosalie]

Hello Jess
You're a Scorpio so when you get going on this dickhead of a dr he won't know what hit him. I'm sitting here in Melbourne Australia but I can picture the little twerp. Probably passed with honours at medical school in Drongo 101! Why don't you suggest he takes his opinion, wraps it in cotton wool, then plastic film, rolls it into a tight tube and inserts it in a place that requires no sun block!

Perhaps in your letter, you could include all of the comments on this thread.

Unfortunately, most of us have come up against people like him. This site with all the wonderful and generous ICers helps keep the spirits up. The occassional laugh doesn't hurt either.
Try the accupuncture, it helped me greatly some years ago. I could give you the name of a good practitioner but it's a little far to travel! Ha Ha
Hang in there.
Rosalie

[ICNJess]

This_sucks...that is absolutely awful...I truly hope that you have found a doctor who has helped you, and have put that one in the past. What is wrong with some doctors?? I just don't understand where they lose their compassion. We need more doctors who are patients...

On a lighter note, Rosalie, your post cracked me up! Yep I am a Scorpio--maybe that's why I am brooding over this so much? You know the Scorpio motto, Never Forgive, Never Forget!!

[crystilclear]

I'm so sorry you were treated like this. I have had my share of horrible experiences with ignorant and unknowledgable doctors regarding fibro and IC. I have both as well as a whole bunch of other issues. It is not a reflection of you. He should be reported. I think that sometimes doctors forget that if they don't have patients they won't have a job!!!!!!!!! I finally found some good doctors and I'm so so so grateful. Keep looking and brush his garbage off like the dirt he was dishing out to you. You deserve to be treated with compassion and have proper care and pain management. Keep your head up. It is not in your head. You know what is going on in your body and noone can tell you otherwise. I know that we all can get down and upset but don't wish you weren't here. It can and will get better. Sometimes not as soon as we would like though. You really have to take charge of your medical care and find the right doctors to help you. They are out there. Good luck and take care. I hope you find the help you need soon. - Chris

[ICNJess]

Thanks, Chris. I decided to try to get back to the pain clinic that almost killed me before this pain clinic. At least they were willing to help...which is more than I can say for that stupid one. UGH!

[MakinIT]

Hi Jess...This is the first time I've checked into the boards in forever...Mainly cause I've been depressed, and because my older daughter now thinks her projects on Islam are more important than my computer time. The nerve. Any way...You've always been positive and had such a good outlook....I'm so sorry you were treated that way. I think a pain specialist has to be a an anasteselologist and/or nuerologist so they can have a good idea of drugs and differents nerve treatments to use for different pain. I've been treated poorly, as in, "ah, you're ok, you're bladder looks fine" to a complete turn around in that same doctor, getting biopsy results, sending me immediately to a a FEMALE urologist who specialized in IC. She and my GP sent me to my pain doctor who I was a little uncomfortable with at first, but as I got to know him I liked him. (He was in a big hurry the first time I saw him and he had serious problems with my medications....however he sent me to a psychologist who was wonderful and works with chronic pain patients. I go back to see him soon...that's another story)

Anyway...You have to write a letter documenting in a very objective terms what happened, send it to the doctor ,CC to the medical board, send to the medical board. Then fire the *******.
I'm so sorry you've gone through this, maybe you ought to also send him some medical literature. (To really get to him, find a really lay person sight to explain it to him.) Sorry, I've just gotten accepted without any assessment for the Vancouver area paratransit system (door to door bus/van system) However, when they take me over the river into Oregon, the Oregon paratransit board has determined that my condition is not serious enough...let's see "Painful bladder syndrome is no where near ADA standards." I worked all weekend on the appeal starting with the fact that I was 120 mgs of morphine each day and could list more, if they really wanted. I ended with the real name being Interstiital Cystitisis and depending on the severity, it is an ADA condition. I also noted that the Vancouver paratransit system did a face to face assesment but after the assesor took one look at my eyes and my face he took a hold of my arm and said "let's just walk into the building and chat"(I'm only 39 and look fairly fit so he knew by my unsteadiness getting off the bus that I was not quite feeling right.)

Face it....Unless they can see the injury on the outside, no one believes you have a problem. This just bites. Oh well, I have my own rant...but I hope you are doing better and have found a better doc!!