i want to divorce my inlaws.

[Dixiefireball]

okay i have had it with my inlaws no matter what i do its alway's my fault today when my husband had to be taking to the er she called me on the cell phone and said if he had an heartattack it would be all my fault! :confused: somehow she has got it in her head my husband has to do everything around the house which is a bold face lie! :mad: she said he has to cook clean take care of the children and take them to school for heaven sakes yes he has helped on my bad days and yes he does take the children to school in the morning but heck he has to go that way anyway when he is able to work i'm the one who washes the clothes does he dishes cooks dinner IF he cooks its things like hot dogs something simple or a frozen pizza things i can't eat. when i told my husband what she had said he called her and she said i made it up or i was adding to it. I told him the truth! and now we are fussing because of that stupid blank blank! i know she has a lot on her because of her daughter a drug addt. but that is her life not mine and now she is trying to put everyone down to her daughters style of life i don't think so she thinks there is no one better then her daughter the way i see it if she gave a dang about her daughter she would put her in the hosp and get her some help!!! Hello??????? and poor tyler they took him back from us because poor tonya's medicaid got truned off so she couldn't get some free drugs well what the deal here? he has been back up there since the end of sept and she still isn't on her medicaid and one time try to send him back here a week ago and we was going to take him too but when he found out he had to do a daily chore he couldnt stand that so he went back there my children help out in the house what makes him so special he had to before when he lived here. and guess what now he is smokeing cig and pot. i can't take no more of there bull when she calls my house again i'm going to tell her not to call back again i'm sick of her causeing problem in my marriage just because she had a bad marriage don't mean i have to or a bad life doesnt mean my life has to be bad because of them! i'm so fead up with them i want' a Divorce from my inlaws!
thanks for letting me vent but if any of you have any idea's how to handle this better please let me know she has gotten where she calls every morning at 5:45 am and she knows we dont get up to 6:30 am what the deal with that. i can't help her life style or her daughters i have done everything in our well power to help them this time i'm done done for good with them i don't want them to see or be around my children anymore because of the drugs there can anyone blame me.
I know there is some grandmothers in our family here am i doing the right thing :confused:

[Katrina]

(((((((hugs)))))))

I would definatly agree to keeping your children away from the drugs.

She has no right to judge you. The only one that can is God. She obviously knows she isn't doing right or she wouldn't have a reason to lie to your husband.

Remember that those that judge others will be judged harshly by God themselves. I hope that can give you some hope.

I sincerely hope things improve.

grouphug

[Iris]

What a pain in the butt she sounds like Rhonda, I am a grandmother, and there is no way I would be like her. I think you have done everything you could possibly do for your family, and I think you tried the best you could to help out with Tyler, and no one could do more. What does she think calling you at that time in the morning. You mother in law sounds like she is an impossible person to deal with, you do not deserve that, on top of dealing with IC and raising a young family. I am so glad you can come and vent, and we understand where you are coming from, at least we can give you support, even though we cannot be there in person. Take care Rhonda and let us know how you are doing, luv ya and a big hug, Nana Iris kissing grouphug

[Zookeeper]

grouphug grouphug grouphug

Take care.Love zookeeper Kim

[jaime15]

Rhonda,
I have to ask, why don't you take your phone off the hook??? Especially if this is a common thing for her to do. Hubby should be the one to step in but...I guess that can be a whole new topic..huh?
She seems to really have problems that a good therapist would use up years and not even crack her shell. You can always be polite though. When she calls say "Hon, this is a bad time ---." (And say your fixing dinner or whatever. Then a polite goodbye.) I think if she knows shes bothering you, it just adds fuel to her fire.
Good luck-I really feel for you!!!!

[ICNDonna]

I'm a grandmother --- and if I call somebody at 5:30 am, they know it's something serious! I would never knowingly wake someone.

If you have an answering machine, I suggest you bury your phone under a pile of pillows and ignore it until you are awake. And if she calls at an inopportune time, it's okay to tell her it's a bad time --- you can simply say something like, "I'm right in the middle of something and can't talk right now. I'll try to get back to you later." And hang up without allowing a chance for her to say anything more. You may have to listen once in a while, but make it when you feel able to cope.

She must be a terribly unhappy lady who is trying to find somebody to blame. It just shouldn't be you!

Warm encouraging hugs,
Donna

[Teri]

I agree with Donna....she is a very unhappy person. IF she calls for her son, let her know the hours she can reach him and ask her not to call any other time.

My son has THE greatest attitude with his kids....when I make a crack about him babysitting he ALWAYS says, "they are my kids, I don't babysit them." Same thing about meals or house chores. His oldest will be 8 in a couple of weeks and youngest is 2. He is 26 years old......if he can tell me like it is..........than I guess your husband had better be tellin' his mom like it is too.

I do have a telephone problem with the in-laws. I check the caller ID and just don't answer. It has saved me soooooooooooo much anger.

You need her crap right now like you need a hole in the head:( You are dealing with way more than your share already and if she can't see that then she is truly a sorry a&& woman cussing cussing

Sending some warm fuzzy hugs~

[auntiedeb]

grouphug grouphug grouphug
Rhonda, have you thought about going to alanon on how to take care of you and how to handle the relationships with your inlaws? I will be praying for you. Please don't let the stress make you flare. Set boundaries up with this lady. there is no need to be calling at 5:45 am every morning. easier said than done. So sorry if I sound hard on you, I just care too much. Please let us know how you are doing hon.

[Kathi]

When she calls hand the phone to her son. If he's not home, just say He's not home call back at (whatever time he'll be home) & hang up on her. Hugs, Kathi banghead

[erinaj1997]

I agree with Teri, CALLER ID!!!!

Or even just turn off the phone's ringer until you get up in the morning.
I know your problem is bigger than this, but it's a start. If you don't answer the phone in the morning anymore maybe she'll get the hint realizing that your not letting her bother you.

Good luck. I know how in-laws can be cussing

Erin

[ICNJess]

{{{{{Rhonda**********

I agree with a few points here...first of all, if someone called me at 5:45 in the morning it better be VERY important!!!!! Otherwise I would introduce them to a new meaning of PAIN.

Anyway, you've got to do what's best for your kids. That's really the bottom line. And if she doesn't understand that, that's tough. She's a mother, would she want to subject her own children to that?

[Laurenn]

Dear Rhonda-
I'm a gran, too------I have a seven year old grandson, and another wee one on the way!------and
I have to say that other than grave emergencies, people only call at 5'45am for reasons of power
and control.
It sounds like she feels threatened in her
relationship with her son...........I wonder if you
could somehow set up some "Mum" time for her-----with your husband--------if
it would make a difference?
However, I have to say that it really isn't fair that you have to deal with this.........
There are no easy answers for a situation like this..........I hope you find a solution to this
problem SOON!!.....sending HUGS, Laurenn

grouphug angel angel grouphug

[Kelli]

If you don't answer the phone in the morning anymore maybe she'll get the hint realizing that your not letting her bother you.


That line right there is EXACTLY where the key is to get away from this situation. You CANNOT allow her to know what she says and does bothers you. She is a bully, and bullies pick and pick and pick just because they know it torments their victims. That is exactly what she is doing to you. She knows the things that really tick you off because I'm POSITIVE your husband has told her, "mom please don't do that, it really upsets Rhonda" DING DING DING!!!!! She has you!!! Some people thrive on the ability to anger someone. She sounds like one of those people. She has so many other issues in her life but cannot keep herself from yours. I agree that the children have no place around a person like that. I had alot of trouble with my mother in law. I finally had all I could take one day and I told her, until you can respect me, you will have no rights to my children. She didn't see my kids for a year and a half and I refused to let her until she apologized to me. I know it's mean to keep the kids away, because it's not their fault and they shouldn't suffer, but seeing you the way you are and how she treats you isn't good for them either. You have done everything you can for that family. Things MOST people would NEVER do for their own family let alone inlaws. You are a good person Rhonda and don't ever let anyone tell you differently. Especially someone who wouldn't know her A$$ from a hole in the ground!!!

[Dixiefireball]

last night when my husband went to her house ALONE! she admitted to him she told a lie on me and she did cuss me out she was so upset thinking her son had an heartattack she had to lash out on someone but she lash out at the wrong person i was upset to and i didn't deserve that one bit and far as i'm concern she can't see her grandchildren anymore until she get that drug head daughter of hers out of the house and into the hosp for help. and she isnt going to see the children until she tell me personally she is sorry just telling my husband to tell me is a cop out she has a phone she knows how to use it all she has to do is pick it up and call me and as far as the 5:45 am calls they have stopped for the last few mornings but i think the only reason for that is something is wrong with her phone. I pray she don't start it back up but her phone will be fixed by six pm tonight and she can call and say i'm sorry but like i said she can forget seeing my children until she does something with her daughter and that is the bottom line. gggggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. cussing banghead

[Dixiefireball]

OH PS
Thank you all for your advice and concern i really needed it. grouphug

[BobbieB]

Rhonda, I'm so sorry for all of this and hope it is or will become better....you dont'deserve this....and really do deserve much better.....I am a grandmother too...and cant't see why one would not want to do all they can to help a bad situation.....You are to be "praised"....with all you have to endure...and undergo with the everyday schedule...with all your problems...Please......try to "tune out" all of this....however, I am not one to do that....just trying to say what would be helpful...I know it's always easy to suggest help....but not knowing or being in the situation is like trying to help without knowing how to......I am hoping everything is all worked out better by now...Hang in here...and know that so many are pulling for you....!!!!

[Dixiefireball]

My husband and I have had it we are going either in the morning or monday morning the first day he can have time off can't really afford it but we are going to take papers out on his sister to get her some help before she hurts someone or herself! :mad:

[BobbieB]

Dixie.....don't give up....everyone is pulling for you.....

Could....the Dept..of SS...help...????

[auntiedeb]

grouphug grouphug grouphug

[leihla]

You know I really thought that I was the only one who has a crazy mother -in-law.. but thankfully, I am wrong! I have only been married for 1 year and I already wish that my mother-in-law would go away. Is that normal?

[Dixiefireball]

Yea Lehila i think that is normal in some cases. lol.

Sadly my sister in law passed away April 17 05 to what we believe is an overdose.
Mother in law still is causing trouble.

[Dixiefireball]

This Thread is over two years old for anyone who is wondering. Many things has changed Tonya my sister in law passed away, but yet mother in law is still driving me batty

[leihla]

Does it ever get better? she goes out of her way to bother me and causes fights between me and my husband.. she also has my husbands whole side of the family hating me!

[Dixiefireball]

Leihla,
I got married sept 14 91 to my husband i was sixteen he was twenty one. I knew him since i was 13 years old doctor told me i could never have children etc. Well shortly after we was married matter of fact a mth after we was married i got preg. with Brandon. who now is 13 years old (july 2 92). From the day I married her son she has made my life a living hell!!!!

don't get me wrong sometimes everything is all sweet and rosey as long as things are going her way, but when its not all about her.
then she will go out of her way to make life hell on earth for me.

She and her beloved daughter (hate to speak ill of her since she is passed away but hon she was worse then her mother in trying to break us up) has set my husband up with other women trying to break us up FOREVER. when we was sp. (because of money problem not because we wanted to be) Which didn't work.
she has called D.S.S on me saying i was a bad mother i didn't keep my children clean, they had bruises on them etc. (she wanted my children) D.S.S couldn't find nothing wrong with my children b.t.w. we was poor when we got married but had a roof over our heads diapers milk even if hubby and i had to go without the children had what they needed. when we didnt' have a car back in I believe 93 she would charge us ten dollors to take me to the gerocery store. (i couldn't walk that far with two children) and get the food back before it spoiled.
there is so many bad things she has done to us. and still to this very day after i was there for her when she almost died three times last year. I was there for her when tonya died. We had to help pay for the funeral.
I even filled out the Thank you cards.
She says she is lonely and wants my children to stay with her. well when they do i find out all types of things how. she states i'm fakeing. there isn't nothing called IC I can eat what i want she says i'm not in pain she says. even when i had hy may 17 05 she promise she would be here to help me with the kids so hubby could work. Do you think i seen her one time? NO!
She isn't nothing but a trouble maker. She lets my kids get in the car with her grandson (tonya's son who is 15 isn't going to school and no permit or drivers lis) get in the truck with him and go out on the main road. (boy did i let her have it!)
she lets my daughter go shoot pool with tyler's friends i heard. (that was the last draw!) I don't want my kids up there anymore!! i've said this and said this before, but yet my husband says she is the only one who raised me I didn't have a daddy. I can't take our children away from her, but yes I can!! there my children too. If she wants to see them she can come up here to my house to see them.
best thing i can say is when the phone rings don't answer it. (I hope you have caller I.D its been a God sent to me to advoid her calls) If you don't have children try not to go around her.
your marriage will be better off and safer if she stays out of the picture. (well that is how i feel about my life w/ mother in law.)
I swear sometimes i believe the only things that keeps the woman alive is to live to mess "our" marriage up.
one thing always remember Love can beat anything. that is what has kept me and my husband together. if he we hadn't loved each other she would had broken us up a long time ago.
Some people just get a thrill off making other people life H#ll

[Sarojini]

Rhonda, I hope the situation gets better -- I know there are times where I wanna divorce my father-in-law and his new wife. You know, they showed up at our new house UNANNOUNCED 2 days after we moved into it, and we were trying to unpack and get things organized before I started my job... to make matters worse I had a terrible cold/cough and my IC was flaring from that and the unpacking. Worse yet, they are sooo high maintenance, they expected us to stop everything and cook for them (and the stepmom-in-law is on Atkins so there were only certain things she'd eat, so I had to go out and shop esp. for her) for four nights and show them around town, etc. Well, we hadn't even had a chance to go around town OURSELVES, never mind give tours to unexpected houseguests. PLUS, not only did they not tell us they were coming, they refused to tell us when they were leaving, so we had no idea what to do with them or how much food to buy...

I was SO MAD. And I told my husband that from now on they are to give me at least 2 weeks notice before they show up so that I can plan for their high-maintenance requests....

My mother-in-law is coming August 12, but I love her to death... she called ME (not my hubby, who tends to "forget" to tell me about visits until the day before it happens) on my cell phone first and made sure that was an okay time for her to come, told me that she was staying for three nights, and said that she knew I had to work a new job so she would do all of the cooking while she was here -- she said she knew I was probably flaring from the move and the stress of starting a new job, so she said she did not want me to lift a finger to do anything for her those 3 days. Now that's NICE.

My own parents are coming the weekend following that, like Aug 19 or something, and they said the same ... don't lift a finger, we'll take you out or cook for you. They also said to think of stuff we need for the house and they will buy it for us when they are here.

SOOOOOOOO ---- my question is, what the (#@! is wrong with my father in law???????????

I want to divorce him!!!! I totally agree with you Dixie....

[Bianchi]

Sarojini, some people think they are Royalty. My husbands niece is like that, the family comes unannounced, makes themselves at home at our house, stays forever. We always have their kids stuff here, since they go to College in this town. We even helped them move (the kids) to an apartment. The parents live a 2 hour drive from here. We are not young people, so the last time they wanted help to move, I told my husband "no more of this". I will not put up with this, they never thanked us or had us out for dinner or anything. So now I am just firm, sorry your visit is just inconvenient right now, I am on my way out. And I cant keep your stuff in my garage anymore, I think 4 years is enough. And I mean it, my husband didnt like it, but he can take them out or something.
Rhonda, I feel sorry for you, that must be so hard to put up with that MIL, especially the influence on your kids. I think you're doing the right thing keeping them away from her.

[Katrina]

:kiss::kiss::kiss: Always thinking of you girl! Your Mother in law would most likely drive me crazzy....God Bless Always! :love:

[missychan]

Oh Lordie, can I relate! I'm glad to know it's not just MY dad that thinks we should stop our lives when he comes for three weeks every winter.

He comes in the house and takes over my hubbie's chair, the remote, and the fridge. He turns the TV volume as high as it will go, as he can't hear... and then yells at us OVER the TV for three weeks. Not to mention, we give up the master bedroom to him, and we sleep on the sofa, in the room that "dad's tv" is in.

My husband doesn't get home until around 1 am sometimes, and dad is up and running at 4. Great! TV at full volume so he can watch the weather channel. At 4 am I really don't care what the weather is in Michigan! (I don't care at noon either, but 4 am? Not so much, tee hee!)

His food, his schedule, yadda yadda yadda... makes us all nuts! But- at 82, we may not have too many more rotten visits with him, so I try to grin and bear it while he's here, and then do the happy dance when he leaves... I'm awful, I know.

Let's hope we can all remember the havoc that OUR visitors caused us, when we're all 82 and doing the same to OUR kids... LOL!

And in the meantime, we'll meet here to vent!

Missy

[csocain]

Will sure be praying for all of you. It is a very difficult situation. Blessings...

[Dixiefireball]

Lordy it does look like a lot of us has a lot of problems with in laws it would had sure been nice just to marry our husband with no other problems.
:as i shake my head in disbelief:
all i can say ladies is just pray!!!

Jen i'm glad at least you have a few good inlaws, but onces who just visit. I'm so sorry you had to deal with that.
sending everyone hugs and prayers
Rhonda

[Sarojini]

Yep, I think praying is about all we can do... it really would be nice to marry the husband without his family sometimes though!!! Rhonda, you're so right on that!

At least my father in law is gone now and it doesn't seem like they're coming back any time soon, so life is back to normal. It was just maddening to have to cook for them when half our kitchen stuff was still packed away, so whenever they wanted something we'd have to rummage for the right pan or something, OR THEY would rummage in our boxes and my FIL broke a couple things being careless.... :cussing:

[Dixiefireball]

I agree with ya Jen thank God he is gone and his wife. They knew you just moved in and needed time to unpack that was so wrong to just pop in on ya'll and to make it wrose they didn't tell you how long they was going to stay you had to buy food for them and didn't know how much cook for them clean after them the whole nine yards while you was sick and flaring from the move.
That was so wrong!!!!!
I hate it when people pop in and don't tell me how long there going to be here etc. (over night things) normal visit is okay, but i still like people who are just popping in for an visit to let me know because i may have an appt. or plans for something else.
well you get the point.
I think most everyone is like that.
heck we may still be in our night gowns when they pop up. who knows in either case call me and give me at a few hour notice if ya going to visit, and ask if i have anything else planned. some people are just so RUDE! :rant:

[Prinny Joy]

To think I was the only one w/ a monster mother in law! This is what my husband and I do. We are Dr. Phil fans and everything you could possibly need any support for is the topics of his shows. We watched every in-law story and apply what we have read and watched. We no longer have my MIL call our home. If she'd like to speak w/ my husband she does so away from our home. I don't see her when she comes to town and like it has been posted, God is the Judge and no human can do so. My MIL and her husband, have grilled me about health issues, spoke openly about my disease to everyone in their family that I have never met and refuse to meet now and I've listened to When is _____ going back tio work? What does ______ do all day, I hope_______ goes back to work soon. Every single chance she has to be nosy, my goodnes gracious she lives in another state. I figure if I don't chose to discuss something w/ you I won't mind your own business, my MIL is so rude, her response is we do that w/ all our kids, well I'm not her kid, I'm 42 my husband is 50 and I won't put up w/ it. It's an invasion of privacy and my in-laws think they can actually have to know about our finances. This comming from a woman who has been a housewife all her life is going to have the nerve and treat me badly because I'm sick. Gee, I may not be working but my income is the same as if I were working. My husband is Director of Architecture, not like they are even supporting us. Life is hell from my in-laws and has caused a lot of problems. I don't think these women have a clue how they are affecting their son's lives. OK I vented, but if you need in-law advice and such, Dr. Phil.com is certainly something to learn from. Hope it helps and I can relate! PEACE and JOY!

[Babs RN]

My monster in law is evil incarnate. I know she will be judged in the end, but in the meantime she makes my life and my relationship with hubby a living hell sometimes. She'll say things like, oh I read up on what you have(really, no computer, no internet)and you don't drink enough cranberry juice. Jeepers, if I've told her once, I've told her a thousand times--no cranberry anything, no citrus fruits, etc. She also has a tendency to play 2 sides, for instance telling my hubby one thing and telling me something else. The kicker is that she took me shopping one day (for mother's day) and I thought she was being nice. Behind my back, she told the family that I don't wear the right clothes and she had to take me out to encourage me to lose weight. I've lost 25 lbs on my own without your nagging. She is a call at the crack of dawn type too. I love the "oh, did I wake you up" RIGHT! The other thing that is driving me nuts currently(besides her trying to play doctor with the IC)is that without consulting me, she went ahead and bought birthday stuff for Lindsey's birthday.(BTW Rhonda, we have the same birthday and your anniversary is Lindsey's birthday). She is turning 5 on Sept 14th and I already had decided which theme I wanted to go with and she didn't even bother to ask. She also wanted me to not give Lindsey a party here but to have a family one in Las Vegas. I told her I was letting her have her first "big girl party"here and that if they wanted to come, they could. If they want to take her somewhere for her birthday while we were in Las Vegas, fine. Anyway, my mental health professional says she is overenmeshed in our lives--no duh!

Hugs,
Barb :grouphug:

[Prinny Joy]

I thought no one could have a worst in law situation than I. The only thing I do different is have absolutely NOTHING to do w/ mine. Your husband should step up and defend you. You are THE woman in his life and your happiness has to be number one. Mind you this is not an easy task to accomplish as what we do is and has been last resport and I still resent all the time my mother in law made life hell for me. Did I mention because of my IC this woman had questioned my husband on second thoughts marrying me. My only learning tool is when it's my turn to be a mother in law that I don't bahave like these awful mother in laws. Thanks ladies, this is helping my in law problems! PEACE and JOY

[tigger_gal]

wow.. this post is an oldie.. its from 2003... I know things have taken a turn in dixies life.. and are much much better...
brat

[mayray518]

Everytime I think about getting married again I think mother-in-law problems and dont know if its worth it (ha). If I heard the "drink cranberry juice" thing another time I thought I would die. This one older woman, who was a friend of my mother's, just didnt get it. I would tell her about IC and show her articles and she still said "Just drink cranberry juice." Then she had the nerve to tell someone "I cant believe she is on disability for a bladder infection." Some people are just denser than others; they refuse to learn new things about diseases they know nothing about. They base it all on what has happened to them.

[Prinny Joy]

You could be describing my MIL. She was giving advice she knew absolutely nothing about. Apparently she read about IC and has been VERY unhappy her my husband married me and apparently even if I didn't have IC she'd still still the world was beneath everyone in her family. I feel so sorry for her and we've gotten to the point where no matter what, she will NEVER have a relationship w/ me. My own mother has never spoken w/ this woman and never will for the reasons of her treating me so badly. Some people are just ignorant. My MIL even told me this would never affect her relationship w/ her son (WRONG) and that this was between me and her, (WRONG AGAIN) this is not my problem as far as I'm concerned and as Dr. Phil say's if it's the spouse whose parent is the problem it then becomes an issure between the parent and her child not the daughter in laws problem. I guess I resent the fact that this woman took away our happiness of being newly married and turned it into chaos. Angry? Bitter, oh yeah! My thoughts! PEACE and JOY!