Want to cry

[Solfish]

don't know if today is just a bad day or what. I have to give my husband credit for trying as best as he can to try to deal with this challenge in his life. I try to put myself in his shoes and have thought I would have gone stark raving mad along time ago. The problem is, I get little emotion from him. I am feeling low today. I don't know why. I was busy yesterday, then sliced my finger open and hand had to get stiches in my hand, and woke up exhausted today and knowing I had stuff I had to do. It took forever for me to do it and the kids were crabby. My husband was non responsive to my questions (grunting tomy questions) and when I came back from grocery shopping I told him I needed him to unload to groceries. My father in law hoped up and did it. Hubby sat on his *** and continued watching tv. I was annoyed. I grumped back to my bedroom and grabbed my heating pad. Despite the fact I was curled on my side and crying, all he could say was "gee, I didn't think you were going to need tospend that much on food this week, you spent an awful lot last week...I t hought we were going to get this under control.".
cussing Can I get sent to prison for assault under these circumstances?

Anyway...I am feeling very emotional and unsupported right now. I get very down sometimes. Like I just want the pain to end, and I'd do anything to end it.I feel like I have poisen running through my joints. F....t he world right now. I'm done with it. I'm sure I'll feel better tomorrow but I'm so tired of supporting everyone else. My husband is always wanting me to give him my undying love and attention and tellhim how wonderful he is, my kids always need me (AS WELL THEY SHOULD, THEY ARE CHILDREN) but I can't take it somedays. I'm sorry to be complaining...sometimes it just feels good to be writing your feelings. Thanks for listening.

Tracey baby

[Kirsten D.]

Tracey,
Sorry to hear that you are feeling down today. I want you to know that i am praying for you and that we are always here for you.
I have some understanding for the agrevation that you feel about your husband. I sometimes feel that my husband is one of the few husbands on this BB that is just not up to par. He isn't very verbal with his comfort and has openly told me that he just doesn't have any sympathy for people that are sick except his parents. He doesn't have the skills that are needed to comfort someone. I have been in a terrible flare and feeling pretty down for the last couple of days and he hasn't been speaking to me until last night. He said that he thought I just needed some time and then i would feel better. He really has no clue.
Oh well, I guess this is the for better or worse partof those vows we took.
If you ever want to talk just look me up.....
Kirsten
hi hi hi grouphug grouphug grouphug

[ICyuck]

Oh, Tracey, I'm sorry you are going through this he@@ right now.

If it were me, I think I would give the grocery list to your husband and let him do the shopping and then he'll see how much groceries cost. Plus it will give you a bit more time to rest.

Whenever my husband goes to the store with me he is aghast at how much groceries cost. "Don't get that, it costs too much!"

Sometimes I think men aren't able to express their support verbally very well. They seem better at doing things than saying things sometimes. And they get impatient with a problem that can't be immediately fixed.

Are there any women in your family that are around? Is your MIL supportive, or do you have a sister or even just a close female friend, a neighbor, anyone who could help a bit when you are feeling awful?

Is there anyway you could shift some of your workload to others in the family? (I don't know the ages of your children, sometimes older children can help around the house.)

I'm so sorry that you are feeling so awful, I wish I could help you.

I hope you feel better soon.

grouphug angel

Love, ICY

[dancemomof2]

Girls just face we have great hubby's except they have no idea how to be supportive and caring, loving,understanding, etc all at once. They can only pick one of the above to do at one time. That is why they are not women. My hubby folds quickly when he has to run the house for a short period of time. He does realize how much i do but admits he can't do it all. but still grumbles or ignores what he can't do.

Groceries is a whole nother subject. I won't even go to right now. LOL

Keep your chin up we all know what your going through. At one time or another we have been in your shoes.

Leslie

[Teri]

Tracey~this is the place I get my emotional support. IT sure doesn't come from him!
I'm reminded everytime he does a load of laundry that he did the laundry "for" me. HUG eek eek If he cuts the grass same thing. No matter what he does, he remeinds me that it's "for" me.

During our black out I was in the hospital for 3 days with severe pancreitis. I was deathly ill~ He literally popped in twice a day to see if I needed anything and then he left. His dad had been in a month before me and the husband was there from the beginning of visiting hours till the end. When I called him on it he say "that was my parent and a parent always comes first"......damn! He wonders why I have my own bedroom. He wonders why he hasn't had sex in 2 years. They don't realize that those words just keep piling on top of each other...they don't go away, the bag just gets heavier and heavier.

If mine would have said that about the groceries to me, he's have had the check book thrown at him and told it was HIS responsibility now, since he thinks he can do it better.

Tomorrow can't get here fast enough :( You are NOT alone grouphug

[Solfish]

Thanks all...I guess what frustrates me is that he visits his brother 100 miles away everyweekend. The gas cost alone is ridiculous, not to mention the entertainment cost for them. It really gets my panties in a wad but since he is so much more articulate than I, I can't possibly argue that with him without crying and becoming and becoming an emotional wreck. I don't know. I hate this. He really has tried. The first few months with this, he didn't care enough to even listen to me try to explain the disease. Lately, he's been surfing the internet and printing articles. A mutual friend told me he told her he hears me up at night crying. But he never says anything to me and seems to be asleep when I come to bed. I guess he doesn't know what to say. I don't cry very often either. Only when frustrated cause I can't sleep, or the pain is just too much. It's wierd, his back was hurtinghimso bad the other night, I gave him a backrub while I was half asleep. woundup putting him back tosleep. He never acknowledged it. I wish he would do the same for me. I've even asked...He like pats my hip for 3 secs and calls it good. banghead OH WELL! So I see my chiropractor and my husband *****es about the price of that but If he would be a little more cooperative about some hands on therapy with me....maybe I could visit the chiro less frequently.

As for the Grocery list....I would love to give that chore to him. Problem is, there would never be ANY food in the house. I couldn't do that to my 7 and 13 year old. As it is, I've let the housework go. The house looks like a bomb went off and it doesn't bother the testostoronely enhanced in my home. (My hubs, my father in law, my brother in law.) My daughters could care less. I'm the only one who cares we live in a pigsty and that our bathroom smells like a stop on a freeway. It is gross. If I try to clean, I get the lecture that I do too much. If I don't clean, no one does. If I mention the germ infested disgusting pigsty called ahome, I'm told I'm being overdramatic. (AMazing how quickly it 's cleaned when someone important comes to visit.)


Thanks for listening...at least I don't want to curl into a ball and not wake up today.

Tracey

[dancemomof2]

Tracy,
grouphug I know exactly how you feel, I pretty much have the same complant with my house also. i hate to see things out of place,a nd get scolded for picking up whenI on't feel well, but yelled at when unexpected company comes, and the house is a mess. We wouldn't want to embarrass his family and friends and tell them the truth that wife has IC and hubby won't help. I am totally on your side. I know exactly how this feels.

[Rainbird]

I can sure sympathize with all of you. If I didn't do anything around the house it wouldn't get done. If I don't feel good he'll say what is it today. No empathy, sympathy or caring. Once in agreat while he'll take the kids and let me have a couple of hours. Man if he doesn't feel good he wants the full treatment!! He is getting me new carpet and vinyl,But I say wheres the backrubs and the kind thoughtful deeds!!!! I hope things get better for you, maybe as others said look to your friends and family for some help if possible that is what I do. grouphug

[Solfish]

Thanks to all. Feeling better today. Could be because my hubby is going away for 3 days, could be because I just feel a little better. I get to where the pain becomes so overwhelming I'm looking for support and my husband says the wrong thing. I think he has a gift for that. I can see the pain in the people in my family, and am running around trying to make them comformtable. Heck..I've been known to give my husband backrubs in t he middle of the night because he hurts so bad and is so miserable. I don't want everybody "poor babying" me. But, I'd appreciate a little TLC.

I just started physical therapy, Pelvic Floor Dysfunction therapy...what a trip. Anyway, Thanks again.

[tigger_gal]

hi HATE TO SAY IT... but add me to the list of neglected wifes that there husbands are uncapable of compassion, understaniding, hell just emotionless men! ok guess i am a little down these days too..
Brat

[mayray518]

Don't want to rain on anyone's parade and I am sure there are supportive husbands out there, but I have always been very independent and could not have imagined dealing with a husband when my IC was horrendous, particularly if he wasn't supportive. I had to convince family and friends that I "really ill" and I was at my breaking point with that. Good luck to anyone going through that stage!!

[Solfish]

I kinda get the feeling from people I know that they think I should be done now. "How much longer are you going to be sick?" "Isn't it just your bladder?"....."geez..how bad can it be?" One of the ladies I supervise told me that my boss asked her "how much was in my head?" . She, bless her heart, gave him an earful and asked him how many doctors did he know that would prescribe morphine for something that was "all in the head". I sure do get frustratred trying toexplain all this to my workers and my family. My extended family expect me to do stuff I can't do...(Host family meals, birthdays, etc....) especially when I look pretty good. Better, in fact, than I've looked in a long time.(I've lost 80 pounds)

Anyway....Nice to have folks who understand. Best wishes to you all.

[queenbeemig]

my husband has been very supportive of me and said some wonderful things like how he would never leave me because i was sick. I expressed my guilt to him about not being able to have sex that often anymore and how things might change from now on. He said it did not matter to him...there are other things we can do! I thought that was wonderful. It made me feel so loved and secure. Then i went into a 2-1/2 week remission and he swore this whole night mare was over! Wrong...i have the symptoms again. My husbands reply to me was "don't you think you are concentrating too much on your bladder and that is why you are getting symptoms" !!! DUH...if that were true than i would concentrate on how i DONT FEEL my bladder and then maybe this will go away! I can see where this is going. I'm only into this ordeal since August and he still thinks it is a UTI clearing up!!! Most days i do not even tell him how i feel anymore. I just deal with it. It's just the beginning, dear lord!

[Sandra m333]

I know how u all feel! HUGGS to u all love Sandra! grouphug grouphug

[mayray518]

Hey Solfish, I love the response your co-worker gave to your boss. There are always going to be people out there who will say that. I wonder if he would have told a male employee the same thing I doubt it. Anyway, you can always give them the answer I do, the morphine one is good and also "Oh i wonder why there is a specific drug (elmiron) for IC alone if no such thing exists." And we must have bribed an awful lot of social security judges also.

[Solfish]

I did have a rather lenghty conversation with my hubby on the phone last night while he was in Wenachachee (outta town). I told him I couldn't handle the disaster of the house, and I couldn't handle being the household nazi anymore either. He actually had a great idea!! As we live with both hubby, myself, 13 year old daugher, 7 year old daughter, father in law and 22 year old brother in law (none of whom know how to pick upafter them selves except for me)...We've decided I'm going to buy a white board. Every morning, I'll make a list of jobs of what people need to do that day....me excluded. (Husband thinks I needs to be away from cleaners and from cleaning in general, he's just always assumed the good fairy would come along and do it.) When folks get their jobs completed, they erase it. I'm sure this will make me a popular woman in the ol' homestead, but at this point, I don't care. I'm sick of the house being disgusting. I'm sick of trying toget people to clean. I'm sick of getting either passive/aggressive attitiudes or flat out rude nasty attitudeds.

How do you all deal with this bull crap,

Tracey baby

[Rainbird]

Man Solfish I feel for you. You have it alot harder than me. I think the board is a good idea. I'd do it and really stick to your guns.
The only person in my house that is a slob is my 14 year old stepson and now thats mainly confined to his room so I just shut the door and don't think about it. I hope you can feel better and whip your family in shape!! I know somedays you feel like this banghead cause I know I do!

[Teri]

Tracy~do you have more than one bathroom in your house:( The last fit I went into with my husband was when I literally had to pour buckets of water over the toilet to dilute it before I'd even touch it with gloves on. Now, he is only allowed to pee in his toilet, not the others. If it doesn't bother him to live that way, so be it. I don't like the mucky orange the spots turn after a couple of days and when I get my socks wet just cuz I needed to pee.....well, that tends to put me right over the edge.
We have a cottage with 1 bathroom and mostly males in the family. Unless my husband wants to witness me standing on the top of the hill, screaming my guts out because I can't set on the toilet, he does a damn good job of keeping it clean......he doesn't want the neighbors to know what EVERYONE knows....... why, when they have that great big bowl to aim at with that not so great big object,can't they hit the friggin' hole! :confused: :confused: :confused:

[auntiedeb]

grouphug grouphug grouphug grouphug angel angel angel You all deserve hugs and special treatment. I am single but just reading your posts made me feel so much compassion for you all.

[Solfish]

Just replied to another topic area too...just bummed out. I did try the white board. The 7 year old was very enthusiastic and was quite the drill sargeant about getting everyone else on board. The 13 year old is grumpy, threatening to quit cheerleading and everythng else fun in life because she has to occasionally dump the bathroom garbage can and wipe down the counters. She'll have no time inlife if "forced" to do these horrendous activities. (She is not completely spoiled, she's expected to do things around the house, she just doesn't like having stuff added to her list) I threatened to give her the toilet scrub down job but Idon't know if Icanlet that one go. I really like my toidy clean....( I can relate t o above posts) Of course the jobs my hubby was assigned are not complet ed. Grrrr....Oh well......

Thanks all....appreciate you all...Now I need a nap.

[Iris]

oh Teri, I loved the last line of your post, it was priceless, take care Iris wink :D