Aaaarrrrrggggghhhhhhh

[MakinIT]

Ok...I'm sick of this -----! (I censorsored myself) I am nothing but a pain in the ***, of no use to anyone. My kids avoid me because I'm so cranky, My husband works constantly to make up for my lack of money (I do bring insome), and he's a crab too. I just do nothing, am nothing, tried to tell my husband I am LONELY...all he could say was "we'll talk about it later"...I cried myself to sleep. He's been going to sleep on the couch every not and then comes to bed later. Although sex in it's usual sense is not happening, we are becoming creative and he sure doesn't object and enjoys himself so I know that is no problem. I don't know....life sure sucks. I don't even see a point anymore in going on. All I do is sleep. Take my pills. Sleep. Take my pills....etc......The pain is to much for me to not take my pills, I've just had my morphiine upped. Is this the way it is for the rest of my life? I've tried Elmiron, Bladder infusions, spinal stimulators, I AM DONE....I can't do this, it's been almost 2 years. Iknow some of you have beeen going loonger but I sure wish I'd have an up period.

[twiggy]

Hi MakinIt,
I have been fighting this damn thing for two years now, too and going in circles. Not much relief in the pain department and can feel people hopeless at times, too. Tonight, my bladder is burning so I am up. But, keep your head up. You are a worthwhile human being and you have both a place and purpose on this planet. I know you are exhausted but chin up! If you are not getting anywhere, then get a new uro. Someone out there can help you. As well, PLEASE see a therapist for assistance if you feel it is too hard to cope. There are trained professionals out there who can better help us deal with all the blasted emotions that come with this stupid disease. The sun comes up every day, so don't stop fighting. My husband upsets me, too, but I try hard to cut him some slack. Since he doesn't personally have the disease, he could't possibly understand how I feel completely. However, he won't leave me and that in today's world is worth something. You can fight this and you will fight this!

[ICNDonna]

Please let your doctor know how you are feeling. It sounds very much like you may be suffering from depression, which is a treatable physical condition. And there's a second advantage to taking antidepressants --- they help with pain! And, along with medication, you could benefit substantially from working with a professional counselor.

Sending warm healing thoughts,
Donna

[vm]

{{HUGS}} I totally agree with what Donna said. Talking to a therapist or asking about an antidepressant may really help. :kissing:

[Sarojini]

I also agree with Donna and Kim -- taking an antidepressant and/or talking to a counselor can really help. I know because I do both!! They really help....again, you may need to explore your options, and if a particular antidepressant is not working for you, let your doctor know as there are many, many different options and dosages out there :)

I'm sorry you are feeling this way, and I wish there was more I could do -- will a :grouphug: help?

[Ginny]

Excellent advise Donna. Many people with chronic pain need antidepressents. Living with pain can cause depression. Pain medication also causes depression.

Ginny

[tigger_gal]

Makinit ((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))
I was like you not to very long ago.. I went to my doctor broke down in tears.. telling him how I felt and need help.. he put me on wellbutrin xl... I tried many others and had bad side effects. this is working for me.. I swear to it.. I was put on it on Friday. sunday night my husband totaled my truck.... had I not been "sedated" with antidepressants... I would not be here to tell you how well they have worked.. because I'd be in prison for killing his ass...... Things will get better... and thats really alot coming form me bcause my year has all been down hill.... if you need to talk pm with yourr email addy....
hugs
Cindy

[MakinIT]

You guys have great ideas however, my lovely insurance cut off my counselor after 25 appointments. (he told me on the 26th meeting so he didn't charge me for it;) As far as meds go, I'm on a Well Butrin, and a bunch of pain meds like morphine, percocet and valium. I also take zonegran for depression and pain control at night....Atarax too.

My counselor is awesome...Can't afford the $150/hour to see him...ha, ha...so I have to wait until January...then I guess make sure I only see him every other week.

Funny...I started writing this at 9:00 AM and fell asleep...my daughter just got home and asked to use my computer...I said sure..(it's 3:00) and she laughed because I hadn't completed or sent this.

Thanks again....T :thumbsup:

[MakinIT]

Thanks Cindy


That made me laugh and my doc put me on well butrin XL also as the SR was making me crazy. He gave me enough to last me a month and will petition my insurance co cause they don't pay for XL meds.

:) :) Tracey

[MakinIT]

I just kind of re read the emails....I was sooooo sleepy this morning I fell asleep as I was responding to people. Anyway...I appreciate the words...And I also know my husband wouldn't leave me. I've been a real pain in the butt to him and he gets expasperated with me because I get so nuerotic about everything. I don't know what I'm going to do...He's never been a real close and affection person, that's just who he is...(he's very funny and a great dad though) Since I've been sick, I question (to myself) all his actions and get that stupid feeling like he's angry with me rather than being rational and saying ...."0k, he's tired because he's working more hours" I'm just sensitive, hurt, and feel like I'm moving in molassas most of my life.

What do you guys do about the medication exhaustion? I take Well butrin XL at 4am along with my estrace, then at 8:00 am take my Morphine (60 mgs)...get my kids to school...then I come home to check my email and.....falll asleep as I do so...it takes until 1:30 in the afternoon to wakeup, then at 8 pm take 60 mgs of morphine, 400 mgs of zonegran, 50 mgs of atarax. I'm usually sleepy by 8:30ish...however...I still wake up every hour or so with that cocktail. If it gets too bad I'll take 10 mgs of Valium, as long as it's before 3:00 AM. I also have 10/650 percocet for breakthrough pain.
I'd like to flush em all down the toidy but I know I'd be sorry quick.

Good night

Tracey

[twiggy]

Goodness Tracey, no wonder you are tired! Who wouldn't be. Your husband sounds like mine. I am not speaking to him at the moment. I was lying on the floor in pain and he goes to bed and shut the door. Thanks for your help! I know he is sick of dealing with me, and he is usually really good to help around the house so much and with the children, but what about a little hug and why do I always have to ask for them! He would never leave, but this morning I wanted to kick his butt out the door! I hope things improve for you soon! Hang in there!

[MakinIT]

Mine is just away ffom home allthe time. He consults, as well as teaches. He gets behind on work, gets crabby, gives me the cold shoulder. He does play with the girls and the pets but thinks I need to suck it up./

(Hey I only whine a little bit ) He and I need to spend some time together. But stuff comes up.

Tracey

[lotsofgirls]

Makin It,
It sounds like you need a pain specialist that can regulate your meds better. It seems like your meds are putting you to sleep, maybe smaller but more frequent doses would be better???
Cath

[MakinIT]

I am just at my wit's end...to take a line from this person above. My Reg. MD decided to put me on well butrin XL earlier in the month, because we both theorized that the Bupropronate SR (generic...which is all my insurance will cover if there is that option) causes me to go way up and down in my moods...So he gave a month supplie of Well butrin XL (300 mg) but wanted to know after a week or so so he could start petitioning my insurancing company, should the stuff work better. Well, it works, and marvelously. I sleep at night (except for pee trips) and am mellow during the day, even when I'm in pain. I've even been hopeful enough to look at job listings for teachers (a long way off cause I fall asleep at the drop of a hat..Morphine, atarax, Zonagran, valium can do that)So the doc called the the insurance company and we were, of course, told no way. Really sucks. So ...We are going to have to completely freak out and stomp our feet at the company.

So, my husband and I are going to Canada to buy a 3 months supply at a 40% reduction...

Thisis such garbage.

Anyway...thanks for listening to my rant.

[tigger_gal]

((((((((hugs))))))))
Wish I could pull half of the ins co thru the phone..... gggggrrrrr they make me so frigging mad...... I have a list that I am allowed to have.... if its not there then I have to pay for it....
hugs
Brat

[MakinIT]

"sigh"...things still 'bout the same here....I am just about out of my samples of Well-Butrin XL. I see my doc tomorrow. I'll see if he'll give me some more samples if I smile real nice and purty. Meanwhile, My sister in law in Canada said that they don't have Well Butrin XL in Canada yet. I think we may have to just have to suck it up and buy it....around 110 dollars/month...Thank goodness we have a flexible spending health care account. My Doc and I continue to appeal but we lost the first appeal. He and I both appealled together a second time.

Anyway...I am so tired. I've tried to figure out a way to split the morphine into three times a day but because of the dosages it comes in don't allow that....the valium apparently stays in your system a loooong time....apparently it has a long half life. I'm supposed to take 15 mgs a day and I've reduce it to 10. I think If I can go off it I will be better in my sleepiness.
I get to spend all day tomorrow on the "special bus". I qualify for the metro door to door bus services so they are taking to my doctor appointments, My first appointment is at 10:30, second one (2miles from the first) is at 2:20....However...because of bus arrangements I have to get picked at home from 8:30, and dropped off at home at 6:00. I really hate not being able to drive.