It is so hard to handle right now : (

[crystilclear]

Wow as I write this my heart sinks inside me as I sigh. This is hard so hard that the discouragement is overwhelming sometimes. The financial strain is horrible which has landed me in an ocean of guilt. I am sad and have cried so hard that my back became all tied up in knots, my eyes swelled up, and the very tears made me so fatigued. How can I help anyone when I am like this? I feel like I am nothing. Who am I that the world would noitce if I just disappeared just poofed into thin air. I hate what I am doing to them all and myself. It is this pain it does not cease! It doesn't let up right now. I feel like such a complainer because I know that all of you have pain and I am no different. This arthritis pounds on me all day long and night. I'm sorry I just feel like I have to get it out. These feelings are errupting to the surface and feel like they're going to expode. Doea anyone else here have Psoraitic arthritis? Anyways I have a gyno app. ahead and a thearapist ahead too. I will start the new SSRI soon. I just strated two other new meds and the doc thought iut was best to wait so if I have a reaction to one it will be easier to figure out the culprit. I hope you all are doing well. I do pray for you all. I hate that anyuone has to go through pain : ( - Chris

[ICNDonna]

:grouphug:

Donna

[RedLione]

Chris, I'm so sorry that you're feeling so sad. The SSRI might really help you feel better, both physically and emotionally. I know that sometimes I also feel like all I do is sit around and that no one would want to spend time with such a lump. But it's clear to me from your post that you're very articulate and very compassionate, so I would guess that your friends and family know you are a joy to be with. You must make each one of them feel very special. I don't know anything about arthritis, but I do have fibromyalgia. Sometimes it hurts for my very clothes or bed or chair to be touching my body, and I know what you go through must be 10 times worse. I'm glad you have a doc that will work with you and watch out for your reactions. I hope you feel a lot better very soon.

[vm]

Chris - I hope you find pain relief soon, sweetie. it sure takes its toll, doesn't it? Please keep updating us on how you are doing. We care. :kissing:

[Iris]

Chris, I hope you can find relief for your pain really soon, I know it can be very wearing on the spirit, but we are always here for you, and you matter to all of us, please keep us posted as to how you are doing, soft hugs and love coming your way, Iris. :kiss: :grouphug:

[caitlinsmom]

Chris,

I am sorry you are so sad. I wish there were some special words to make you feel better. I hope your SSRI helps you. May you feel better soon.

[shennan]

hope your days are better.....

sorry to hear you are unwell....

hang on.....

:)
:)
:)
:)
:)
:) :cat:
shenna

maybe the new ssri will have you :dance: ing sometime soon.
;)

[icnmgrjill]

Hi Chris,

You know... sometimes we have to give ourselves permission to NOT be the helper... but to be the person who asks for help. But, that can be HARD to do and to let go of that role... even if you're in agony.

I've spent about 8 hours in the ER with my best friend in the last month. She's having a horrible endometriosis flare and the pain has her on her knees. The doctor told her that she was to rest for 3 days. What'd she do?? She rested for one... then went to work full time (she didn't need to be there... she has plenty of time off) and then did clean up duty at a picnic! It's very frustrating to watch... because she just couldn't rest. Still can't... and, inevitably, it creates yet more pain.

In my case, my IC was so bad in 1993 that I could barely walk. It was so scary... and so depressing... that I forced myself to do things to be "normal." I would force myself to walk despite the pain.... force myself to go out with friends even though it was the pain was like acid.

The turning point for me came when I talked with another IC patient for the first time. I kind of went on and on about the pain... and how walking hurt so badly. She said "Jill, don't you think that if it hurts, that you should stop what you're doing and rest?" God, what a concept. I realized that I hadn't given myself permission to stop... and to rest without guilt. I did... and it made a huge difference. From that point on, I listened to my body. If it hurt, I stopped and rested. If it didn't, I lived my life and did the things that I wanted to do. That was the beginning of my healing...

But, the second point that I want to make is that (just looked out my office window and there is a GORGEOUS maple tree in the distance... beautiful reds, oranges and golds. wow!!!!!! I wish you could see it.)

Anyway.... when I started looking at IC not as an illness, but as an injury to my bladder, I finally grasped it. I realized just how foolish it was for me to push through the pain which, in my opinion, was similar to trying to run on a broken leg. I realized that I was wounded... and that all wounds need time to heal. They don't heal overnight.

And, ya know, that helped me get rid of the personal baggage that I was struggling with (the depression, anxiety, etc.) Anyone can be wounded. I didn't ask for it. You didn't ask for it. A car accident innocent victim didn't ask for it. It JUST happened... but it says nothing about you as a person. You still have the same brain, the same heart, the same love for family and friends. IC can't physically change that. You still have hands to hold another... and for them to hold yours. You still have intelligence.. and the ability to critically think. You could write a book if you wanted! IC can't stop that.

So, you're like me. You're hurt..... but you're still a member of your family, a friend, a lover (maybe not right now.. but you will be again)... and a very special soul that deserves a good life. We're here to help you keep looking forward! Carry hope in your heart every day. That's what I do!

If depression continues to be a problem, please ask for help with a counselor. You don't have to do this alone. It can be so wonderful to talk with somebody totally neutral and supportive. Meds can't give you that. But, by using both, it might really change your life for the better. There is no shame in asking for help. I did!

Jill :)

[Dixiefireball]

Chris,
i'm sending you hugs and prayers for a better day.

Jill,
"WOW"
your post really hit the nail on the head of what i have been going threw lately!
with ic pain these nasty hunner uclers pains running down my leg and having to go everyday for the last seven days to the IV clinic to get shots because of yet another UTI i knew nothing about until the test came back.
its been a nightmare.
Every word you said hit it with me.
Thanks.
Rhonda

[Lyn40]

Chris,
It's heartbreaking to read your post. I pray you find the help you need and things start to look brighter for you soon. I have experienced your thoughts myself (at times). I know how much work it is to pick yourself back up.

Jill had some encouraging words for you (and for all of us). I just wanted to add what my Pastor said to me two weeks ago. She said "you are where you are and no one expects any more from you". Jill is right. We didn't ask for this. As I look around, I am coming to realize that those around me really don't expect as much from me as I expect from myself.

Best of luck with your new meds. I wish you all the best. :angel:

[crystilclear]

Thank you all so much. I have been trying to let my hubby take over some different chores. The worst thing is the guilt. I hope that I can soon. Thank you all so much. Take care - Chris