Another Bad birthday

[ad8123]

Ok I am going to be dramatic. It is my birthday AGAIN, last year I was diagnosed just days before my birthday. Here I am a year later. Alone on my birthday. well I am not exactly alone my husband is in the living room playing video games to avoid having sex with me. He likes the PS2 more than me. I hate him right now. I feel so trapped. i need the insurance since i have not been working sice JAn, or I would leave him. I hate him he is so cold, I feel ugly, fat and weird. I feel like all I am is an IC bladder. I feel like I am lost somewhere between bladder spasms and pain, and so here it is one year later. The nerve block is not holdong tonight, I hurt everywhere, inside, outside physically emotionally. I am so angry at this stupid disease and at myself for getting it, for loosing myself to it. i do not know what I want and that is the worst part. if I leave him, when I leave him, what is it I want. To be left alone to die inside this pain? What happened to my dreams and hopes. Well I warned you I would get dramatic. There are people here with lives so much worse than mine but i am so selfishly fixated tonight on this birthday and how horrid it is. So here is my contribution to the forum of dpression. I am not taking a seperate antidepressant and I am not going to either, you think i am sad tonight you should see me on elavil. oh well. I have no idea why I am posting this, some sort of cry out to see if anyone cares? Maybe maybe in the morning i will look at it and laugh, or maybe cry. who knows, maybe it means something maybe not. Anyone else having a bad birthday.

[donutgirl]

Been there and understand completely. One year my parents forgot to call me on my b'day. Have also been w/ the hubby that didn't really give a flip and that can cause you to feel all the negative feelings you are feeling about yourself. Just know that you have a lot of friends here on these boards that care about you and how you are doing each and every day, not just on your b'day. The constant pain really brings us down too. Wish I was there to give you a hug in person.

DIANE

[Mel53H]

I am so sorry that you are feeling this way. I have had many birthdays where my husband did not give a flying leap. Birthdays can be very depressing and it is good that you vented that to us tonite.

I just had a birthday in Sept. and my husband did not do anything. But he is in nursing home and does not know what day or year it is. Oh well!! I did not expect anything either. :rolleyes:

Please know that my heart goes out to you. You sound really down in the dumps and I wish I could sing happy birthday to you...well maybe not. :lmao: :birthday:

Hugs to you,

Mel53H

[lalarainbow]

Ahhhhhhhhh! Remember there others who do care.. and I know all about depression-- been there! Hugs to you and pray there are better days ahead.
Love, Pam

[ICNDonna]

I hope you're feeling a little better this morning. If not, I do think it's important that you talk to your doctor about how you're feeling. It does sound like you may be suffering from clinical depression --- and you may need to treat it. Elavil is only one of the many different antidepressants. It can take time and experimenting with different ones before finding the one that works best for any individual. You might ask your doctor about trying an extremely low dose at first. And when you pick up the prescription, ask the pharmacist to give you only a few days supply so you won't end up spending unnecessary bucks for a medication you can't take.

Sending warm encouraging hugs,
Donna

[tigger_gal]

((((((((Angela)))))))) :birthday:
I am so sorry you are feeling so blue..... I understand where your coming from.... on My b-day.. hubby remembered at 10pm and said oh happy birthday went and got me a card at 10:30... gee a lil late..... and my 5th Annv. came and went... all I got is.. its today right.. out annv is today?.... :toosh: gggrrr....
I sure hope you are feeling much better today.... as hard as it may seem right now... things will get better...
hugs
Brat

[RedLione]

Angela, Happy Belated Birthday. I agree wholeheartedly with Donna: If you want next year's birthday to be better than this one, talk to your doc. Elavil isn't usually a stand-alone treatment for depression; there are better things out there. And I find that when I'm angry, everything hurts more, so your anger is probably adding to your physical pain. I've been where you are, I wouldn't want to live without at least a small dose of antidepressant, and the icky husband is gone and I have a new guy who loves giving me presents so much, he can never wait until the actual day! I hope your situation works out well for you.

[ad8123]

Thanks everyone for all the support. Hubby asked for a divorce today well actually he told me he is divorcing me. I think the IC is just too much. I am very sad and very hurt. My parents came and got me (they were a bit worried). I am going to talk with my MD about an anti depressant (although I had a rough time with Elavil and Paxil). Anyone know one that makes you loose weight? I gained 30 pouns on Elavil! My bladder has been spasming Non stop since he told me and I cried so hard I puked over and over and over (maybe the divorce will make me loose weight). I had stopped having spasms almost completly before this so I think the md's were right it was caused by tension in the pelvic floor for me. I will try the relaxation tech tonight maybe they willhelp and a heating pad.
This is such a great place to have to come to, thank you everyone just for being here!

[XoChelsey03Xo]

:birthday: Chelsey

[Mel53H]

Gosh! I am so, so sorry. When it rains it pours! Maybe this is for the best?? I don't know...All I can say is my thoughts are with you. I am glad that your parents came to take you to their house.

Someone once told me when I was having a hard time that, "This too shall pass." Sometimes it is hard to hear, but it is so true. Another one that has been told to me is that," God does not give you more than you can handle," well the handle is broken! Right?

Life sucks sometimes!

:grouphug:

Love ya,

Mel53H

[Sarojini]

:( :grouphug:

I do agree with the others that perhaps an antidepressant may help during this trying time.... I'm on Zoloft and don't notice any side effects, except that I'm starting to feel better!

Sending lots of love

[RedLione]

Angela, I think you might like the Zoloft a lot better. I'm so sorry that you're having such a bad time, but maybe one the stress and anger "divorce you," your body will feel a lot better. I know that my upsets go straight to my bladder, so I hope that being on your own will give you some hope and some relief. So sorry!