AN awful three years a diagnoses and husband who is being a jerk

[Adunephel]

I had my daughter in 2001. It is likely that I had IC before that but that is the point when things got really bad. I had always had pain but no Dr ever figured out what it was.

My bladder was compressed during labor and I had some bleeding from that. I ended up having a c-section due to a short umbilical cord and I distinctly recall hearing the surgeon say "Your bladder is never going to be the same"

Fast forward three years of pain and depression that my husband never seemed overly worried about. "You need to just get over it" yeah...sure...

We could barely have sex due to the pain I was in.

Febuary we had a blow up. Things went downhill fast and we were on our way to divorce (had the papers and everything)

I had been having crazy too many periods thing due to stress so I went to see my gyno to get Birth control to help with that when he mentioned IC.

At first my husband was rather shocked my depression, trouble sleeping and pain might actually be due to an illness and not me being crazy. He was almost sympathetic and getting close to nice.

I have now been diagnosed with IC, he is back to not nice and only showing interest when he wants sex. (we have not actually had sex since Febuary)

I am thinking that a divorce may be necessary after all. I can't live with someone who doesn't actually care about me and my well-being, someone who yells at me when the house isn't perfect and then wants me to have sex with him.

One of the problems is that I am on his insurance, I don't currently have insurance with my job however, I am concerned at getting another job because the job I have is pretty easy on me. I am doubtful I could find another that wouldn't be much more difficult (and obviously beyond what I can do at this point) Also I am scared about trying to get an apartment on my own, since my job doesn't pay huge amounts.

I am really needing some advice at this point. I have no idea how single moms do it and even less of an idea of how single moms with an illness get by.

[liznazz]

I am sorry about your situation. I'm in a somewhat similar one as my husband is having a tough time with the sex issue, and I am not putting myself in a compromising position so that I will go into a flare on someone else's account. My problem is opposite: I carry the health insurance but work part time. He works full time. We have 2 sons to consider in this family and have talked about separation. I find it difficult to live with a man who has little sympathy for my illness and tells me to just "deal with it". I also get the usual "it isn't cancer" therefore I shouldn't be miserable or depressed. This is very sticky and I totally sympathize with you as I can't make it on my own financially--No way can I go back full time at this point. It sure is a tough decision and puts added stress in my life. I know I haven't helped with your problem, but at least you know there is someone else out there who's dealing with a similar situation. Hope all works out well in the end.. liz

[Adunephel]

Thanks for responding. Your husband sounds similar to my own. He doesn't sympathise either. It isn't like I want to be coddled or expect him to sit and hold my hand through everything, a little kindness would be nice. Like not yelling at me when the house doesn't look so great. :(

It is rough. I have a three year old girl and I hate her seeing the fighting as much as I am terrified of trying to manage on my own.

I have read the disability information but how can you get insurance while on that? If you do get disability can you still work part time? Still trying to find answers. :(

[Dixiefireball]

I'm so sorry for what you are going threw.
IF you decide to go threw with a divorce there is many resourses out there for single mothers matter of fact there is more help out there for single mothers.
in the divorce you can ask the judge to for him to keep inc. on you and baby until either you remarry or stable enough to get it on your on the judge should give you a year for yourself.
you can apply for medicaid for both you and your baby
you can get free housing
you can get a check to pay for water power.
you can get a discount on your phone bill called a lifeline.
you can get food stamps
you can get free child care.
you can get a check from him for child support.
and much much more.
If you decide this is what is best for you and your child then there is help out there don't be afraid.
Sending you hugs and prayers
Rhonda :grouphug: :pray:

[Katrina]

There are ways out there to get meds free if you don't have insurence and things to help you. If you and your husband don't belong together don't feel forced to stick with him for his insurence....I know if my husband and I were splitting up I would have the same fears and worries....but like you I would come to this board and I believe this family would help me survive. I think Rhonda gave you some great adivise...my advise would have been to Private Message her! I hope the best for you!

((((((((((hugs)))))))))

[Babs RN]

Hi--
I have a husband who can be quite a jerk at times. He is in the Army and I think he has been to sick call 2 or3 times in his 11 years. Currently he is behaving but has his moments. If you need talk, please let me know.

Hugs,
Barb

[XoChelsey03Xo]

I'm so sorry, but if your not happy in your relationship you need to get out. Remember you could always file for welfare until you get on your feet again. That would help cover some of the cost. If your husband can't understand that you have a disease that is hurting you, then you don't need to be with him. He needs to understand that it's not your fault. I wish you the best of luck! Do whats best for you and your daugther. Chelsey

[tired of this]

would he be willing to read up this disease, and find out about all the trouble you are having? It might help some?

[tigger_gal]

sorry what you are going thru.. and I completely know where you are coming from.... Rgiht now just isn't the time to discuss my husband, because what I would say could not be censored......
Can you apply for SSD.... and SSI..... I may be wrong. but I don't think I am... If you become disabled during your marriage your husband is liable to pay your health insurance... I don't know where to tell you to look.
Hugs
Brat

[Cricketmk3]

I am a divorced mother of two so I can speak from experience. The advice given from the others is great. You do not have to stay in a situation like the one you're in. There is help out there. I have a wonderful boyfriend who sympathizes with me and is very loving and supportive. You can find someone like that too. Even if you don't, it would be much easier to go through this without a man than with one who is making you unhappy. You only live once, it is up to you to make yourself as happy as possible. The greatest help is God and prayer!

[Adunephel]

I did ask him to read up on the illness. I put a couple of IC websites in his favorites and he hasn't gone and looked at them...this was two weeks ago.

Thanks for the responses...I took my amnitryptiline and can't really post coherently..nor spell the drug I took. :lmao:

[dancemomof2]

I thnk it is a man thing, mine seems to get it once and awhile and other times he is IC stupid. Even though he has been to the URO for every appointment and has been told repeatedly how IC effects life, he stil l doesn't get it. Good Luck seems like a bunch of us understand you.

[ad8123]

Hello, I can (sadly) relate. husband just told me today he is divorcing me. I am terrified about the insurance and the bills still to come for the treatments I have had and I am having this month. How does the insurance work? How or why would he have to keep me on his? How do you find a lawyer who can handle the divorce and the IC mess-I have not been able to work since JAN. UGH

[VickiB]

Angela,

I don't know the answers to any of your questions, but hopefully someone will soon come along who does. I just wanted to say I'm sorry that you're having to deal with this.

Vicki

[Mel53H]

Everyone has given you some fantastic advice! I am sorry that you have to go through this too.
Better days ahead. :)

Mel53H

[ad8123]

I know my situation is different now that my hubby has asked for a divorce (well rather told me his is going to do it), because mine never did care about me I guess. He NEVER read anything I gave him, nor did he go to the sites. He barely listened when I tried to talk to him about it. I know it is hard because at first it was so new and confussing that I just talked about it all the time, but still.........Oh well. I hope your situation goes along better than mine.