i'm sad about sex :(

[Lady Tamara]

Hi how you going all.. :grouphug: :) I am just so depressed about having this vulvar pain problem cus i can't have sex atm, in fact i have never had it, except for when i was 19 and the guy i was with forced me into it unwillingly.. my bf now says he loves me and i will get better..he is the light for me to go on...but i am always in fear i will lose him to the Vulvar Vestibulitis, and IC because i won't get better and will not be able to have sex. I just keep thinking "its an important part of a relationship and it just won't do, if i can't have it"...it just upsets me so much and i dont know what to do. :( I think of breaking up up with him because i feel so much guilt but i lvoe him....i feel bad for him being with me because i can't have sex, even tho he says he chooses to be with me...its such a huge emotional issue and problem for me! can anyone help? hhe... :) i really don't know how to think anymore. :(

[Cricketmk3]

I can't help you but I know how you feel. I am divorced with two children but I have a boyfriend that I love. He's so sweet and considerate and would die if he knew that it hurt me sometimes to have sex. I don't tell him. It doesn't hurt much at the time but I hurt for a couple of days afterwards. I also take Paxil and that does nothing for an intimate relationship. I think I could go the rest of my life without being intimate. If I told him I couldn't have sex anymore, he would marry me anyway but I don't want that for him. I know I need to tell him about all of this but how?

[ICNDonna]

There's some very good information in the Patient Handbook on this subject. It can be possible to have a very close relationship in spite of IC. It does take open communication (lots) and experimentation.

Sending encouraging thoughts,
Donna

[Lady Tamara]

Hey Marilyn *hugz* :) thanks for the reply...aww you poor thing! well, what i guess i really have learnt is that i have to be so open and honest about my condition, otherwise it would be impossible to be able to have the relationship with my bf that i have. I was honest right from the start, and he is standing by me and giving me lots of support. I am having counselling for anxiety and depression, and i hope to get help with the emotional side of things too that VV has caused me. I think it is really important to have an open communication, like Donna has mentioned, at least then there would be no lack of understanding. But Marilyn it is entirely up to you, but i am sure he would be very supportive of you and stand by you. :) *BIG* hugz, you can pm me anytime to talk about it :) good luck

[Sarojini]

I'm so sorry you've gone through the experience of being forced to have sex :grouphug:

I am very glad to see you've been going to counseling about this, as I was going to suggest that -- it can be extremely helpful.

I am also glad you have a patient, sweet boyfriend to help you through this. It may take you some time, but with therapy, patience, and lots of communication and love I think you will be able to overcome all of this.

I hope that in the future you will be able to have a wonderful, satisfying sexual relationship with a partner who loves you and considers your needs :)

[PikkuMyy]

I agree that talking about EVERYTHING openly is the only way to overcome these issues. When it hurts, tell him, when it feels good, tell him. Tell him what to do and not to do. And tell him how you feel emotionally. I agree with what Jen said, and encourage you to stay with someone as sensitive and caring as your current BF.

[XoChelsey03Xo]

I understand what you mean. My boyfriend is very loving and supportive. He says he isn't with me for the sex. He's with me because he loves me very much. It's hard to find an understanding guy that will love you for you now days. Sex hurts me sooooo much also. I do have some days though where the pain isn't quit as bad. Just try to relax and not focus on the sex so much. When the chemistry is right it will happen naturally. Just be happy that you have a loving and understanding boyfrined. Don't try to push him away because of the IC. Then your letting the IC win you over. Big hug :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: I have found it best to just take it slow when your are having sex. Just take your time and don't rush anything. Communication is extremely important. Make sure you let him know if something hurts. Don't be afarid. Chelsey