icnmgrjill
09-17-2004, 08:37 AM
True Doctor Stories
During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he
informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his
medications. Which one?" I asked. The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one
every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly
undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over
fifty patches on his body! Now the instructions include removal of the old patch
before applying a new one.
A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the
cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's --Dress,
and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were
several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.
At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and
slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. Big breaths," I instructed.
Yes, they used to be," remorsefully replied the patient.
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her
husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not
more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the
family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I
placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your right eye
with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. Now your left." Again, a
flawless read. Now both," I requested. There was silence. He couldn't even
read the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had done
exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered. I was
laughing too hard to finish the exam.
While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have
you been bed-ridden?" After a look of complete confusion she answered . Why,
not for about twenty years -- when my husband was alive."
I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, So, how's your breakfast
this morning?" It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to
get used to the taste," the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly
and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
And Finally . . . . A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite
embarrassed performing female pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment he had
unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle aged lady upon whom
he was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further
embarrassed him. He looked up from his work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I
tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was 'I
wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener."
--won't admit his name
During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he
informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his
medications. Which one?" I asked. The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one
every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly
undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over
fifty patches on his body! Now the instructions include removal of the old patch
before applying a new one.
A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the
cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's --Dress,
and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were
several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.
At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and
slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. Big breaths," I instructed.
Yes, they used to be," remorsefully replied the patient.
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her
husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not
more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the
family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I
placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your right eye
with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. Now your left." Again, a
flawless read. Now both," I requested. There was silence. He couldn't even
read the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had done
exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered. I was
laughing too hard to finish the exam.
While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have
you been bed-ridden?" After a look of complete confusion she answered . Why,
not for about twenty years -- when my husband was alive."
I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, So, how's your breakfast
this morning?" It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to
get used to the taste," the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly
and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
And Finally . . . . A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite
embarrassed performing female pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment he had
unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle aged lady upon whom
he was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further
embarrassed him. He looked up from his work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I
tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was 'I
wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener."
--won't admit his name